Context: You got your dream job and you thought your bf would be happy. Instead, he exploded at you, and you decided to take a break. You've never seen him like that, and it opened old wounds from your childhood. Now, he's on your doorstep...

Setting: The Listener's apartment

Tags:[M4A][Established Relationship][Exes to Lovers?][Remorseful Ex-Boyfriend Speaker][Hurt Listener][Making Up][Confession][Reverse Comfort][Apology][VERY Spicy][CW: Mentions of Anger/Fighting/Bipolar Disorder][Continuation Avail.]

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[Scene opens at your new apartment]

[SFX: The Listener unpacking boxes followed by a knock]

[You are just settling into your new apartment when a knock comes at your front door]

[Pause?]

“...Yeah, it’s me…”

[...]

“Yes, I know, I remember what you said. You didn’t want to see my stupid face until you’d finished settling into the new place… Unfortunately for you, the rest of me is also stupid when it comes to you.”

[Pause.]

[He sighs from the other side of the door]

“...Yes, I am well aware that I fucked things up. More than aware… Can I please come in? It’s raining pretty hard out here.”

[Pause…]

“...Are you still uncomfortable with me?”

[Pause.]

[He sighs again. You go to the keyhole in the door and peer through. Your ex looks pretty rough]

“...I don’t… I don’t know what came over me. I don’t… I’ve never exploded like that, you know? I have a temper, sure, but I thought I’d been doing better… I went to therapy, just like you asked, and we were doing so well, and then all of a sudden you brought up this new job and wanting to move and… I just lost it.”

[...]

[SFX: Him resting his back against your door]

[You watch him rest his back against the door and slide down until he’s sitting]

“...Change is so bloody hard, you know? I was having panic attacks at work every day after you told me you wanted me to go to therapy. Problem to fix, I wasn’t fixing it fast enough, you were gonna leave…”

[...Pause]

“I know… I know you wouldn’t have until I blew up, but that’s not how my brain works. I need things to be safe. I need a safe space. I need to know we’re OK, otherwise, I lose my damned mind. I didn’t know how to fix this…”

[Pause.]

“Talk to you? And say what?? ‘Babe, I don’t want you to take your dream job because I’m too much of a coward to move away from a familiar place’?”

[Pause!]

“And then what? What honestly would your answer have been? ‘Oh, OK, no problem, let me just give up my whole life for this crazy bastard I’m too nice to leave’!”

[...]

[He eases]

“...I’m stopping. I’m sorry…”

[...]

“Fuck me, these flowers are properly drowned now.”

[Despite the tension, you laugh quietly. He chuckles as well]

[Pause?]

“Yes, I got your favorites. Even sprung for some Queen of the Night tulips to compliment your intensely dark tastes.”

[Pause <3]

“Hehe, of course. Only the best for you.”

[Pause…]

[He pauses for a moment or two before he admits something unexpected:]

“...I saw a psychiatrist. Amy recommended it. Said, ‘Therapy can help a lot but seeking a second opinion, or even medication, might be an idea’. I scoffed. Bitched. Moaned. Went and saw him. Long story short, I’m potentially bipolar.”

[...]

[He laughs]

“It’s OK, you can make jokes. It does explain a lot, yeah… It explains my moods, my temper, my, ahem… bedroom dedication, we’ll say. The shrink cracked me up when he asked about the ‘frequency’ of my bedroom activities. I answered honestly, and this short, stern Polish man peered over the top of his spectacles at me, perked an eyebrow, and said, ‘And you still are dumped?’.”

[Pause!]

[He laughs harder this time]

“I know, right? Hehe… I like him, too… Probably gonna keep seeing him. And taking these meds… They’ve helped, even if I feel like a zombie sometimes.”

[Pause <3]

“You’re proud of me? Yeah?”

[Pause <3]

“...Thanks.”

[He pauses before he asks:]

“...How have you been these last few weeks?”

[...Pause]

[You hear him take another breath but, this time, it shakes with sadness instead of anger]

“...Well… I’m glad you’ve found yourself happier without me… Truth is, I don’t think I’ve felt this kind of miserable in years. And, yes, I know… I should have thought about that before I did what I did.”

[SFX: The bouquet rustling]

[...Pause]

“...Do you remember when Dad was in hospice…?”

[...]

[You rest your back to the door. He’s still doing the same]

“Mmhm… For however angry I am now, it was so bad then… You were the only one that understood me, that understood that I hated the man but wanted to let him go to his grave with some semblance of dignity… After all, it’d hardly be becoming of a Fortune 500 CEO to punch his dying father in the face and yell, ‘Took fifteen years but got you back!’.”

[Pause…]

[He gives a weak chuckle]

“It would have made for a funny headline admittedly, yes…”

[...]

“...I’m sorry that I blew up at you, sweetheart… I didn’t realize that it’d… it’d be that bad… That I’d scare you…”

[...Pause.]

“...I… I know, in the past, you suffered abuse… Did I make you think of that…?”

[...]

“...Christ, I’m sorry… Sweetheart, you know I’d never…”

[...]

[He gives a sad laugh]

“...I am sorry. It kills me that our relationship had been so good until I fucked up. I don’t really know how to convey how every day felt with you… I don’t say that to manipulate or gaslight, I just… I fucked up. I understand that, and I’d do anything I could to make it right by you. If that anything means getting out of your life permanently, then I understand…”

[Pause?]

“What would I do if you let me in right now? Probably something stupid.”

[Pause??]

“Like what? Babe, you know what. The second I saw you, I’d kiss you, and I wouldn’t stop. Your new couch would see some things it is probably not ready to see on its first night on the job. You know that, though! You know what I do any and every time you open the door and I see you… Those lips, those eyes, that snarky little smile, how you waggle your eyebrows at me to get me to laugh at the worst possible moments, your body, how your hair falls over your shoulders…”

[Pause]

“Yes, I am saying that I would kiss you like a maniac if you opened the door, right now, unless or until you asked me to stop.”

[...]

“...Of course, I still love you…”

[Pause…]

[SFX: The door opening/rain pouring louder]

[To be continued]

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