Context: It's your birthday and your boyfriend is being himself by leaving you hanging. Same story as always... You don't really see how the night could get worse. At least not until you walk in on a man robbing your apartment.

Setting: The Listener's apartment

Tags:[MM4A][Enemies to Lovers?][Neglectful Boyfriend Speaker][Oddly Charming Burglar Speaker][Neglected Doctor Listener][Birthday Angst][Flirting?][Secret Kiss][Light Comedy][Well, This Is Awkward][But Kind of Fun?][Comfort][Patching Him Up][CW: Robbery/Neglect]

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[E] = Ethan, your rude af boyfriend

[B] = The oddly caring burglar

[Scene opens outside the Listener’s apartment]

[SFX: Keys jiggling/VM playing:]

[E] Hey, sorry. I know it’s late but I went for beer with the guys and lost track of time. I know you said we couldn’t do your birthday tomorrow but I don’t know how fast I can come home. I’m sorry. Happy Birthday…

[SFX: The Listener struggling to open the front door]

[E] Look, I get it’s ‘your day’, or whatever, but giving me the silent treatment is super childish. Please be an adult and call be back

[SFX: The front door opening/stuff being messed with]

[As you angrily storm through the entrance to your apartment, you see a masked man clearly robbing your home. You freeze. He freezes as well]

[B] “Ooh… This is awkward…”

[...Pause?]

[B] “Yeah… No, it’s a fair question. I’m robbing your place, yeah… I, um… Was hoping to avoid anyone being home. Hit the basics, then the safe, and bam! Out like a papa lion after… You know what, I’m just gonna say ‘Really sorry’. I do need to let you know that I have a gun and I will use it if I need to… So, please just work with me, alright?”

[...]

[B] “Thank you. Go ahead and shut the front door, then lock it. Please.”

[SFX: The front door being locked]

[B] “Appreciate the cooperation. Would you, perhaps, be willing to extend it to the safe?”

[Pause]

[B] “Terrific.”

[He lets out a quiet hiss of pain]

[Pause??]

[B] “Tss, no… I think I nicked my leg while shaving the other day… Sometimes I just stretch my leg and it feels like a tiny stab. Bleh.”

[Pause]

[B] “What??? No way my ankle is bleeding. I practiced for AGES to avoid cutting myself on glass if I had to squirm through a window and it broke.”

[...]

[The burglar looks down at his leg briefly]

[B] “...OK, maybe I am bleeding a little… What are you, a doctor?”

[Pause!]

[B] “Oh! You are! Well, uh… This is really, really awkward, but um… Think you could maybe take a look? I don’t want to threaten you at gunpoint more than I have to.”

[...]

[Pause.]

[B] “Yep, yes, I’m sitting… Geeze, you’re really having a night, huh?”

[SFX: The Listener getting a first aid kit from the drawer]

[...]

[B] “It’s your birthday? Aw, man… I’m sorry, I usually try to avoid fucking up special events, but I didn’t see a cake or decorations or anything…”

[...]

[For some reason, that’s the straw. That’s the straw and you cry like a camel with a sufficiently broken back as you clean his wound]

[B] “Tch, ow! Ow, ow, ow, it stings!”

[...]

[B] “...Please, don’t cry… I promise I won’t hurt you unless I absolutely have to.”

[Pause]

[B] “...You don’t care if I blow your brains out? Wow, OK, spill some tea, Sis.”

[...]

[SFX: Fill with the Listener patching him up]

[Pause…]

[B] “Wait, he said he’d be home by 7 to celebrate with you and then ‘lost track of time’ getting beers with his buddies?? Are you serious? Set a fucking alarm, dude, c’mon!”

[Pause…]

[B, sympathetic] “Oh, honey… That is not the way to treat your partner. Especially not someone kind enough to patch up some asshole that broke in…”

[...]

[B, suspicious] “...OK, I know you’re being nice, but saying you’ll just give me the money because ‘you won’t need it anymore’ is raising some alarm bells… Please don’t do anything dumb when I go… Can you promise me that?”

[...???]

[B] “Well, yeah, we’re strangers. I’m robbing you. That doesn’t mean I don’t care, I mean, fuck. I just need money more than I need a clear conscience, you know?”

[Pause]

[B] “Leg’s patched up?”

[Pause.]

[B] “Aww, you put a little dino bandaid on it! Thanks, Doc.”

[Pause?]

[He laughs, surprising you]

[B] “Do I want a lollipop? Oof! Call me out more, why don’t you? I appreciate it, though, honestly.”

[Pause]

[B] “So, awkward part… Safe.”

[...]

[SFX: The Listener leading him back to their room]

[B] “Godamn that is a big safe! OK, just open it nice and easy, please… You’re doing really well, by the way. Most people have peed themselves by now.”

[Pause]

[He laughs again]

[B] “I bet! Being a doctor sounds like it’d give a spine of steel, eh?”

[SFX: Safe beep-boops/it swinging open]

[You open the safe for him and step aside. He gawps at it for a moment before hurriedly loading up his backpack]

[B] “Thank you… I know I’m a colossal asshole for saying this, but this money actually may be enough for me to get my little bro to a medical professional.”

[Pause???]

[B] “Why didn’t I say anything? Would you have believed me if I spun you a sob story while pointing a gun at your head??”

[...]

[B] “Like I said… I don’t want to hurt people. I just need the money faster than I can make it doing anything else. Doesn’t make me noble, doesn’t make me any less of a dick, I get it… but, I dunno, maybe it’s a tiny consolation on a shitty night?”

[...]

[SFX: The Listener sitting on the bed]

[You sit on the bed and let him finish loading up his bags. You hardly register when he moves in front of you]

[B] “...Hey.”

[Pause?]

[He leans down and kisses you before you can react. It’s insistent, rough, and even needy, but short]

[...]

[B] “...That’s the kind of kiss you deserve for your birthday and every other day. I hope you remember it next time your loser prick of a boyfriend breaks your heart. That there’s a man out there that’d gladly kiss you like that, every day.”

[He winks and gives an affectionate chuckle]

[B] “Maybe he’ll remember how good he’s got it then, huh? Hehe. Ooh, actually! Do you wanna do a photo shoot with me? Make a nice, big guilt trip for the asshole by making it look like I scared you or roughed you up?”

[Pause]

[B] “Heh, fair. I should probably get going… You’re gonna keep your promise, right?”

[Pause?]

[B] “When I asked you not to do anything rash earlier. Look, I know this is weird. It’s insane. I am robbing you, probably doing lasting damage to your mental health, and I kissed you without asking which wow, I am just… not on my best game tonight, my apologies… But, the point is, there’s about you that’s hitting me like a Greek tragedy.”

[Pause???]

[B] “You’ve got this melancholy glow to you, like the moon itself. You’re so beautiful and sad that I want to comfort you. The idea of you thinking about… that, and me not saying anything? I’d never have forgiven myself, no matter how fucked up the context is…”

[... Pause]

[He smiles. You think]

[B] “Thank you. I feel a lot better knowing this weird-ass world will have you in it, even if I never see you again.”

[Pause?]

[B] “Asking my name, huh? Bold… Very bold…”

[Pause!]

[He ponders for a bit and finally shrugs, nonchalant]

[B] “Maybe one day, sweetheart… My name is a bit out of the norm but a pretty cool guy gave it to me. Counts the most for me. But, like I said, who knows? Maybe you’ll get to hear my mysterious and very cool name one day. For now, I have to go…”

[Pause…]

[SFX: The window being pushed open]

[B] “...I know it’s dumb but… I kinda hope I see you again, Doc. You’re a cutie.”

[With that, and one more wink, he’s gone with a fleeting:]

“Farewell!”

[SFX: Fade out on the curtains fluttering and the nighttime city ambiance filtering in]

[...To be continued?]

Note: "So, how did you meet your partner?"

This gent: "It's a really funny story-".