Summary: Your bully knocks on the door of your dorm with a mischievous smirk on her face. After shoving her way inside, she sits you down on your bed and tells you she's decided her favorite little nerd is going to move in with her and be her new pet this semester. That means you're going to help her with her classes and do whatever she needs done. In exchange, maybe she'll give you a treat or two...

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[Knock on door]

How's it going, buddy?

Oh… you look surprised to see me. And not too happy, either… (Sarcastic) You're hurting my feelings. (Laugh) What, were you expecting someone else? I can't imagine why, not like you have any friends… What's your problem?

…

You don't want to talk to me? Why not?

…

(Laugh) I'm a "bully?" Is that what you said?

Oh my god, you should have heard the way your voice cracked when you said that… like you're nervous to even talk in front of me. I wonder how many times you rehearsed telling me that to my face in front of the mirror, and you still sounded so lame when you said it. (Laugh)

But you know, yeah, sure, I guess you could say I'm a bit of a bully. But hey, pushing around wormy little dorks who start squeaking when they try to talk to me is fun, sue me. Anyway move aside, let me in. Your "bully" has to talk to you.

…

Oh, you don't want to let me in? Too bad I don't care what you want. Step aside.

Oh, you're going to be difficult aren't you? (Laugh) Good, I'm in a feisty mood tonight. Just– no, no don't try to block me! Okay, I warned you…

Oh, whoops, sorry did that hurt? When I elbowed your chest like that? Poor thing… though you got lucky, you know, I was actually aiming a couple inches down… (Laugh) Oh man, watching you hunch over like that… you're already shorter than me but when you double over it makes it so much more visible how small you are compared to me.

Come on, don't be a baby, stop moaning. There, there, it's okay. I didn't elbow you that hard. Let's just get you over on your bed, come on. I'll even be nice and help, just put your arm around my shoulder. There.

God, this place is such a mess, don't you ever do any cleaning? Ugh… I have to admit though, it's not as bad as I thought. At least you don't have any, like, action figures or Pokémon plushies or whatever on your shelves… (Laugh)

Okay, there, sit down, get all nice and cozy. I'll just sit on… actually your chair looks really uncomfortable. Aren't nerds supposed to have, like, comfy expensive gaming chairs? How do you sit in that hunched over your laptop all day? (Laugh)

Whatever. I'll just sit on your bed next to you, move over.

Alright, so, you're probably wondering why I skipped the Theta Theta Mu pre-game to come pay a visit to someone like you. Well, let's just say, I'm in a bit of a pickle… and I have an offer for you. And by offer, I mean I'm going to tell you something and you're going to do it. Got it?

…

Oh lighten up, that little jab in the stomach didn't hurt that bad. Quit being a drama queen. I'm sorry, I guess, if that's what you want me to say… but that's what you get for not giving me what I want the first time I asked. Now try and pay attention.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. My, uh, "offer."

So… you and I are both in the same section of MATH 330, right? "Referential Equations," or whatever, right? With that weird nasal professor with the fake pearl necklace?

…

Yeah, yeah, I meant "differential" equations, whatever. No one cares. But you're in it, right? You raised your hand and answered one of the questions on the first day, right? Wasn't that you?

…

I knew it. You always sound so eager, you're such a little teacher's pet. (Laugh) Most people grow out of that after high school, you know.

Anyway, here's the deal. I was trying to do the review packet Miss Fake Pearls handed out on the first day and it's not going so hot. I don't know half of this stuff. Like, I know derivatives and limits and all that, but partial derivatives? When the hell did they teach that?

And that's a problem for me, because I just got called in to talk to my advisor a couple days ago and he was like "Your GPA is in a bad spot, if you don't get a 3.3 average this semester your scholarship is going to be at risk and you might be ineligible for extracurriculars" blah, blah, blah. Man, he droned on and on, he was such a dick about it… but he's right.

And it's not just this class, to be honest… I'm in this professional writing class and the syllabus assigns like an essay practically every other week, chemistry has all these labs… Ugh. There's so much trash they want me to do. Just because the professors don't have lives doesn't mean I don't.

Bottom line is, I really need good grades this semester or I'm gonna get screwed pretty hard, and not in a fun way. That's where you come in. See, you're perfect for this since, unlike me, you actually don't have a life. (Laugh) So… you're going to help me do all my work.

…

Yeah, yeah, I know. Just shut up for a second, okay, because I figured you might not be psyched about that idea. But you're doing it… and I think I have something that might make it worth your while.

Look, I'm not an airhead. I may not be a nerd like you, but I'm not dumb. Trust me, dumb girls do not survive in the circles I run in. So don't think I'm too oblivious to know that, even though you're scared of me… you still have a pretty major crush on me.

…

Yeah, yeah, save the stuttering, you're not fooling anyone. (Laugh) I see the way you look at me and talk to me, how you get all anxious and start fidgeting when you catch my eye… don't tell me that's just you being uncomfortable. I know what it looks like when someone's into me. Because, uh, not to brag or anything, but I get that a lot. (Laugh) Admit it.

…

(Mocking impression) "Maybe." There's that voice crack again. (Laugh) You know, you're actually kind of cute in your own goofy way, especially when you get all shy and start squirming like that.

Oh what was that? No, no, don't try to turn away, it's too late. I already saw that little embarrassed smile when I called you cute just now. (Whisper) Did you like that? Bet you never thought your "bully" would call you that, huh?

Oh my god, you practically flinched when I put my arm around you just now, are you that scared of me? Just relax. We're all friends here… well, no we aren't, actually. (Laugh) But… I mean, I'm not going to hurt you. Again, at least. I promise. (Laugh) Just stop being a scaredy-cat for a second and hear me out.

Here's what's going to happen. You're going to be my new roommate.

…

Yes, I'm serious. Believe me, I wasn't exactly psyched at the idea of rooming with you at first, either… but then, you know, I started to think about it. It's going to take a lot of burning the midnight oil to save my ass this semester, and I'm not going to wait on you to get to my place all the time so I we can study… and I sure don't want to be seen visiting yours every other day. And since 90% of the time I go out to hang with people instead of inviting them back to my place, no one would even know you were there if I didn't want them to.

So that's one thing. But also… I don't totally hate the idea of keeping you around… as long as you do what I want and know your place. I mean, hey, take this as a compliment if you want but I have more fun pushing your buttons sometimes than I do hanging out with some of the annoying people around me.

Now let's be clear, I'm not saying we should be study buddies or friends or whatever… I do still have a reputation to keep, no offense. (Laugh) No, I have a pretty different dynamic in mind. What I'm suggesting is more like… you'd be my "pet."

…

Yep, you heard me right. My pet. You're going to be my pet and I'm going to be your, uh… "owner."

What that means is, as long as you stay with me, you're going to do exactly what I say. All my homework and exam prep and whatever else I need done, you're going to be my little trained circus animal and help me do it. And in exchange, if you do a really good job… I'll give you a little of that attention I know you crave.

…

Oh don't play dumb, buddy, you suck at it. (Laugh) I saw how you trembled when I put my arm around you, and I saw that shy smile you tried to hide when I called you "cute"... that's not the first time you've reacted like that. All the times I've condescendingly patted you on the head or dragged you by the shirt collar… don't think I didn't notice you get all flustered. You didn't always try all that hard to resist, either. (Laugh)

(Whisper) You like the idea of being my pet, don't you?

…

"Maybe?" Just "maybe?" Well if you're so unsure, I can always just get up and walk out of–

…

Yeah, that's what I thought. (Laugh) Good… because between you and me… and if you tell anyone this you're going to wish you were dead, by the way… You're one of the smarter people I know, sure, but that's not the only reason I came to you… the other reason is… I kinda like the idea of you being my pet, too. Something about it gets me going.

Especially the way you get worked up when I tease you these days, how you're starting to fight back a little… I mean you never would have told me off like you did when I was at the door before. It's got me thinking how fun it would be to put you back in your place. And that would take getting a little more hands-on…

Telling you what to do, leading you around, giving you commands… but it wouldn't be all bad for you, far from it. Part of being a pet is getting tossed a treat if you're good.

Oh, did I see your eyes widen when I said "treat?" You're so easy. (Laugh) Yeah, I wasn't sure before I got here… but seeing that look in your eyes… I'm sure now. You're doing this. I always wanted an obedient puppy of my own growing up. I didn't think that puppy would help with my homework instead of eating it, but I'll take it.

I bet you're probably wondering what exactly I mean by "giving you a treat." But you're too scared to ask, aren't you? Well, I did learn one thing at least from 12 credits of useless mandatory English classes… "show, don't tell."

Just let me lay you down. That's it, let me ease you back… I'll do all the work. I lead, you follow. Remember that.

Picture yourself in my room, say, a month from now. The two of us just got done drilling flash cards full of isomers and polymers and whatever-mers for Chem last night… and I aced this morning's quiz, all thanks to my good little pet's help. Now, I've decided my pet deserves a reward.

Ooh… was that a gulp you just made? Or was it a… whine? (Laugh) Don't be shy, it's natural for a pet to like it when their owner calls them good, isn't it? Anyway…

I start off by wrapping my arms around my pet, just like this. Mmm. That's it, just relax, don't struggle. I'm just giving you a hug, there's no way even a big, bad bully like me can make a hug hurt, is there? (Laugh) There. Now we both lay down and maybe I stroke your hair a little while my other hand just rubs your side, up and down, just like that…

Oh my, look at those trembling hands. You're enjoying this more than you thought you would, aren't you? You know, for a while I thought my favorite little nerd was too interested in equations and persuasive essays to have time for girls… not that they have a lot of time for you anyway, right? (Laugh) Well, this girl has plenty of time for you if you're a good pet…

Oh, so it was a whine… and not the annoying kind you usually make. (Laugh) Let's see if we can get a couple more of those… I like them. Maybe I'll move my hand a little lower down your back, maybe put my head right next to yours so I can (Whisper) whisper right in your ear.

Mmm. That's it, just lean into me, nuzzle close. But let's get one thing straight… Oh, did that surprise you? You didn't expect me to put my hand around your neck? Don't worry, I won't squeeze… too hard. (Laugh) I just want to make sure we're clear… I may be cuddling you, but I'm not your girlfriend… I'm your owner, and you're my pet. And that means you do what I say, isn't that right?

…

Good pet! You're learning so well. Mmm… you have a pretty neck. I bet that's the last thing you ever expected to hear from me (Laugh), but it's true… maybe I'll go to PetSmart later and pick up one of those cute little dog collars to put around it. Would you like that? Would you like having a collar pressing into your skin all the time under your clothes, reminding you who you belong to?

…

"Maybe?" Is that all you ever say? (Laugh)

No, no, it's okay… relax. I'm not mad. It's natural. You're a pet, you're not supposed to know everything. Just stick to derivatives and grammar or whatever like a good nerd… I'm supposed to know all the important stuff. And what I know right now is… I think maybe you can help me with a little more than just grades. Maybe you can scratch one or two other itches… Like I said, I always wanted a nice, obedient puppy…

Oh no… was that a little whimper? Sorry, are my nails digging into your skin painful? Well… get used to it. Because I can get rough. But you already know that, don't you? And that's why you like me.

…

That's what I like to hear. Here, let's see how well you take commands, pet. I want you to… nibble at my neck a little. But not too hard… unless you want to earn yourself a punishment. I'm still your bully, after all, I'm capable of doing that if I need to.

Mmm. That's nice… have you done this before? Because you're not half bad… wow. Oh, sorry, didn't mean to tighten my hand on your neck… but can you blame me? (Laugh) It's good you learn to get used to that feeling, anyway. Yeah… just keep going. I could get used to this…

I wonder what all those professors you so desperately want to impress would say if they could see you now. (Laugh) But you don't care anymore do you? Being a teacher's pet suddenly doesn't matter so much anymore… Being a bully's pet is so much better. Yeah… keep going.

Hey! I said not too hard. Unless you want to feel those nails again somewhere a lot more sensitive, you'd better listen to what I say. Open your eyes, look at me. You're mine now. Understand? Don't speak, just nod.

…

Good. Good pet. Get back to work now. Let your owner do the thinking, you just obey.

Mmm… looking around, you don't have too much junk. I think I'll be generous and let you bring some of it over to my place when you move in… A shame you'll have to part with these sheets, though, since I only have room for one bed. They're nice and soft… but I think you'll find mine are pretty comfortable, too. I was going to have you sleep on my couch… but now… who knows. Maybe your attention to my neck is turning me soft, but I'm thinking I might just let you share my bed… wouldn't that be a treat?

…

No, no, no words. I know. Just keep doing what you're doing. Good pet. I can't believe I waited so long to do this…

I have a feeling this is going to be an excellent semester for me.