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Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

*-* = Silence

Ewenique Enactment

[cutlery tapping]

*-**-**-*

What are you doing?

*-*

No, I see that. That’s why I’m worried. You don’t… look right.

*-*

Well, you’re cooking, which isn’t unusual but… this is different. Wrong. Are you feeling okay?

*-*

Why are you talking like that?

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Like that! Like we’re strangers. Like you’re from a thousand years ago. Like you’re not you!

*-*

Are you drunk?

*-*

High?

*-*

Do you have a stomach parasite or something? What’s wrong?

*-*

Something is definitely wrong. You’re being so… I don’t know, weird! Just look at you! Your clothes, your fur, just the way your standing! I can barely recognize you.

*-*

What are you cooking?

*-*

And?

*-*

Am I in an alternate dimension right now? What are you talking about?

*-**-*

No, something’s up. Is there like… someone holding you at gunpoint? Is there a bomb strapped under all that… what is that supposed to be, a toga?

*-*

Did you join a cult when I wasn’t paying attention?

*-*

Yes. That would be crazy. Especially because you wouldn’t be caught dead blindly following someone, or reciting what you’re told, or staying in the herd. That’s like… thirty percent of your personality! The fact that you’re not a sheep! No offense to the sheep-kin that are more cult-prone of course, I mean it figuratively. You are a very strong, capable person.

*-*

So then what are you on about? We’re roommates, not married! Sometimes we cook something, and we share. Maybe, if one of us had a stressful day, we’d do the other a favor and handle dinner. But this? You, in an apron for some reason, plating a steak that looks raw, all while setting aside a salad for yourself? It’s weird!

*-*

Because you don’t eat salads! At least, not just a salad! And it’s not like I eat slabs of flesh. You’re only half sheep, and I’m not all wolf. We’re omnivores! If you wanted to cook for both of us, I’d think you’d give us both some of each!

*-*

Are you trying to tell me something?

*-*

Alright, put the cutlery down. You are clearly under duress, and we are getting to the bottom of it.

*-*

I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re gonna talk. If I have to drag you to the couch, drown you in blankets, ice cream, and friendly love, and then torture an answer out of you, then so be it!

*-*

What on Gaia’s green Earth, did you just say to me?

*-*

Fine. I don’t know what you think you’re achieving by defaulting to, “Make me”, but I will. I don’t care how strong you are, or how much a headbutt from you might hurt. You are very clearly unwell, and it’s my responsibility as your friend, to help you.

*-*

Don’t struggle! This is for your own- good?

*-*

Did you just… go limp?

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No, I don’t have you pinned. I’m barely even touching you!

*-*

Screw it. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but it’ll make hauling you to the couch easier.

*-**-*

Now, because I can’t get a read on you right now, I just have to ask. When I throw you on this couch, am I gonna be able to trust you to keep your fuzzy little tail seated?

*-*

(sigh)

Of course you’d say that.

[couch compresses]

There. You're pinned. Although, we both know you’re not pinned, and you could totally buck me off if you tried. So why aren’t you? Why have you been acting so… so timid I guess? So reserved? Whatever you want to call it, it needs to stop. You’re honestly starting to scare me.

*-*

You’re just being so… stubborn right now! Which is so annoying, because that’s what I want from you! I want you to be your normal headstrong, tedious, aggravating, loveable self! Not this weird, “UwU, am baby” sheep cliche!

*-*

Wait. That’s it, isn’t it?

*-*

It is! You just looked away!

*-*

Gaia lend me strength. You’ve been doing this for days, haven’t you? You’ve been clumsy, and indecisive, and super-extra not yourself since Monday! I thought you had a cold or something but no, you were doing it on purpose!

*-*

So then what’s this? Why did you crank it up to eleven, today? What changed?

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Hey. Look at me. Did I do something wrong? Because if I overstepped your boundaries, I need to know.

*-*

(frustrated groan)

Then what is it? Why are you doing this? Did I miss a trend? Is this just genuinely how you want to express yourself? Do I need to take you to a hospital because you have a brain-eating virus causing you to revert to your animal instincts? What is it?!

(panting)

*-*

What?

*-**-*

You wanted to get my attention? Really? You could have just asked!

*-*

If not like that, then like what?

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No. You do not get to clam up now. What are you talking about?

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Wow.

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Hey, ding-dong. I love you too. The real you, not this… vulnerable prey animal plus house spouse act.

*-*

Do you really mean to tell me, that you’ve been pretending to be the exact opposite of your normal self… in hopes of like… awakening the wolf in me… so I’d have no choice but to claim you like the Alpha I am?

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News flash ya’ oversized cotton ball! I like you the way you are! We have been roommates and close friends for years. If I hated everything about you, and wished you were nothing like yourself, I wouldn’t still be here!

*-*

Let’s just say it, right here, so you can get back to being your normal self. I like you. You like me. We’re dating now.

(kiss)

*-*

Does that clear things up?

*-*

(exasperated chuckle)

So was your plan to just pretend to be a different person for the rest of your life?

*-*

(sigh)

Sometimes, I wonder if there’s anything inside that head besides more wool.

*-*

Just… go actually make dinner. I love you, but the immense amount of obliviousness I just experienced has given me the need to mentally regroup.

*-**-*

When I come back, I expect that stupid toga thing to be off, by the way. And since I clearly need to spell everything out for you, I don’t want you to change into anything else. I think a little time spent naked will help you actually understand, that I love you exactly the way you are, and changing any aspect of yourself, would be actively detracting from your charm.

*-*

(deep exhale)

Okay. I’m going to lay down, you’re going to call me in for dinner, and I’ll have gotten all of this out of my system. I won’t be so mean, you won’t be so incredibly brain-dead, and we’ll both have a wonderful evening. Does that sound alright to you?

*-*

Great. Now, if you need me, I’ll be cursing the Gods for making the most confident, attractive, perfect sheep I’ve ever met, so incredibly bad at making the first move.