*** = listener speaking

Can be monetised, just please link back to either this post or my YouTube!

Gender(s) can be changed if wanted!

~~~

[listener runs in home and slams shut the door]

Oh no~ what did they do today?

***

[speaker chuckles]

You humans always have the same responses. ‘Who are you?’ ‘Where are you?'

It’s… a bit dull, honestly.

But hey! Who am I to judge a potential client?

[speaker appears in front of listener]

Hello.

***

…I was not expecting the scream, but thank you for the energetic welcome.

Do you have anything to drink? I’m parched.

Do you mind if I have some water? We don’t really have much in hell, on account of everything burning rather than being wet.

It’s a nice treat to have once in a while when I come up to your third of the realms~

[speaker starts to walk away in search of water]

***

Didn’t you already ask who I was? And wasn’t hell enough of a hint?

***

Well done! Yes, I’m a demon. Good to see those braincells in your skull are still working.

We should have a very constructive conversation then.

Ah, there’s one of your little human taps!

[speaker turns it on; the sound snaps the listener out of their confusion and they run after the speaker]

Have you snapped out of it now? That disbelief funk all you humans seem to go through when a demon pops up, I mean.

***

Sounds like you’re not completely out of it… oh well! I still need to get things moving along.

The faster I can convince you to sign a contract, the faster the fun begins.

***

Yes, my dear human and potential benefactor, I am here to offer you a contract with a demon! Naturally, that demon being myself.

And before you say I’m pulling your leg, this is all perfectly legitimate, I’m no impersonator trying to pull your leg. I am the real thing, in the… um, not the flesh, but the demon equivalent of it.

Unfortunately, I don’t think humans have a direct translation for that word.

***

Yes, dear potential benefactor, I am here today to discuss the terms of a mutually beneficial contract between us both with no drawbacks for either party involved!

Tell me, what do you want most in this world?

***

I know there’s something you want, human.

You really thought my appearance now of all times was purely coincidental?

Try to appreciate my dramatic flair at least a little bit, please!

***

Of course I’m well aware of your issues!

Your peers at school and work don’t treat you with the respect you deserve, do they?

And your family is too distant with you to care to do anything.

You lead a pretty miserable life, huh? Don’t you want that to change?

I may not be a demon like a succubi, but I know my way around some love spells. So, just sign a contract with me, and-

***

…You don’t want them to like you?

Well, what do you want, then?

***

Revenge?

[speaker starts to get more excited; potentially added distortion/demonic sound effect]

Why didn’t you say so!? That’s way more up my alley as a wrath demon!

***

I’m a demon, why would I care what dark desires you have!? In fact, I want to hear all of them!

Every last little dark thought you’d had, I’ll listen to them all and make a reality!

***

‘Not all of them’? Jeez, way to kill the mood.

Whatever! What sinister plot do you have cooking? Does it involve water?

***

An elaborate revenge plan?

[speaker laughs]

I see… you’ve been working on this for some time now, haven’t you?

Sounds like you’ve got almost every wrinkle ironed out… why haven’t you done it yet?

***

You’re worried it would get traced back to you?

Ah, true… some of this stuff is pretty diabolical. You could wind up serving time if certain facts come to light.

Even more reason to sign a contract with me, then!

***

If you sign a contract with me, I guarantee not only will your original revenge plan be enacted, it will not be traced back to you!

Why? Because I’ll be the one to set it all in motion!

That way, you get to have your enemies have the worst comeuppance they’re ever experienced in their worthless mortal lives, you won’t have to worry about being caught because you’ll have an alibi for it all!

Sounds like a pretty good deal, no?

***

I suppose the bad part is that you’ll know you didn’t technically get revenge all on your own… but that’s just a small price to pay, right? You still came up with the plan and paid the hitman!

Oh, and obviously there’s the contract price of your soul in exchange for the fulfilment of your desires. But, again, all small details you don’t need to worry about!

So, my dear benefactor…

[demonic distortion/effect]

Do we have a deal?