Context: Your ex invited you to a Christmas party at his place after almost a year apart. Your break-up was a sad one, but amiable enough, so you decide to go. Who knows, it might be nice to see how he's doing, right?

Setting: The Speaker's Home

Tags:[M4A][Exes to ?][Drunk Ex-Boyfriend Speaker][Amicable Listener][Angst][Sad][Regrets][Confession][Cuddles][Reverse Comfort][Open-Ended][Desired Reconciliation][Drunk][Hair-Petting][CW: Break-Up Angst]

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[Scene opens in your ex’s home]

[SFX: Christmas music/people chatting followed by a door opening and closing]

[Pause]

[You slip away from the crowd in the living room to a room you used to know pretty well. Only a moment or two after you sit on the old worn couch, the door opens again and a familiar face greets you]

[SFX: The door opening and closing]

[Your ex smiles at you, big arms spread in greeting]

“Heyyyy, you made it! And snuck away from the festivities to crash on the reading room couch, just as I expected. Which means I am clear to flop down with you and rest my head in your lap!”

[Pause!]

[SFX: A Himbo jumping onto a couch]

[He flops down, resting his head in your lap, just like he used to, and smiles drunkenly up at you]

“Heeeyy. You look like someone who used to love me~”.

[...]

“What do I think I’m doing? Oh, you know, lying my head in my ex’s lap because it seemed like a really good idea five seconds ago… So how you doing?”

[Pause]

[He gives you that infuriatingly boyish smile]

“I mean, to be fair, I’m only being this stubborn about getting up 'cause I think I’m too drunk too, now… Unless you want me to faceplant into your shoes, I guess. C’mon, talk to me, it’s been almost a year! I was really glad you decided to come to the Christmas party.”

[Pause?]

[He smiles again but you can see dark circles under his eyes]

“How have I been? Ah, you know… Just keeping up with work, trying to stay busy. Picked up another job to try and fix up this old place a little more.”

[He yawns, blinking a few times]

“Twenty-four hours in one day just isn’t enough, you know? Eight hours, then another ten, and then I have to do food at some point, otherwise this massive garbage disposal of a body throws a fit, and then sleep, and it’s just… ugh, you know?”

[Pause?]

[He processes your question for a moment before he facepalms]

“...Eating before getting sloshed would have been a good idea, yeah… Welp, Merry Christmas to me, huh?”

[Pause…]

[His smile turns a touch sad, even though he’s trying to hide it]

“Well… At least I got to see you. Got to rest my head in your lap, even if it was just for a little bit…”

[He shifts so he’s lying on his side and nuzzles his cheek into your leg]

[...Pause]

“Nooo, c’mon… Don’t say you need to go… Pretty please? I just want to pretend for a little longer…”

[...Pause.]

[He smiles, a few tears slipping free]

“Thank you, sweetheart. Always so sweet to me, even when I was being a colossal, clueless asshole…”

[Long Pause]

[SFX: The fireplace crackling to fill in the silence]

[You let him rest on you, occasionally stroking his hair. You shut your eyes and try to relax… until you realize he’s crying silently]

[SFX: The Speaker quietly crying]

“...Are you awake…?”

[...]

[You stay silent]

“...Good. You deserve the rest… God knows I never made it easy for you… Falling apart every fucking day, and there you were, swooping in to save me. To hold me, just like this… You always made it look so easy… but I understand why, now.”

[Pause]

“I realized it… when my parents came over to try and cheer me up. I realized that I had one Dad who was picking up, cooking, and doing all the support work and another who took me out to a bar to commiserate without even thinking of the other… One Dad was suffering so silently that the other didn’t even notice… That I didn’t even notice… and when I realized, I went home, grabbed Steve in a hug, and thanked him for every single thing he did for me.”

[He lets out a shaky sigh]

[...]

“...That’s all you wanted… Isn’t it, baby? Just to be appreciated for how much you do. For some positive attention. A thank you… and I failed you as a boyfriend.”

[...]

[He keens for a moment or two before he shakily sits up]

[SFX: The couch moving with his momentum]

“...I wish I’d known… how beautiful the view would be when you still loved me… The sunrises were more vibrant, each activity, no matter how boring, felt as exciting as the first time we kissed at that silly little tabletop game cafe, and how bright the future still felt. I never could get the words out. I could never tell you how I felt… But you deserve to have someone that’ll recognize that view.”

[Pause…]

[He rests his head against your shoulder, tears spilling down into your shirt]

“...I wish there was anything I could do… just to be yours again. For you to be mine… Just sitting up feels so hard. Resting my face on your shoulder while you’re asleep feels pathetic, but I’ve just missed you so much… I thought it’d hurt less after a year, but it’s all just pain and numbness…”

[...]

“I’d love you right this time if you just… If there was a chance… I’d love you, every day, like you deserved to be loved. Actor or not, theater nerd or not, I would happily share that stage with you just so everyone could see how amazing my partner is. How amazing you are, because Christ knows you deserve it…”

[He lets out a slightly bitter laugh]

[...]

“...You know, I started keeping a journal, just like you recommended. It’s full of some of the cringiest poetry that has ever been written. Lists of things I want to learn, just in case you knocked on that old door one day and said, ‘Hey, you! I love you again!’.”

[His voice catches and he cries once more]

[...]

“...I’d give anything just to hear that… Just to hear you tell me you love me again, even if it’s a lie, even if it’s pretend… I’m spiraling, baby… Spiraling so hard without you, and that’s why I can’t say this to your face… If I do, you’ll think I just want you to save me again. But I don’t… I deserve to drown at this point.”

[...]

“You seem happier now… I’m glad. Seeing that little glint of sass in your eyes the moment you saw me made my heart skip a beat.”

[He smiles sadly before he shifts again, lying his head back in your lap]

“...I’m just gonna lie back down in your lap, OK?”

[SFX: The couch shifting]

[He sighs one more time and rests against you]

“...I hope you don’t mind if I pretend, one last time… Just one last time…”

[...]

[You rest your hand back on his head gently and he lets out a quiet gasp]

“O-Oh, your hand on my head… Oh, that’s nice… I’m gonna pass out now, I am very dunk.”

[SFX: The couch shifting again]

[He nuzzles close with one final drunken murmur:]

“I love you… Night night…”

[With that, he’s out like a light, curled up around you like old times. What you do now, well… It remains to be seen]

[To be continued]