*** = listener speaking

Can be monetised, just please link back to either this post or my YouTube!

Gender(s) can be changed if wanted!

~~~

P: Popular

B: Bully

~~~

P&B: …Huh?

B: You’re kidding, right?

P: Hun, I don’t mean to sound rude, but…

B: Did you lose some braincells or something?

P: Don’t be so rude!

B: What? It’s true!

P: They’re just trying to be optimistic! You don’t have to get on their case about it.

B: But you agree what they said is stupid, right?

P: No, I don’t think it’s stupid.

B: Ugh, fine. You agree that it wouldn’t work out, don’t you?

P: …Yes.

B: Exactly. Like hell we’d ever be able to get along.

***

B: And why the hell should I even try, nerd? Little Miss Perfect over here is too much of a headache to be around.

P: Are you sure you aren’t talking about yourself?

B: Unlike you, I don’t go on about how perfect I am.

P: You are the only one calling me perfect!

B: Yeah, right. You probably tell yourself how amazing you are in the mirror, don’t you?

P: At least the mirror doesn’t break when I look at it.

B: You bi-

***

P: Ah… sorry, hun. She just really is impossible to get along with.

***

P: You really want us to try and get along that badly?

P: …Alright.

B: I’m sorry, what?

P: Don’t get me wrong – I still think you’re the most insufferable person I’ve ever met.

P: But if hun wants us to get along, I will put our differences aside.

B: Oh come off it. Are you really that weak-willed? Just one little bat of the eyes from the nerd and you concede?

P: It’s called being compassionate. Maybe you should try it.

B: Yeah, no. If ‘being compassionate’ means that I have to spend more time around you, I’m good.

P: I’ll pay wherever we go.

B: …Okay now you just sound desperate.

***

B: Seriously, nerd? …Ugh, fine. If it’ll get you off my back about this.

P: Now who’s the one conceding?

B: Don’t make me change my mind, Little Miss Perfect.

P: You and I both know you won’t.

P: So, hun, should we get going to the café?

B: …Do we have to go there?

P: Why can’t we?

B: Because… the place just sucks.

***

B: Hey! Why are you-

P: The owner is HER SISTER? That sweet woman is her SISTER?

B: Shut up! Don’t yell it for the whole damn campus to hear!

P: But the owner’s always going on about how her sister is the cutest person in the world! Are you sure!?

B: Sometimes people act differently at home and in public, it’s nothing to shout about! Just drop it already!

P: I still can’t believe it… I’m hoping that means there’s hope for you, but…

B: Can we just get going already!?

P: I mean, sure, but… hey, don’t drag them!

[P&B and listener walk to the café]

B: Ugh, I can’t believe I let you take me here…

P: You realise you were the one who dragged them here, right?

B: Only because they wouldn’t shut up about following your plans.

P: Oh, so you do have a heart?

B: You shut your-

***

P: Oops… sorry, hun. Didn’t mean for things to go that route again…

B: [sighs] Can we just order already? The sooner I’m away from Little Miss Perfect, the better.

P: Alright – I’m guessing you don’t need to look at a menu either?

B: …Please tell me you’re not a regular.

P: I am~

B: I swear to… you know what, whatever, we’re here anyway.

B: Nerd, just hurry up and look at the menu so we can get out of here in case my sister shows up.

P: We know, we know, you’ve said it like ten times already.

B: Ugh.

***

B: You’re getting that? …Your tastebuds really haven’t changed, have they?

P: That sounded rather… not-an-insult-like.

B: Because I’m getting that too, obviously.

B: You might fall short in other things, but I’m glad to see your at least tastebuds are still good.

***

B: [laughs] Well, obviously the fact that my sister’s recipes are amazing is part of the choice too. That’s a given.

P: Are all the items here your sister’s recipes?

B: Not all of them, but the original ones are. She used to be the only worker in this place, after all – be a bit hard to have any others if you have no one to offer ‘em.

P: Damn, seriously? She ran this place all by herself?

B: Well it’s not like we live in the middle of a major city or anything. Plus I… we, used to help out when we were younger. Before she hired some workers and had no excuse to tread the line of child labour laws.

P: Aww, I can imagine it now! I bet you looked so cute as a tiny cook, hun!

***

P: Oh, you were only on the till? Shame! …Though, actually, I’d love to try your cooking sometime!

B: Er- yeah, no. Don’t. Do not risk it.

P: And here I thought you had finally stopped being rude…

B: First off, shut up.

P: Excuse me-

B: Second off, I’m being serious. Unless the nerd has somehow gone through some cooking training arc, do not put yourself at risk.

P: ‘At risk’?

B: Well, nerd? Have you evolved from burning milk?

***

B: I rest my case.

***

B: Hold up-

P: Hmm… well, if it’s a recommendation from you, hun, I suppose I could try her cooking.

B: I did not agree to that-

P: Why not? Are you saying you can’t cook?

B: No, I can cook. I was taught by the person at the café you apparently can’t get enough of, of course I can!

P: Then it’s settled! Next time we hang out, we can go round your place and you can show off your cooking skills!

B: You want to come round MY house?

P: We can do it round mine, if you’d prefer!

B: You want me to go to a house I’ve never been to before just to cook?

P: Ah, that’s a good point, actually…

***

P: Oh, really? Well, like hun said, we can just go round theirs, then!

B: This isn’t an issue of whose house to go to! Why would I want to cook for you?

P: It’s an excuse for us to get together again! Hun wants us to get along, remember? So we should hang out more so we can get to know each other!

B: You’re seriously not letting that go… nerd, can you tell her you didn’t mean it to that extent?

***

B: You DID mean it to that extent? Why?

***

B: Wha- I have friends!

***

B: I just walk alone across campus because I prefer it!

P: That’s a lie if I ever heard one…

B: Just… ugh!

P: Look, even if you say no, I’ll just come up to you on campus and talk to you until you can’t say no anymore.

B: Because that’s what ‘hun’ wants?

P: Yes, because that’s what hun wants.

B: …Fine. But we’re doing it round their house, and you’re bringing the ingredients.

P: Okay! Give me your number so we can-

B: Nope, way too soon. I’ll text the nerd and they can text you.

***

B: No, I… I didn’t delete your number.

B: What’s that smile for!? Both of you!

P: Nothing~ how does next weekend work for you both?

B: It’s… fine.

P: Is that good for you, hun?

***

P: Great! It’s a date!

B: With three people?

P: Thruples exist, don’t they?

B: We are not a- ugh, what have I got myself into…

P: Something that’s going to be fun! Right, hun?