*** = listener speaking

Can be monetised, just please link back to either this post or my YouTube!

Genders can be changed if needed/wanted!

~~~

[listener is in a forest; hears listener yelling]

Hey, hey, watch the ears!!

Why won’t you leave me alone!? I said I was sorry!

I didn’t realise that was your cave! I just wanted to sleep, okay!?

Someone, save me! AH!

[listener slashes the bunnies’ attackers just before speaker gets hurt]

H-Huh…?

Did they give up?

***

Huh? Oh, sorry, I had my eyes closed. …Who are you?

***

‘Is that any way to greet the person who saved you’?

What do you...?

[speaker notices the lack of attackers]

You… You defeated them? All of them?

…Sniff…

Thank you so much!! My saviour!!

[speakers hugs listener]

Thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!

I thought I was a goner! That I would never live again!

I owe you my life!

***

…Huh?

***

I mean, yes, I did say that… b-but…

N-No, I am a bunny of my word!

…But…

***

C’moooooon, don’t you know ‘I owe you my life’ is just an expression!?

Besides, I’m not some kind of sorcerer! How can I give you my life!?

***

…Cooking?

***

Nooooooooo, no, no, no, no, no! I’m not tasty! Super not tasty!

I know I’m a bunny girl, but that doesn’t mean I taste like an actual bunny does!

Besides, why would you eat a bunny!? Bunnies are adorable!

And eating an adorable bunny girl like me would just make you feel worse later!

Let alone the tummy aches I’d cause! Seriously, I’ve just been running, I’m not in the condition of meat prime!!

***

…You don’t want to eat me?

W-Well, why didn’t you lead with that!? You made me call myself sweaty!

***

Of course I’m not! Powerful bunny girls like myself wouldn’t get sweaty over a small jog!

***

Yes, that was a small jog! My screaming means nothing in this scenario!

***

W-Wait, no, that doesn’t mean I’m in my meat prime…

***

I-I… look, I’m still too adorable to eat, okay!?

Look at this face! Do you really want to eat someone with such cute features? And oh-so-fluffy ears?

I-If you don’t eat me, I’ll let you touch them! And my tail!

***

…You really don’t want to eat me?

Then don’t make me feel like you are!!

Jeez, what kind of human plays a cruel prank like this…

Well, why do you want me for cooking then?

***

‘To cook for you’? …Oooooh.

***

Yes, I suppose my title as a legendary chef should have made me realise that sooner – don’t give me that look, c’mon!

***

What do you mean, I don’t act like my title? My title exists because of my skills, not because of my personality, excuse you!

And my personality is perfectly fine! It’s not my fault you can’t handle me.

Hmph, I have half a mind to send you packing, even if you did save me!

***

[speaker sighs]

Alright, alright, don’t look so downhearted! I’ll cook for you. A special treat for my saviour!

***

Hehe, that attitude is more like it! That happy awe is what I deserve!

So? What dish would you like me to cook for you? What food shall be the reward for my saviour?

***

…I… don’t think I’ve heard of that dish before… what’s it like?

***

What’s that attitude for!?

***

Just because I’m a legendary chef doesn’t mean I know every dish in the world! I just make things taste good!

If you tell me the taste and texture I’ll… probably… get it right!

***

Do you want me to cook for you or not!?

***

That’s what I thought! So shush! …And lead me to your camp!

[speaker and listener walk to the camp; can have speaker making scared noises when they hear animals if wanted]

Oh, this is a quaint little set up! Reminds me of my food tour days.

***

[speaker sighs]

Yes, back then before me and the other cooking legends were around, people didn’t care about the food tours!

Now they’re all ‘ooo, please come serve us your fine cuisine, we want your titles not our tastebuds satisfied, ooooo’.

***

Yes, I’m salty. And so was all the food I served those pretentious idiots.

Now, tell me what the food you want is like so I can reward you already! I hate to keep a good client waiting.

***

Hmm… okay. Just wait a little while and I’ll get it ready in a jiffy!

[listener pulls out items from their bag, Mary Poppins style]

***

How did I fit all this food and equipment in here? Hehe, lady’s secret~

Now sit back and relax and prepare your tastebuds!

[cooking noises]

Done! Have a taste and tell me what you think.

[eating noises]

***

Told you all I needed was taste and texture! The presentation might be a bit off, but it’s the same food your stomach is dying for. …Not literally. …Hopefully. You’re the one who knows how to fight, after all.

Speaking of which… do you know how to do anything but fight? Your camp is a mess!

[speaker gets up and starts cleaning]

Here, here, and here… are you allergic to cleanliness or something?

***

If I sound like your mother, I feel bad for her and whatever mess you left at home!

Look, just a few adjustments and it already looks better, don’t you think?

***

If wanting a clean place to stay means I act like a maid, then keep calling me a maid! This bunny girl isn’t that easily insulted, I’m afraid.

***

Yes, to stay! I have a proposition for you. An even better reward than the meal in your lap!

***

As you can tell… I have no idea how to defend myself. And clearly, you have no idea how to take care of yourself – can’t clean, and I can tell by your pot you only cook basic things.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone around who can take care of the place? I’d certainly like someone around to save me when big beasts are after my tail!

***

Yes, a ‘you scratch my back, I scratch yours’ situation. Doesn’t that sound lovely? I love the sound of it!

So? I can see you drooling at the idea already~

***

My ears and tail…?

***

O-Oh, yeah, I did say you could touch them if you didn’t eat me…

Hmm… okay, yes, fine! They can be part of the deal too!

So I’ll take that as you wanting to take me up on my reward offer?

***

Yessss! Here’s to a happy life of food and protection from here on out!