Context: You room with Michael and Greg, who each come with their own positives and negatives. Greg is chill, but never really backs you up against Michael, who seems to somewhat delight in getting under your skin. It's just another day with the mysterious grouch and he mentioned he was going to party with some Wiccans in the apartment upstairs. He even joked that he'd been dared to chug a 'love potion', but you're sure he'll just come home drunk and grumpier. You might just be surprised... like, really surprised.

Setting: The Listener's home.

Tags:[MM4A][Tsundere Roommate Speaker][Sec. Roommate Speaker][Kind Roommate Listener][Mean]to[Comically Nice][Comedy][Tropes][Confession][Stupid From Love][Tsundere Tropes][CW: Coughing/Mentions of Hospital Visitation]

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[M] = Michael, your grumpy roommate

[G] = Greg, your chill roommate

[Scene opens in a shared apartment]

[SFX: Some soft music and the Listener stirring/walking downstairs]

[You wake up to some nice music, stretch, and notice it’s snowing outside. After getting on your robe and slippers, you head downstairs and see one of your roommates lounging on the couch]

[Pause]

[Michael, the roommate, grunts coldly at you]

[Pause?]

[M, with a sigh] “Yes, I did notice it was snowing outside. And good morning to you, too.”

[Pause…]

[M] “As much as you forget social cues, I’ve learned not to hold the lack of etiquette against you, so quit apologizing. There’s coffee.”

[SFX: A coffee cup clinking against others]

[M] “You can’t have any.”

[Pause!]

[He snorts]

[M] “Fine, fine. Relax… Is that a new sweater? I thought you were knitting that ridiculous pink one for your coworker?”

[Pause.]

[M] “Ah, finished that one already? Fair. Well, I hope he enjoyed his super lame present.”

[...]

[M] “I am not being any more or less mean to you than I am to anyone else.”

[Pause.]

[He scoffs]

[M] “I act like I’m jealous when you’re nice to others? Yeah, OK.”

[Pause?]

[M] “I would actually rather eat a mothball cake than get one of your sweaters as a gift, but thanks.”

[Pause…]

[M] “Oh? Am I so mean that you have trouble telling when I’m joking or not? Well… Why would you assume I’m joking?”

[SFX: A pillow getting thrown in a tsundere’s face]

[You lightly toss a pillow in his face. He remains unimpacted, sipping his coffee without pause]

[M] “Oh no, not a pillow to the face. How will I survive.”

[Pause.]

[M] “Actually, I think Greg is dragging me to the apartment upstairs tonight for some kind of weird Wiccan party.”

[Pause??]

[M] “Yeah, you know… Those goth kids live upstairs and fancy themselves as Witches and Warlocks or whatever. They always have the best hookups for drink and leaf, so I try not to miss out on one of their parties. Greg said they were brewing up a ‘love potion’ tonight to prove they only love their dark lord. Dared me to chug it.”

[Pause…]

[He shrugs nonchalantly]

[M] “Hey, wow, thanks for ‘caring’ about my safety, but I doubt the nerds upstairs are going to be packing anything heavy in a ‘love potion’. Worst case, it’s a ritual sacrifice and you get an out to find a nicer roommate.”

[...]

[M] “Oh, stow the worry, c’mon. I know you don’t like me so tone down on the, ‘But Michaeellll…’. And don’t sit there like I secretly like you or some dumb shit, OK? You’ve seen me in front of people I like. I can’t stop saying shit like ‘wow’ and ‘like’. It’s just a weird goth kid party, OK?”

[Pause…]

[Michael rolls his eyes but seems to relent]

[M] “Fine. I’ll try and check in by ten. Just don’t feel like you need to wait up, mmkay?”

[Pause.]

[M] “Eyup, opinion heard and discarded. You have a good day basking in pumpkin spice and book smell.”

[SFX: Coffee being poured, spitefully, and the Listener going back to their room/their door shutting]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time Lapse - Thirteen Hours Later

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Scene opens back in the Listener’s room]

[SFX: TV white noise/a gentle knock]

[Pause?]

[G] “Yo, it’s Greg! Just letting you know we’re home!”

[Pause!]

[G] “Uhhh… Yeah, Michael’s… good…”

[M, faint] “Oh my Gawwwd, dude, you’re selling me, here!”

[G, not faint at all] “Dumbass, you’re the one that drank the whole punch bowl full of ‘potion’, you’re selling yourself! You sound like a soccer mom at a coffee shop who dropped her drink and is having a meltdown over ‘mY cArAmEl mAcChIaTo!!!’. Like, actually shut up before I leave you to suffer for your stupidity.”

[Pause???]

[M, less faint] “Wait, wow, no, like, you don’t need to come out! We’re going to bed, it’s good!”

[G] “Wait, are you in your pajamas?”

[Pause!]

[M, faint] “Sweet Jesus-”.

[G] “Awesome, you and Mike have fun!”

[SFX: The Listener walker toward the door/Greg hurrying away]

[M, anti-faint] “GREG, you are DEAD to me-!”

[SFX: The door opening]

[Michael turns to you, posing super casually even though he looks like a mouse before a crocodile. His tone softens immensely]

[M] “Ohhh, heeeeey. Heeey, you…”

[Pause…?]

[He smiles like he’s in agony, sweat pouring down his forehead]

[M] “Me, sweating? Psh, like, no way, it’s so hot. Like, Christmas who, right? Is that a new sweater you knit?”

[Pause…]

[He bites his lip as you bring up his gift]

[M] “Oh, h-haha! You knit me one in black, huh? Wow! That’s super duper nice of you! Like, your wrists must be so sore from doing that! Here, let me see them…”

[He gently takes your hands, rubbing his thumbs over your wrists. For some reason, he starts talking to you in near baby talk]

[SFX: Him taking the Listener’s hands]

[...P-Pause?]

[M] “Aww, poor Birdie… Working so hard to be nice… W-Which is dumb!”

[Pause :(]

[He lets out a very wet cough into one hand and you start as you see red liquid trailing down his lips]

[SFX: Michael coughing]

[Pause?!]

[M] “OH WOW, OK, Jesus Christ, being mean to you hurts… Ohhh, that really fucks my Christmas ORNAMENTS!”

[SFX: More harsh coughing]

[His tone returns to… normal?]

[M] “Hm? Me, coughing up blood? Nnnnnooooo, nooo, it’s not blood. Don’t worry about it, right? Like, so what if I give myself a stress ulcer forcing myself to be nice to you because you’re too cute-ooohh wow oh my god OK.”

[Pause???]

[He leans against the wall, still smiling and trying way too hard to look ‘casual’]

[M] “Pupils are heart-shaped? Uh, yeah. Wow. Makes sense, mmhm. Phew, do you see that three-headed snake over there? Cause, man-”.

[Pause?????]

[M] “Uh, yeah, I may have tanked what the goth kids were calling a ‘love potion’. Just tasted like melted popsicle water and lies to me. Man, you know, not to be weird - don’t make this weird, right? But the way that sweater is hanging slightly off of one shoulder is going to make me act uuuuup.”

[Pause?]

[M] “I chugged one-hundred and twenty-eight ounces of ‘love potion’, yes.”

[Pause?!]

[M] “Oh, they said it wouldn’t force me or anyone else to fall in love, it would just reveal my ‘true love’ or some dumb shit. Can you believe that? Can I take my shirt off so I can put on the sweater you made me? Is it weird if I sniff it a little bit?”

[...?]

[He cocks his head, still sweating and visibly shaking]

[M] “Yeah, I’m great, man. Why do you ask?”

[He turns and coughs harshly again. The red liquid he coughs up, you notice, is oddly sparkly]

[M, between coughs] “Oh wow, aha, sorry! Lungs shutting down! Blech, why is it sparkly?! Like, wow, not even afforded the dignity of it not sparkling, sure… I think I’m dying.”

[...?]

[M, earnest] “I would like to go to the hospital, please, yes.”

[Pause!]

[You take his hand and drag him along. He gives a tiny gasp and whispers:]

[M] “They’re holding my hand…”

[PAUSE]

[M] “I’m focused, I’m focusing! It is all good! Wow, you smell really nice…”

[Pause?!]

[M] “Did the goth kids say when it would wear off? Um… They were kinda too busy making out with each other, to be honest… Like, man, you would have been so embarrassed by how hard they were going at it… Could I maybe kiss you?”

[Pause…]

[M] “Right, right, right, hospital. Yes… I’m gonna think about it. Can I think about it?”

[...]

[M] “...Yeah, I’mma think about it.”

[SFX: Fade out on keys jiggling/them hurrying out and the door being locked]

[To be continued?]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: It is now my headcanon that tsunderes literally go through this level of suffering every time they are either too lovey or too mean to their crushes because it’s way funnier IMO.

Second Note: "I have done nothing but chug love potion for three days." - Michael, probably.