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So what happened here is that

[This character](https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/zs9c9z/f4farguing_with_the_chubby_bisexual_enchantress/)had a baby with [This character](https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/wteaww/f4ayour_evil_queen_is_kind_of_a_dork_tbh/) Thats canon, dont @ me.

​

Dialogue

Context

SFX

SFX that changes the audio

Listener is just a chill peasant living in some bizarre demented fantasy world. They got their house, their garden a decent job in the village. There's just one big trouble. The town is terrorized by an evil fairy. Well evil is a strong word, but she's trying really hard alright? Hey, its all part of life y'know? No need to take it personally. Too bad she really wants them to take it personally.

Knock

Knock

More furious knocking

Let me in Jackass! it's evil fairy o’clock! I’m here to curse you!

Door opens

Well hello there peasant. I trust all is well with you?

Oh is that so? Well don't expect it to last for long! For I have come to rain down upon you a thousand terrible curses! Each more deadly than the last!

How about we start small………

That bucket of cream you just separated? Magic sounds

Now it's sour!

Evil Laughter

Now suffer! Suffer as you are forced to feast upon sour cream! That is the fate reaped by those who catch my attention! For who in their right mind would partake of the cream that is sour?

Listener says it tastes good on tacos

What the heck is a taco?

Well um I curse bread to never rise in your house ever again! Never again will you taste the beautiful fluffiness of a well made bread roll!

Why are you laughing?

Oh gosh dang it I did give you a gluten allergy last time didn't I? Well uhhhh- No more of that!

Magic noises as she lifts the curse and sets a new one

Maniacal laughter

Now you won't be able to eat bread for a totally different reason, loser!

Now all your bread shall be hideous and flat!

They actually like flatbread

Flatbread is not a thing! Don't tell me it's a thing!

Frustrated screaming

Ok ok fine never mind all of that! Come outside.

Your lovely garden of wildflowers? I transformed it all into broccoli!

Evil Laughter

All your hard work for naught! Your beautiful flowers transformed into filthy disgusting vegetables! Weep! Weep for your flowers! Replaced now by a green miniature forest of sadness.

Ok that's not really weeping.

Don't shrug at me!

How can you like broccoli? It's all green and bitter and healthy!

No, I guess I’ve never tried it like that. Wait!

You’re just trying to trick me!

You can't really still be all sunny and cheerful.

Just a cheerful person eh?

I’ll show you!

Magic noises

Rain

Behold! Your own personal raincloud! Drear and gloom shall follow you whenever you leave your house for the rest of your days!

Oh, aren't Ironic curses just absolutely delicious?

Listener throws on a raincoat and goes to pick the broccoli

Where did you get that raincoat from?

Don't turn your back on me!

It’s not time to harvest the broccoli!

Pay attention to me gosh dang it!

ARGHGHGHGH Notice me!

Deep breath

Ok you know what? I don't need this!

You’ve angered me for the final time, peasant!

The final final time!

Oh yes, you’ve made me very very angry! And when I get angry Terrible things begin to happen.

One touch of my wand and you’re history!

BOOP!

Magic noises

Listener is now a frog

Evil laughter

I hope you like flies, peasant!

Because you will spend the rest of your life as a slimy warty frog!

Unless by some miracle you can get a fairy to kiss you!

Too bad you don't know one!

Well I mean you do know one….. You could probably even ask. She’d say no though

The frog just sits there. Seemingly unimpressed

I’m talking about me you turnip brained serf! You could ask me!

Well yes I would say no, but it couldn't hurt to beg.

She adopts a mocking voice

“Oh please please! Just kiss me with thy beautiful lips oh great princess of the fae. Remove me from my fate. Spare me”

See, say something like that.

“Oh please please kiss me!”

“Kiss me!”

Kiss me…

The mocking voice eventually turns into her asking the peasant to let her kiss them

Kiss me!

Just kiss me goddammit!

She chases the frog and falls face first in the mud

Frustrated groaning

Frog hops on their head.

Through the mud

Get off my head please.

I’m just going to lie here face down in the mud. This is my life now. I’m the face down in the mud girl. Just gonna stay here forever. Ego is completely destroyed. Thank you very much.

You realize you’ve completely humiliated me right? I have an image to uphold and you're here just mocking me. Nobody takes me seriously anymore. Or maybe they never did, I don't know.

Sigh

How are you so chill all the time?

She gets up and holds the frog in the palm of her hand

Here I gotta get up. Just sit in my palm for a second.

You're just a terrible nuisance you know? I just wanted you to notice me. Even if it's only for like a minute.

It's not easy. Terrorizing all you peasants. I gotta stick to a real strict schedule. I spend two hours every morning practicing my monologuing and evil laughter. Then I hit the road for a twelve hour shift spreading terror. Then I’m up until the wee hours of the morning brainstorming new curse ideas.

So when they just roll off your back like that it makes me kind of upset y’know? You could at least pretend to be mad.

Time and time again I’d come around and we’d do the same thing. I drove myself half to madness coming up with ways to curse you. Always certain that this time, this time I’d get it right.

It was attempt number 33 I think when I realized that I thought you were kinda cute. Then I started coming around more and more. By the time I realized I had a bit of a crush on you it was too late.

Look, listen. Can you just pretend to be mad this one time? For me? For the sake of my reputation? So I can just move on?

I mean I could leave you as a frog but let's be real, that would be admitting defeat.

Here.

Smooch

Magic noises

Sigh

Lets just call it a draw. I need a nap.

Seriously though how were you so relaxed whenever I came around?

Listener says they thought they were cute

Ok no really

Cute?

You moron, you’re not supposed to find me cute. Didn't anybody ever explain the role you’re supposed to play? Waiting for me to show up shouldn't give you butterflies in your stomach.

Damn I’m so bad at my job.

Laughter

Look at us. A couple of losers standing around in the mud. What do we do now? Our whole thing has run pretty far off the rails.

Well how about this? I go inside and wash up. And you make me one of those Taco things you've been talking about. Then maybe we like I dunno hold hands or something. However this sort of thing usually goes.

Sounds good?

I’m totally gonna track mud into your bathroom though. I’m still evil after all.

-30-