*** = listener speaking

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Gender(s) can be changed if wanted!

~~~

Who dares to enter my territory without my permission?

Are you perhaps another foolhardy adventurer thinking they can steal my treasure?

Because if you are… I hope you’re prepared to be roasted alive and eaten for dinner.

My people have gone a long time without tasting human flesh – I’m sure you’d be ripped apart in seconds.

Consider this your only warning. Leave, and never return.

***

…What do you mean you can’t? I heard you tear a hole in one of my cavern walls. Surely you can exit the same way.

These tricks of yours won’t buy you enough time to think of a plan, human. Enough of this. Leave.

***

An accident?

…If you really did enter here on accident, point out the place you entered from.

[listener points to it and speaker erupts into surprised laughter]

From the ceiling!? Hah, if I didn’t see the hole, I’d say you were bluffing!

A fall from that height onto rocks… tell me, how are you alive? Are you sure you’re human?

Let me have a look over you just to check.

[speaker picks up listener]

Hmm, you’re definitely human… I see no natural magic emanating from you. Yet you’ve managed to avoid serious injuries.

Well, well, well… What a surprise. It seems fate heard my call for a human feast and delivered you to me fresh~

[speaker chuckles at the listener’s panic]

Oh, human, weren’t you listening? My people haven’t tasted human flesh in years, not since the last idiotic human blinded by greed thought he could steal our hoards.

We made a right feast out of him. I’d offer to show you his bones, but some of my people were so starved of the taste that those were devoured too.

***

My dragon subjects. You didn’t think I was the only dragon here, did you?

***

You thought I was a half-dragon living alone? Is my human appearance that good?

Unfortunately for you, as Queen of the Dragons, I possess abilities the others don’t. Namely, changing my form to mingle amongst humans.

Once upon a time, I did use this ability to lure humans to this cavern so that we could enjoy the taste of your race… but I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of the blue-haired lady who caused the mass disappearances.

Rumours spread so fast in this land, don’t they?

Such a pity.

No matter now though… I have you here in my grasp.

How do you think I should prepare you? It would be a shame to roast you plain… perhaps I should find some spices and dress you up nicely with them to cook you over an open fire, or collect some plants to sauté you with…

***

[speaker bursts into laughter again]

You humans really know how to grovel and beg, don’t you?

Oh, it’s a sight I’ve missed.

I would say I’m sorry for lying, but I’m definitely not with this show you’re putting on. Cry a little more for me, why don’t you?

I won’t eat you, but I’ve always wondered what a cup of human tears would taste like when I quench my thirst.

***

You’re a little slow on the uptake, aren’t you?

No, I’m not hungry, so I won’t eat you. Right now, at least…

[speaker laughs]

That terrified face is so amusing! I wonder what it would take to keep you like that forever?

I’m only joking, human.

Don’t you humans make dark jokes like these all the time? Or is my knowledge on humans outdated?

***

They aren’t the kind of jokes you make with people you just met?

Human society must be so dull. I pity you; I truly do.

What boring company everyone must be.

***

Oh, no, I wasn’t lying about the rest of the dragons. A queen is nothing without her subjects, after all.

Perhaps I should show you to them? I’m sure they’re dying to see a human… or, well, you’re the one who would be dying, wouldn’t you?

***

Again, it’s a joke! Honestly, you’ll be needing to get used to this kind of humour since you’re going to be staying here, human. You’ll just get teased more and more.

***

Oh, no, that part wasn’t a joke. You won’t be leaving.

***

Ahaha, that terrified face of yours again. Say, you didn’t happen to bring a ‘camera’ with you, did you?

One of my advisors used to have one as part of her hoard, but it broke recently.

‘A picture’s worth a thousand laughs’! I need to capture this moment.

***

Why won’t I let you leave?

Because I want you to stay. And as you’re in my territory, where the words of the Queen are absolute, you must obey.

You’re looking like you’ve seen the end of the world, but think about it a little more, treasure.

You’re the Queen’s possession now. Even if others wanted to hurt you, they can’t since you’re mine.

You’ll live in the luxury of this cavern and have the privileges of the first picks of food.

And best of all, now that you’re part of it, you’ll be allowed to see the magnificence of my hoard!

What better life could a human wish for?

***

Why would I want you as part of my hoard?

…You really are a slow one, aren’t you? Haven’t you heard me praising your expression of fear?

As the blue-haired ‘witch’ – honestly, how did you humans mix up witches and dragons? – I saw the fear of many people’s last moments. And yet… just a second of your look puts them all to shame!

You should be proud of a talent like that. It’s allowed you to live.

Plus, it would be unwise to devour you. Unlike me, you don’t have any rumours attached to you – you could easily lure more humans here for my people to feast on.

You can also assess the worth of human items that my people and I have collected... reach areas of the cavern yet explored because of our size difference… help out with reproduction issues...

***

Hah, another expression I need a picture of!

Surely you know how dragons can only produce offspring once every hundred years, right? But even then, the egg may not survive.

But humans, for all their lack of other qualities, seem to be a lot more fertile… you’re like the intelligent version of rabbits.

I won’t force you to do anything though. I’ve already stated the many other uses you possess outside of the basic survival instincts.

Though, I do have to warn you – as much as I don’t want to do it, if you do try to run away, you may ware my graciousness thin. And when I get upset… I get hungry.

So, treasure, let’s get you to your new home in my hoard, shall we?