Context: You were just a simple Wood Nymph, trying to steal the royal crown for a quick payday, and a bit of fun. Unfortunately, the bratty prince caught you and sentenced you to a most unusual punishment - to be the healer to a band of notorious warriors known as the Sons of Iron. Rarely seen outside of their mountain homestead, they have a reputation for being ten-foot monstrosities that love fighting more than anything. Should be fun, eh?

Setting: The Timeless Forest - Mt. Ironside

Tags:[MM4A][Cruel Prince Speaker][Supernatural Warrior Speaker][Thief Wood Nymph Listener][So Many Himbos][Funishment?][Comedy][Joining the Party][Muscle Boys][Size Difference][Lore Drops][Spicy][Flirting??][Fantasy][S'jaian Monsters][CW: Fighting/Mentions of Injury/Death]

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[P] = The bratty Prince, only speaks in italics

[J] = Jun, the head of the Sons of Iron. He tiddy

[Scene opens in a Medieval army camp]

[SFX: The Listener’s footsteps/a pretty heavy knock-out-drag-out fight]

[You walk toward the camp of your new masters, trying to be nonchalant about the knockdown brawl happening before you. The Prince’s words echo in your mind:]

[P] “Ooh, you AWFUL creature, trying to steal my crown! I ought to have you decapitated! Sent to the gallows so you can be pelt with rotten tomatoes! But, no… Noo… You deserve a much worse fate….”

[Pause??]

[SFX: The fight continuing - grunting/impacts/general large boi wrestling amongst a forest clearing]

[J] “C’mon, Amos! C’MON! You want to keep your face, you best keep your hands up!”

[SFX: More heavy impacts]

[P] “Hmhm, your punishment will be being the personal healer for the Iron Sons! Haha, yes…. Those ten-foot monstrosities will run you absolutely ragged, assuming they don’t just snap your spine the moment you show up! HA! Perfect….”

[Pause!]

[J] “C’mon, C’MON! You want to take me out, you need to-HHGK!”

[You stop cold as the other man, Amos, brings his fist up and nearly caves in the other man’s chest. A violent cut rips open one pectoral muscle]

[SFX: One Hell of a tiddy punch]

[Pause!!]

[J] “Hrgh… Good hit. Managed to slash the muscle on my tit open! Good work!”

[SFX: Manly pats of affirmation]

[J] “Oh…? And who is this, watching us battle?”

[...]

[J] “...Amos, go. I’ll deal with this interloper.”

[Amos nods and trudges off, rubbing his lower back with a wince]

[...Pause]

[You eye this beast of a man. He eyes you back, a lot larger and a lot more ferocious]

[Pause.]

[J] “...Do you always butt in with your opinion?”

[Pause.]

[J, with a huff] “Sparring with each other is quite normal. If you cannot handle the Warriors of Mount Ironside sparring before you, perhaps you had best move on.”

[Pause]

[The massive, shirtless man rolls his eyes and plants his sword firmly in the snow]

[SFX: The ground being stabbed once, as if it owes money]

[J] “Hmph! So, you are the one that tried to steal from the King! And the old fart sent you out to us instead of putting you to the blade? What could a thief possibly offer?”

[Pause?]

[J] “I beg your pardon?”

[Pause!]

[He harumphs with immense disdain]

[J] “No, I will not just ‘bend my ten-foot tall ass down so you can see my injured tit’! You want to see my tit, you can yank me by the beard, same as any Iron Woman!”

[...]

[SFX: The Listener parkouring up a nearby tree]

[You scramble up a nearby tree as he watches, latching your legs around the nearest branch and smacking your hand on the cut in his pec]

[J] “Hmph. You scramble around the trees like a wood nymph, I’ll give you-”.

[SFX: A pec slap]

[J] “OW, MY TIT! Don’t slap it, or I’m going to toss you into the ring and-!”.

[SFX: Healing magic]

[He pauses as your magic kicks in and seals the nasty slash in his pec, exposed muscle and all]

[J] “...Oh, gods damn us, you’re our healer??”

[Pause <3]

[J, grumbling and muttering]

[J] “Fantastic. A wood nymph healer is more likely to seduce and eat my men’s faces than to be useful.”

[Pause?]

[J] “Pfft, trust me, we’ve had our share of run-ins with nymphs. Always pawing at our pants, always complaining when we lift them over our heads and toss them in the nearest body of water! How else does one deal with a woman who wants to wrestle with kisses???”

[...]

[You crack up and he looks at you, unimpressed]

[J] “Why do you laugh, Nymph?! Battle is serious! Battle is to be respected and honored, no matter how grotesque!”

[...]

[You lose it even harder]

[J, rolling his eyes] “For fuck’s… Get out of the tree and present yourself respectfully, Nymph! Also, you tweak a nipple one more time…”

[SFX: The Listener dropping out of the tree]

[J] “Good. Come, then. Let me introduce you to the brothers-in-arms you will attend during our march.”

[SFX: Footsteps]

[He marches you into the camps where more rather large lads are roughhousing]

[J, with a curt whistle] “Boys! Form up!”

[They fall into line with practiced ease, though a few sneak in a few arm punches]

[J] “Hey, no sneak punches! There will be no fighting like a valley vulture! Erm, no offense, Nymph.”

[Pause~]

[J] “Ahem. Boys, this is our healer. I’m calling them Nymph because I can’t be fucked to call them otherwise. Nymph, the four men before you are: Turik, Amos, Lavis, and Boros. I am Jun and we are the best that Mount Ironside can offer and, together, we march for your dragon King.”

[Pause]

[You exchange a casual greeting with them. They, in turn, look at you like they cannot handle how much smaller you are than them]

[J] “Heed me, all of you. I know we all get a little… saucy… when it comes to battles.”

[SFX: Some murmurs/chuckles of affirmation]

[J] “And I know that all of you really, REALLY want to fight dragons, bare-knuckled-”.

[SFX: Bar cheering]

[J] “HEY! Hey… Keep it in your pants! This is an important mission, granted by his majesty. We need to at least pretend like we’re here for the gold and glory, eh? Can’t have the Crown thinking we’re having fun doing our jobs, otherwise, we may never get to do it again! And I don’t know about you boys… but I like to FIGHT!”

[SFX: WOO!]

[He slaps his chest, ignoring the pain of his still-healing cut]

[J] “I like to earn my meals by FIGHTING!”

[SFX: WOOO!!!]

[J] “I like to impress pretty ladies by FIGHTING!”

[SFX: WOOOO!!!!]

[Pause!]

[SFX: WOOOOOO!!!]

[J] “Hey, no! NO. Nymph, we do not encourage starting fights by thieving! Thieving is for chumps! You wanna take something, you earn it by FIGHTING!!!”

[Pause!!]

[SFX: Hysterical, manly laughter]

[J] “Stop that! We do not ‘steal to feel’ and we certainly don’t ‘fight to fuck’! Rrgh, of course, Eperimus sent me one with a damned attitude… Look here, Nymph. Have you noticed what makes we Iron Warriors unique, yet?”

[Pause?]

[Jun glowers at you and rolls his very molten eyes]

[J] “...I swear to-. That is not us ‘sparkling’. We ‘sparkle’ because the sun is catching the natural iron scaling under our flesh. We are made of the mountain! Her sons in all regards, impervious to most blades and weapons!”

[Pause~]

[J] “No. Nope. No one flex for the Nymph. Do not encourage them.”

[Pause…]

[J] “Nymph, this is not meant to be fun! We are marching to help protect people in the valley. It is an important mission and- AMOS, I SAID NO FLEXING!”

[Amos pouts but puts his guns away]

[J] “Listen to me, all of you.”

[This time, the others completely devote their attention. You decide it might be wise to do the same]

[SFX: Jun’s boots crunching the snow]

[J] “I know that, normally, we don’t hold back when it comes to sparring. Not many people travel to Mount Ironside to battle us, and for good reason. These are Orcs we face. Orcs that have no qualms about hurting innocents… With that in mind, I expect all of you to remember these rules.”

[Pause]

[He straightens his back, eyes searing through you. The cold of the snow creeps through your back]

[J] “There will be no playing with your food. Go for the kill, each time, with no hesitation. If they plead for their lives, do not listen. No Orc that doesn’t have a blade ready for your spine would ever stoop so low… Do not let a good heart end your life.”

[...]

[SFX: Fire bubbling and then roaring]

[Jun gestures to his bare chest, where black and red veins crackle across his flesh]

[J] “We are Sons of the Iron, Sons of the Forge, and Sons of the Mountain. All of us burn with the primal energy of the molten beneath. The fires of the underworld, the seas of lava, all of this crackles within us. You all know what happens if you lose control…”

[...Pause?]

[He rolls his eyes but seems pleased that you even asked]

[J] “What happens, Nymph, is that we burn hotter than the sun, with an uncontrollable, violent anger that cannot be stopped until we avenge our honor. That is why, my brothers, you must go for the kill. Do not allow yourself to be caught unaware. Do not allow yourself to lose control… otherwise, innocents will die, and if that happens…”

[SFX: Fire flaring from Jun]

[Violent, scarlet flames erupt off of him in a very brief eruption. The snow around him melts so quickly that the water drops flash boil]

[J] “You will answer to me. If you harm an innocent, even if just by stealing a little snack-”.

[He looks at you and, for once, you feel your spine straighten]

[J] “You will answer to me. Understood?”

[SFX: Answers of affirmation]

[You nod with the others and Jun’s demeanor eases. A little]

[J] “Good. Now, I’m starving! Let us go and find a sea beast to wrestle ashore!”

[SFX: WOOOO!!!!/The warriors marching off to go kill a sea serpent]

[...]

[J] “You too, Nymph. If you’re going to be our healer, then you need to be on hand in case someone gets bitten.”

[...]

[Oh, this is going to be fun]

[You offer him a thumbs up and your sweetest smile. He rolls his eyes in response]

[J] “Gods, you are going to drive me insane… C’mon. Let’s move.”

[SFX: Fade out on them marching off]

[To be continued]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: If you’re curious what they look like, just imagine someone took a bunch of Brolys from DBZ, threw them into a molten river of lava, and then decided to make that their whole-ass look as they climbed out and immediately began socking each other for funsies.