Context: You were once a Barbarian that traveled the snowy mountains and fields. Now, you wander lost in a time outside of your own in a Nameless Town in the Old West. You fight to earn your keep but, otherwise, what is left for you? Perhaps a bratty Southern debutante busting in, desperate for your help to avoid bounty hunters?

Setting: A Nameless Town

Tags:[FM4F][Strangers to ?][[Bratty Vampire Debutante Speaker][Bounty Hunter Speaker][Stoic Barbarian Listener][Out of Time][Anachronistic][Old West]vs[Vikings][Saving the Rich Lady][Flirting][Combat]['Shoot-Out'][Striking a Deal][Spicy][Speaker Simping][Size Difference][CW: Mentions of Violence]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:

Monetization: All forms of monetization are OK with me! Youtube, Patreon, etc. I would appreciate being able to listen to the recording, if possible. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you!

Check out the rest of my scripts by using the Script Directory, if you'd like :3

[V] = Vanessa, a Southern debutante

[S] = Leader of the strike force of bounty hunters after Vanessa

[Scene opens in a Nameless Town - Saloon]

[SFX: A piano going / the grumbling of drunkards]

[You sit in the tavern of a Nameless Town, just like almost always. You have little else to do but drink and wait for trouble to find you. Maybe you’ll go out to work on that giant scorpion women problem later if it stays quiet-]

[SFX: The door bursting open and a woman beelining for you]

[V] “Sir! Oh, sir! Yes, you, with the incredibly strong arms!”

[...?]

[A beautiful woman hurries to your side and clasps your arm tightly, looking shaken]

[V] “Oh, please, sir! Please! I hate to bother you, but terrible bounty hunters are - oh my goodness, you’re a woman.”

[She gawps for a moment while you tug your arm free. That is your whiskey arm]

[Pause?]

[V] “I-I, uh… S-Sorry, I’ve just never seen a woman so… big and… strong… Ah! Yes! Terrible bounty hunters are chasing after me, and I require someone with your stature and assured skill to scare them off!”

[Pause.]

[She pouts and plants her hands firmly on her hips]

[V] “No??? I dare say no one has ever said no to me! Especially not a…”

[She eyes you up and down, confused]

[V] “...Pardon but… are you in Nordic armor?”

[...Pause.]

[V] “...Are you…”

[She lowers her voice, eyes darting about like literally everyone in the saloon isn’t eavesdropping now]

[V] “...out of time?”

[You turn to her and she jumps back, hands lifted for peace]

[Pause…?]

[V] “I’m not judging! One of the perks of being a debutante is excellent education, and people that fall, erm… out of time… has been a heated subject as of late. I’d looked forward to continuing to study it before some rogues sent bounty hunters after me! AFTER ME!!! Vanessa Cardegan Blanche?! Ugh, the AUDACITY!”

[Pause.]

[She gasps as though offended]

[V] “I do NOT talk too much! Perhaps you, Little Miss Stoic, just talk too little, hmm? Perhaps you should open up a little bit! Tell me your favorite color, if you knit or not, maybe if you fancy marigolds over posies?”

[Pause.]

[V] “No no no, wait, don’t tell me ‘good luck’, I legitimately need help! A-And I can pay whatever price you have! AND, and, I might be able to help you find your time again! Ah…? What do you say now?”

[SFX: Multiple sets of footsteps crowding around the saloon entrance]

[S] “Miss Blanche! We’ve got this here saloon surrounded, so come on out and there won’t be any bloodshed!”

[She tugs your arm insistently, throwing everything she has: puppy dog eyes, a pout, squeezing her cleavage up… You know, at this point, it’s just going to be easier just to help the annoying gnat]

[SFX: The bar stool squeaking and Barb rising]

[You stand and the fussy woman seems to finally realize how big you are]

[V] “O-Oh my, you are a tall drink of water.”

[SFX: Barb getting her axe]

[You shoot her a look and head for outside. The men chasing her quickly step aside so you can face who you assume is their boss]

[S] “Oh damn… A bonified Barbarian out in these parts? Respect to you, Miss, but we got no beef with you. Just here to pick up our bounty and move on.”

[Pause.]

[S] “...Alright, Barbarian. You’re in the wrong place and time, but you got the spirit of the Old West roaring in your veins. Don’t reckon I know how that’s going to save you from bullets, but I suppose we’ll find out, eh? Men, you keep an eye on the vampire!”

[...]

[You shoot her another look and the woman laughs nervously]

[V] “...Alright, so I might be a vampire… But! BUT! I did offer to pay you most generously to protect me, so please keep doing so, my large friend! Damn, you are a big woman, I, ah…”

[The bounty hunter shakes his head and beckons you outside]

[S] “C’mon out before she starts getting the damned vapors over you, Barbarian. Let’s get this over with…”

[SFX: Boots of varying time periods crunching over sand]

[Like every time, you turn right and meander down the narrow and only road in the nameless town]

[SFX: People gasping/gathering around to watch the duel]

[Time - Spacing for the countdown]

[S] “On ten… Ten… Nine…”

[Pause.]

[S, terse] “...Eight… Seven…”

[SFX: Fire beginning to crackle subtly]

[V, absolutely frothing] “I BELIEVE IN YOU, YOU GIANT OF A WOMAN, YOU! SEND THEM HOME TO THEIR MOTHERS!”

[S, sighing] “Someone shut her up, please! Six… Five…”

[SFX: The fire building]

[S] “Four… Three…”

[SFX: The sand hardening to crystal]

[S] “Two… One!”

[SFX: A single gunshot and shattering glass]

[He whips around and takes his shot. It hits you right between the eyes… Or would have, were it not for the cone of glass freshly molded around you]

[S] “Gotcha! I-... Oh. Oh, the axe can make flame…”

[V, joyously] “Hot enough to melt sand into glass in seconds! YES, DELIVER FIERY VENGEANCE! I WANT THEM ROASTED LIKE MEAT OVER AN OPEN FLAME!”

[Pause]

[You look at the bounty hunter and he looks back at you, hat in hand]

[S] “...Any chance we can leave here with our lives, ma’am? I know better than to bet a human-built six shot against some kind of mystic fire axe.”

[Smart man. You gesture for them to get treading]

[S, exhaling in relief] “Oh, thank God. C’mon, boys, we ain’t getting another chance.”

[SFX: Multiple sets of feet hurrying off and Barb stomping back over to Vanessa]

[V] “Oh, I think I might swoon! What raw power! What strength!”

[Pause.]

[Her smile fades and she mutters angrily under her breath]

[V] “Oh, fine… You won’t let me get away with anything, will you?”

[SFX: A bag of coin plopping down]

[Pause.]

[She services you with a pout in response]

[V] “Yes, well, as much as your monotone gruffness is charming, I really should be on my way before those mongrels come back to try their hand again. Lord knows they will! Anyway, toodeloo, ta, and all of that, love!”

[Pause.]

[You rest a hand gently on her head and she freezes]

[V] “...Poo. I was hoping you’d forget about the other part of our deal.”

[Pause?]

[She throws her hands up dramatically]

[V] “Well I don’t know where else you’d keep your brains but, no, I wasn’t thinking you were keeping them all in those… admittedly large muscles, goodness… Is it hot in here or-?”

[Pause.]

[You pick her up by the skull and carry her back into the saloon. The barkeep shoots you a look but just grunts in response. You grunt back]

[V] “Hey! You can’t just pick me up by my skull, I- Oh, you can, actually… And now we’re going upstairs in the saloon… N-Now, you see here, if you throw me on the bed, I will absolutely throw a hissy fit! I am a refined lady! I’m not going to just cast bedroom eyes at you!”

[SFX: The stairs squeaking and a door opening then closing]

[You drop her on your bed without ceremony and roll your eyes as she dramatically splays out]

[V] “Oh! Oh my! Oh, I have been tossed on the bed! Oh, do what you will, you Barbarian!”

[Pause.]

[SFX: A book dropping onto a vamp’s lap]

[You drop a book into her lap and she grumbles]

[V] “Hey! Or you can drop a dusty old tome in my lap… What’s this, then?”

[Pause.]

[She eyes it, flipping through it carefully]

[V] “The one thing you brought with you when you fell out of time… Mmhh, fine. A deal is a deal, after all…”

[Pause.]

[V] “Ooohohooh! You’ll crush me if I try and make off without keeping my deal? Is that a promise?”

[Pause.]

[She pouts]

[SFX: Pages being slowly flipped]

[V] “You’re no fun.”

[You know]

[SFX: Fade out on the piano returning from the beginning]

[To be continued]

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: Barb is 6’ 5”, for those curious.