Summary: It’s another day of foiling your villainous significant other’s plans…until an unexpected turn of events brings the scheme to a screeching halt. The villain is worried sick (no pun intended) until you give them the joyful news: your little super-family will soon be getting a brand-new sidekick!

Part 1

AUTHOR’S NOTE: There are 2 possible endings to this script. One ending features the Villain and the Listener growing their family through a wanted pregnancy, and the other version features them growing their family by adopting a child. Feel free to choose whichever ending you prefer!

CW: morning sickness (which doesn’t always happen only in the morning, fun facts); fatigue; use of restraints, use of safe words, innuendo, kissing, hero/villain tropes galore, pineapple on pizza

Usage:

• OK to record & monetize, as long as you give me credit in the video/audio description as the scriptwriter! I would also love to listen to the recording when it’s done–please send me the link on Reddit! Paywalling is okay; however, if you paywall, you must make it possible for me to listen to the finished product.
• Gender-flipping and small tweaks are okay (e.g., changing pronouns, leaving out curse words), but no large edits are permitted.
• Feel free to use music or insert sound effects if you’d like. Any sound effects given are suggestions–use at your discretion. *Sound effects in bold, set apart by asterisks\*
• Any dialogue or reactions given by the Listener are purely for the benefit of the VA, to help them feel like they have something to respond to while they’re acting. Listener reactions in italics.
• Please let me know if you have any questions!

—————————————————————

SETTING: The villain’s lair. The hero is cuffed to a chair, after having been abducted by their villain/partner (not an uncommon occurrence).

\evil laugh** Well, well. Hello there, hero. Fancy meeting you here! How kind of you to join me …not that you really had a choice, but let’s not dwell on the details.

[...]

\chuckle** Oh, yes, hero. I know who you are. You can deny it all you want, but I could never mistake those striking eyes. I must say, I quite like this outfit, my dear. Not that I don’t appreciate your usual supersuit…but there’s something so intimate about seeing you in your civilian clothing, here in my lair. It makes you look all the more helpless. Ah, yes…I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this particular sight: the brave little hero, at my mercy once again.

[...]

Oh, dear—is that all you’ve got, darling? How disappointing. I confess, I’ve rather come to enjoy your razor-sharp comebacks. What’s the matter? Feeling a little tired, perhaps? That’s entirely understandable—I know I wore you out yesterday.

[...]

Oh, you mean our little showdown on the roof of city hall? I guess that’s true. (lowers voice; suggestive) Personally, I was thinking of our activities later that night, once we got home…but either way.

[...]

(drops their “villain voice” for a moment, using their code word to pause the scene) Hang on—cinnamon. You okay, babe? You seem really out of it.

[...]

Yeah, I don’t blame you. Aside from our…other activities, Abby’s bedtime blues have been keeping us both up pretty late. What about your stomach? Is it any better than this morning?

[...]

Okay. Are you sure you’re up for this right now? If you want, we can always wait till—

[...]

Well, okay, if you’re sure. Sorry to bother you on your day off, by the way. When I realized my latest scheme was ready to roll, I just couldn’t wait to show you. I really do think it’s one of my best yet.

[...]

\chuckle** Aww, thanks, babe. Remember, if it gets to be too much, just use the code word. It doesn’t matter where we are, or what we’re doing—even if we’re on live TV with the whole city watching, I’ll always find a way to end things quick, with the people being none the wiser.

[...]

Of course. You being safe is always the most important thing. \Sound effect–kiss\** Okay. You ready?

The Listener nods. The villain assumes their “villain voice” once again, getting back into character.

Forgive me, my dear…where were we? Ah, yes…we were just talking about how I’d finally managed to discover your secret identity. That’s right—at last, after months of careful research, I’ve finally figured out who you really are. At last, I have the chance to strike you where you’re most vulnerable: at the person beneath the mask. And, by the end of the day, that’s all you shall be…a simple, ordinary person.

Do you remember my Memory Modifier, hero? Personally, I’ll never forget the time when I made the mayor forget his own name, right in the middle of his speech. Good times! But, in any case, I’ve made some slight modifications. You see…it no longer affects only regular people. Now, it can affect super-humans. Namely, you.

[...]

That’s right, darling. One zap from my new-and-improved Memory Modifier, and you’ll forget all about the whole “hero” thing. Everything related to that part of you—your powers, your past heroic deeds, even your hero name—all of that will be gone. You’ll be reduced to just an ordinary citizen…a charming, talented, kindhearted citizen, but a citizen nonetheless. And then, with you out of the picture, there will be no one to stop me!...

VERSION 1: PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT

Suddenly, the villain notices that their beloved’s face is pale, their expression clearly indicating that something is very wrong. They break character once again.

(worried) Babe, what’s wrong? You’re white as a sheet! Are you oka—!?

“Cinnamon,” their partner chokes out. “Cinnamon! Please, get me out of here!”

Oh, shoot. Okay; hang on; I’ve got you.

\Sound effect—frantic rattling, as the Villain releases the Listener from their cuffs\**

What’s wrong!? What do you need?

“Bathroom,” the Listener chokes out, before they run from the room.

Bathroom? This way—down the hall; first door on the right!

\Sound effect—running feet; slamming door\**

—Timeskip—

Eventually, the Listener comes back in. They’re pale and a little shaky, but otherwise okay. The Villain rushes to their side as soon as they come back in.

\Sound effect—door opening\**

Hey. Are you okay? Is it your stomach, still?

The Listener nods, explaining that they still feel a little queasy, but they’ll be fine.

Oh, shoot! I’m so sorry—that sucks. Here—let’s get you home. Not to worry—the Memory Modifier will still be here once you’re better. Damn...I thought we were in the clear as far as that stomach bug goes, but I guess the germs stuck around longer than we thought. You want me to help you make a doctor’s appointment?

[...]

No? Are you sure? I know most stomach bugs are viral, but maybe they could at least give you something for the nausea?

[...]

What do you mean, it’s not a stomach bug? How can you be sure?

[...]

Your backpack? Oh, it’s over there, by the door. Why?

The Listener walks over, opening their backpack, and taking out a wrapped package. \Optional sound effects—footsteps, unzipping the backpack**

(laughing) What? What’s this? A present?

[...]

Well, okay. \Sound effect—ripping paper\** A shirt? (reads) “Every villain needs a sidekick…” (realizes; stops dead) Wait—no. No way! (getting progressively more elated/excited) Oh, my gosh—are—are you serious!? No WAY! You, you mean—you mean you’re—!?

The Listener nods, a huge smile breaking out across their face.

Oh, my GOSH! Really!? (nearly crying with joy) Oh, my gosh!!! I can’t believe it!

[...]

Of course you can have a hug! Come here!

\Sound effect—the Villain hugs and kisses the Listener\**

I can’t believe it! Does Abby know!? Have you told her yet?

[...]

Oh, right; of course. Oh man, she’ll be so excited to hear she’s gonna be a big sister! I bet Mom will hear her screams of joy from all the way across the city.

[...]

You got her a shirt, too!? Oh, my gosh—how are you so freaking adorable, babe?

[...]

You were gonna show me tonight, once we got home? \laughs** I guess I’m not the only one who couldn’t wait! Sorry I messed up your grand reveal...funny; for once, I got to foil your plans.

[...]

Thanks. You’re right—I probably would’ve been worrying about you all day, if I hadn’t known. That means a lot. (suddenly puts the pieces together regarding the Listener’s illness) Wait—of course! The nausea, and the tiredness, and—is this why you didn’t want any wine last night!? Oh my gosh…how did I miss it!? I’m such an idiot.

[...]

\chuckle** Well, I’m glad you love me for it.

[...]

Of course I’m happy, babe. I’ve never been happier in my life. When are you due?

[...]

Whoa, really!? Damn, we’ve gotta start making a plan! We can’t have you trying to foil me while you’re pregnant. No, no; don’t even start! We’ll figure something out. If all else fails, I can always make a big show of pretending like I’m going on vacation or something. Even villains have got to forget their troubles now and then.

[...]

Wait, what?

[...]

The Memory Modifier? (realizes) Babe, you’re a genius! It’s perfect! We stage a fight; you pretend to zap me with it; I allegedly “forget” my villain persona for awhile, and boom—six months or so with no villainous schemes. You won’t have to foil my plans, and we can both take a break.

[...]

Of course. It’ll be nice to have some time to cook up some more schemes. (slipping back into their “villain voice”) Then, once the baby is born, I’ll return with a vengeance. \evil laugh**

[...]

Oh, thank you! I’ve been practicing. Now, the real question is: how do you want to celebrate?

[...]

Pizza? \laughs** Sure, why not? Just no pineapple, all right? Please, for the love of both of our stomachs.

[...]

Okay, okay. If you’re really craving it, then I guess I can’t refuse. (playful) Figures…even when we don’t manage to get to the fighting part, somehow, you still win. I wonder if our new little one will like pineapple on their pizza one day…well, if they do, we’ll know they’re even more villainous than me.

[...]

\chuckle** I love you, too. \Sound effect—kissing\** All three of you.

​

VERSION 2: ADOPTION ANNOUNCEMENT

Suddenly, the hero’s phone rings. The villain stops, breaking character once again.

Again!? Wait—no way. Is that the agency!?

“Cinnamon,” says their partner. “Cinnamon! Please, get me out of here!”

(realizing what the call may mean) Yeah; yeah; of course; cinnamon! Hang on; I’ll get you out of there!

\Sound effect—frantic rattling, as the Villain releases the Listener from their cuffs\**

Grrrrr—come on! Okay; there.

\Running feet, then a soft beep, as the Listener answers the call\**

\Pause\**

\Another soft beep, as the Listener ends the call\**

Was that Deborah!? What’d she say!?

[...]

Okay, so, she met with the team, and…? And, what!? Did she say anything else!?

With a huge smile, the Listener reveals that they’ve been matched with the child they were hoping to adopt.

(getting progressively more elated/excited) What!? No way! They matched us!? Oh, my gosh—are you serious!? You mean—we get to adopt Sophie!?

The Listener nods, a huge smile breaking out across their face.

Oh, my gosh! (nearly crying with joy) Oh, my GOSH! I can’t believe it! We really get to bring her home!

[...]

Of course you can have a hug! Come here!

\Sound effect—the Villain hugs and kisses the Listener\**

Wait till we tell Abby that she finally gets to be a big sister! I bet Mom will hear her screams of joy from all the way across the city.

[...]

Your backpack? Oh, it’s over there, by the door. Why?

The Listener walks over, opening their backpack, and taking out a wrapped package, which they hand to the Villain. \Optional sound effects—footsteps, unzipping the backpack\**

(laughing) What? What’s this? A present?

[...]

Well, okay. \Sound effect—ripping paper\** A shirt? (reads) “Every villain needs a sidekick…”

Oh, my gosh—how are you so freaking adorable, babe? You’ve been waiting to give me this for a while, huh?

[...]

Of course I’m happy, babe. I’m more than happy. I’ve been hoping for this ever since we first heard about her. So, what happens now? When can we meet her!?

[...]

Okay. That sounds great! So, between them getting us some more information, and then getting the whole introduction process going, how long do they think it’s gonna be?

[...]

Whoa, really!? Damn, we’ve gotta start making a plan—we can’t be running around doing the whole hero-and-villain thing while Sophie’s trying to settle in. We need to try and make things as stable as possible for her, especially at the beginning. Don’t worry, though—we’ll figure something out. If all else fails, I can always make a big show of pretending like I’m going on vacation or something. Even villains have got to forget their troubles now and then.

[...]

Wait, what?

[...]

The Memory Modifier? (realizes) Babe, you’re a genius! It’s perfect! We stage a fight; you pretend to zap me with it; I allegedly “forget” my villain persona for awhile, and boom—six months or so with no villainous schemes. You won’t have to foil my plans, and we can both take a break.

[...]

Of course. It’ll be nice to have some time to cook up some more schemes. (slipping back into their “villain voice”) Then, once Sophie gets settled, I’ll return with a vengeance. \evil laugh**

[...]

Oh, thank you! I’ve been practicing. Now, the real question is: how do you want to celebrate?

[...]

Pizza? \laughs** Sure, why not? Just no pineapple, all right? Please, for the love of both of our stomachs.

[...]

Okay, okay. If you and Abby both want it, then I guess I can’t refuse. (playful) Figures…even when we don’t manage to get to the fighting part, somehow, you still win. I wonder if Sophie will like pineapple on her pizza…well, if she does, we’ll know she’s even more villainous than me.

[...]

\chuckle** I love you, too. \Sound effect—kissing\** All three of you.