Alternative title suggestions: Hitman accidentally gives target a ride | Your ride turns out to be a hitman | Sweet driver has a dark secret | Assassin likes you too much to kill you | Stuck in a car with a cute contract killer 

TW/CW: vague mentions of death/killing people, implied warning of car accident/ listener getting run over (if they exit the car), mentions of (undefined) weapons

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Introduction (for listeners): After a long-planned camping trip with your friends had to end abruptly due to bad weather, banter quickly turns into an argument. It ends with you, out by the side of the road during a thunderstorm. As the rain grows even heavier, a car stops for you and a kind stranger offers you a ride. 

Summary (for speakers): You’re a contract killer, working in the business for a while. On your way to a new town for a hit job, you see a lone hitchhiker out on by the road, getting soaked by the rain. You can’t help but pity them and decide to stop the car to offer them a ride into town. After a nice chat with the stranger, you suddenly get a hint on your new target. And a picture. … It looks strangely familiar.

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Author’s notes: There’s one line where you can either use text-to-speech, distort your own voice or do a mini collab with somebody else! The audio quality of that line doesn’t matter (since it’s through an old car radio), so you could technically just ask a friend to send you a voice memo for it. 

Also: If you use a background ambiance, feel free to make pauses longer so the listeners can enjoy the sound. In a car it's also very natural to have longer episodes of silence between talking! :D

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~1500 words/ 15-30 mins Audio (depending on speech, pause length & sfx)

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Usage: Everything goes, as long as you give credit! Adjust wording, change stuff, improvise, add or remove scenes, make it nsfw if you want. For any questions, feel free to ask! Have fun! :D

Monetization/paywall is ok, but I’d appreciate being sent a free copy! 

Sfx optional but they enhance the experience, if you have access.

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Setting: first: on the side of a small road, surrounded by trees, as a thunderstorm is coming up. Then: inside of a car, driving around during thunderstorm

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sometimes I use … for very short pauses between lines → easier to read

[these are for sfx, actions, pauses or other remarks] 

(these are for vocal cues and instructions)

italics are for emphasising a word

— — —

[sfx: heavy rain and wind rustling through trees, a car whooshes by. A few moments pass. New car drives up and stops beside the listener. Car window is pulled down]

(Vocal description: sarcastic undertone when joking, otherwise somewhat dismissive and casual, calm, collected, sweet and genuine, a little awkward)

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You need a ride, ey?

Where’re ya off to?

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[pause of listener replying]

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Oh?

You’re in luck, then.

I have to go down there for a job. 

Hop on in. 

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[sfx: car door opens, listener climbs in, car door closes]

[continuous sfx: inside of a driving car during heavy rain, optional: thunder]

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I normally don’t pick up hitchhikers, but you poor thing don’t even have a raincoat. 

…

If you reach behind you, there’s a heavy blanket in the back somewhere. 

It has some old oil stains on it, but it’s warm and dry.

You look soaked… 

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[sfx: heavy blanket shuffles as it’s being pulled from the back seat and then draped over the listener]

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That button there’s for seat heating, but I think one of the cables might be defective and you can’t turn it up all the way.

Haven’t gotten around to fixing it yet…

…

But the medium setting works just fine, and should be enough to make sure you don’t catch a cold. 

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[short pause]

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What are you even doing out in this kind of weather, all by yourself?

We’re quite far from the city.

The weather forecast said there’s a thunderstorm cooking up and advised people to stay indoors, so…

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[slightly longer pause. don’t be shy, have a moment of silence]

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Oh jeez…
And they just kicked you out in the middle of nowhere?

That’s not really what friends do, don’t you think?

…

You’re lucky anyone’s even driving this way, with how the weather’s been behaving. 

…

I was thinking about taking the main road at first.

But I had a feeling there might be an accident, considering how wet the streets are and how little you can see through the rain…

…

I suppose I’m glad I didn’t. 

But we will have to go on the highway in a little bit. 

Let’s just hope the other drivers behave…

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[pause]

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The uh… the radio isn’t working at the moment. 

Bad connection and a few little bugs in the system. 

So we’ll either have to fill the ride with awkward silence, or awkward banter. 

Your choice.

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[short pause]

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I know. I’ll have to get that fixed, too…

I’ve been a bit busy lately.

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[short pause]

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Yeah, I travel a lot for work, never get to stay in one spot for very long.

But I’m fine with it. 

You get used to it, eventually…

Especially when you don’t have anyone waiting for you at home.

…

It’s actually quite nice. 

Somewhat of a freeing feeling to just be able to see more of the country, without having to worry about anyone feeling left behind. 

…

Enough about that, though. 

(small chuckle) I’m sure it’s boring you already. 

And I don’t really like talking about my personal affairs too much. 

…

I’m not even sure why I’m telling you this, to begin with. 

…

Maybe you just have a very relaxing aura. 

…

(lighthearted, joking:) You could make for a good spy. 

(chuckle)

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[short pause]

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Anyways…

Why were you and your… ‘friends’ even out here in the first place?

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[pause] 

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(disbelieving:) Camping?

In this weather-?

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[pause]

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The more you tell me about those people, the weirder they get…

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[short pause]

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Is this the right way?

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[sfx: indicator/blinker doing it’s thing for a little while, as they pull up onto the highway]

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You’re not in a hurry, are you?

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[short pause]

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Good. 

Because I don’t plan on going much faster than this. 

…

The car is company property, and I’d rather not get scolded by the boss again…

And as good as my reflexes may be, you can barely see a car’s length ahead.

I’d rather not risk it…

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[short pause]

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You look comfy. 

Have you warmed up a little by now?

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[short pause]

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I’m glad. 

…

We’ll still take a bit until we get to our destination, but you’re rather nice company. 

I never thought picking up a hitchhiker would be this pleasant.

…

Voice (slightly distorted) through the radio: [kshht] “Got new info on your target. Picture sending now.”

…

Uhh… Well that’s awkward-

I uhm-

I could’ve sworn I turned that off. 

…

Wait-

That…

Is that you in the picture?! 

You’ve got to be kidding me- 

…

Let’s just… turn that off and pretend like nothing happened. 

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[short pause]

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I mean, what else are we supposed to do?

I can’t just take you out in the middle of the road. 

In a company car, nonetheless.

The cleaning bill and damage to the inside of it would get me in a lot of trouble.

And the next exit is still a couple of minutes away-

(deep sigh)

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[sfx: central locking system of the car, all doors click shut]

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Don’t even think about that. 

Despite how slow I’m going, we’re now on a highway. In heavy rain.

You’d cause an accident and probably traumatise whatever poor driver can’t stop the car in time. 

…

We’ll figure this out somehow, okay?

…

Just stay calm, and don’t try anything stupid. 

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[short pause, listener is eying the glove compartment] 

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I don’t have any weapons in there. 

Just a bunch of papers, some tissues and sanitising wipes.

Unless you plan on chewing up my documents and spitting them at me, that won’t really help you.

…

Actually… There has to be a little box of mints around somewhere. 

Could you dig that out for me, while you’re at it?

…

No, it’s not a trick. 

I just really like the way they taste. 

You can have one too, if you like. But they’re a bit spicy.

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[short pause, listener looks slightly weirded out]

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Oh come on- 

I’m trying to ease the situation a bit.

There’s no sense in letting tension grow even worse for the next few minutes, don’t you think?

…

What did you even do that somebody would want you dead-?

You don’t seem like the type of sleazy gangster I usually have to deal with.

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[short pause, listener shakes head] 

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No idea at all?

Hm…

Strange.

…

Anyways…

I suppose my initial idea of inviting you to dinner won’t work out too well anymore.

Jeez…

What a weird situation.

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[short pause, listener confused]

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I uhm… You looked hungry. 

I didn’t get the chance to ask you yet. 

Was going to suggest it when we got to the city.

But that idea’s down the drain now. 

…

I guess I’ll have to find a secluded spot for the two of us instead. 

And not in the fun way-

(considering) I mean… Even if you were to run away, I’d only lose my element of surprise. 

And maybe having dinner together could still be fun?

…

Dumb idea. 

I know. 

…

Fraternising with the target-

Not something I ever thought I’d try. At least not like this…

…

What a strange coincidence, too-

Receiving the job to find you, just as you’re sitting in my car. 

Cuddled up in a blanket, soaked from the rain…

…

If I’ve learned anything in my time being, it’s that looks can be deceitful. 

But I’ve never had anyone put up that good of an act.

Normally, I can see right through people. 

They may have an innocent face, but you can tell by that subtle undertone in their voice. 

The way they stare at you just a little too intensely. 

The nervous glancing around or way too casual stance. 

Or how a fine muscle on their face keeps twitching. 

But you…?

You’re a tough one. 

I can’t hear so much as a slightest hint of guilt or evil intent in your voice. 

You didn’t switch up at all when that message came through.

If anything, you seem.. scared. 

Like a mouse that's been trapped in a cage. 

You try to puff up your fur to seem bigger, scramble around to find something to protect yourself with.

(genuine) You don’t seem like a bad person.

…

Can you think of anyone who might want to get rid of you for whatever reason?

Maybe you upset somebody. 

Or seen something you shouldn’t have.

…

(deep, defeated sigh)

As if that actually matters now…

Even if you were entirely innocent, you’ve seen my face. 

You know what I do. Or at least you got a pretty good hint. 

Doesn’t take a detective to connect the dots…

I can’t just let you skip off on your jolly way.

…

Maybe it would’ve been better, had I never stopped to pick you up.

But you probably would’ve caught your death out there, too. 

…

Well… 

Not like in here is any better- 

(short, sarcastic, very dry chuckle)

That really is quite an unlucky day for you, whichever way it would have ended…

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[pause]

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And there’s our exit. 

[sfx: indicator being triggered]

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[awkward pause]

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Do you have a favourite restaurant in town?

I mean, prisoners also get a last meal, don’t they?

And you seem nice. 

…

We don’t have to… but I’m getting a bit hungry as well. 

It’s been a long day and I think we both deserve a nice meal. 

Anything you want. I’ll pay.

…

I suppose that’s the least I can do.

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[sfx go on for a little longer, then fade out]