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I, SplashiestPig, the author of this script, personally endorse the pursuit of any typical action taken with this text. You can edit it. You can put it behind a paywall. You can monetize an audio made from it. You can even recall your history with it, and then reinterpret a prophecy in your favor! Dive In! Credit SplashiestPig, and if it could be managed, I'd love to get a link to your work.

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Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

* * = Silent Insert

{ } = Line Delivery

Cat Was Then, This Is Meow

{far away}

Yes, I understand the risk here.

*small pause*

I know they’re dangerous, but we can’t afford not to interrogate them! The Resistance needs to know what’s coming.

*small pause*

I know. I’ve heard the prophecy, same as you. But they are the Queen’s second-in-command, and they aren’t talking. They likely know mountains upon mountains of plans and schemes, and if the Resistance plans to survive, we need every advantage we can get.

*small pause*

My magic is our best shot. No matter what that prophecy says.

*small pause*

I’m going.

*small pause*

Without taking some risks, this Resistance would never have gotten anywhere. If this is my part to play then so be it.

*small pause*

I’ll be fine! Even if that prophecy is true, we’re surrounded by the best of the Resistance! There’s no way either of us could-

(door opens)

You… you aren’t in your shackles…

*listener agrees*

Stay back, foul creature! You may have bested your chains, but you will not push through me, nor escape the walls of our camp!

*listener yawns*

Wait, did you just, yawn at me?

*listener rolls*

Why aren’t you trying to escape?

*listener states*

Because you’re in a box? Is that… a vice of yours or something?

*listener muses*

Okay. I um… I suppose the twice-blessed shackles were quite a waste then. Uh… I…

*small pause*

(clear throat)

Evil-doer! You are at my mercy! Tell me everything you know about the Evil Queen’s plans, or I will be forced to take drastic action!

*listener questions*

I’m glad you asked! If you do not speak truthfully, I will be forced to… force you too. With magic. That um… wasn’t the most elegant way to put it but… it’s true! I will utilize the Ancient Art Of Utmost Affinity to strip you of your will and compel you to reveal everything!

*listener ignores*

Do not turn away from me! This is a serious threat!

*listener continues*

Fine! You asked for this! Hyah!

*listener questions*

I’m strategically gripping the evilness out of you!

*listener comments*

It is not just a hug! It is a hug infused with an ancient and powerful form of magic!

*listener speaks*

No! My magic power isn’t being cuddly! It’s filling the hearts of the wicked with repentant energy!

*listener asserts*

Call it what you want, villain! It will have a profound effect on you regardless! Are you ready to tell me about the Evil Queen’s plans?

*listener denies*

No? What do you mean, no?

*listener repeats*
That’s not possible! To resist my magic this long, you would have to be completely heartless! No one is truly this devoid of grace or compassion!

*listener ignores*

You… you’re still ignoring me! This can’t be happening! It’s not possible!

*listener sneers*

Fine! Whatever trickery you’ve concocted has clearly made you immune to all magical effects, so we will simply have to do this the old-fashioned way.

*small pause*

I am going to ask you a question, and you are going to answer if you know what’s good for you. Understand?

*listener goads*

Do not take this lightly villain. If you do not comply with my demands, then I will destroy that box that you seem so fond of.

*listener threatens*

Woah! Such language! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

*listener states*

Nevertheless, I will hold firm. If you do not answer my questions, I’ll throw that box into the river, where it will become soaked and entirely uncomfortable to sit in.

*listener repeats*

If you wish to avoid this fate then tell me, what is your name?

*listener speaks*

No! I will not have any obfuscation! Tell me what they call you!

*listener repeats*

How can you be without a name?

*listener states*

Wow, that’s… really edgy. Um… that really brought down the whole mood…

(clear throat)

Enough of your mental games! Nameless or not, you are the Evil Queen’s closest confidant, are you not?

*listener speaks*

Then surely you know of her plans! So confess villain, why have you been wreaking havoc across the nation?

*listener claims*

Because you wanted to? No! That is a lie!

*listener denies*

No one could be that evil! Not even the Queen herself! You cannot truly desire to see harm brought upon everyone in the Magical Isles!

*listener disagrees*

I won’t believe it! Surely, you must simply not know of what I speak!

*listener denies*

You mean to tell me you cast the spell to knock over every glass cup in the entire realm, simply because you felt like it?

*listener confirms*

And you would say that you kidnapped every milking cow across the lands, only to amuse yourself?

*listener agrees*

And the birds! You cannot mean to tell me that you so ruthlessly executed every songbird you got your hands on, for no reason other than personal pleasure.

*listener asserts*

You… you are a monster! A being without remorse! I do not understand how someone as truly evil as you can exist!

*listener speaks*

No. No, you listen here, villain!

[thump]

*listener complains*

I will not put you down! I have pinned you against the wall, away from your precious box, so that you will hear what I am saying! You have single-handedly done more harm to the Magical Isles than any other twisted soul in history! For this grave action, you will face our harshest punishment!

*listener denies*

Yes. You have earned yourself a month of time-out! With only six opportunities for parole!

*listener threatens*

I will not hear it! I will drag you to your corner myself! This interrogation is over! Someone as demented as you has nothing to tell the Resistance!

*listener fights*

{strained}

Stop struggling! This is what you deserve!

*listener continues*

You have brought this upon yourself! Now, accept-!

[cat yowls]

(pained cry)

You… you drew blood! I’ve… I’ve not been so grievously injured since…

*small pause*

Wait… the crimes… your behavior in this interrogation… and your oddly catlike magic! You can’t be…

*small pause*

Midnight? Is that you?

[cat hisses]

It is you! You always hated that name!

*listener denies*

I can’t believe this! I didn’t think the cat I raised so long ago could turn out so… evil! But I’ve no doubt this person stood before me must be my old friend.

*listener disagrees*

What happened to you? And when did you stop being… cat-sized?

*listener denies*

Answer me! I deserve to know!

*listener ignores*

You are… exactly as you used to be. So arrogant. So malicious! But just like then, you always had one fatal weakness.

*listener questions*

Even in the crankiest of moods, you’ve always been a sucker… for scritches!

*listener struggles*

Do not resist! I will bring you back to the side of light, old friend! I will give you head pats until not an ounce of evil remains in your body!

*listener denies*

You can deny it all you want, but I can already see your resolve weakening! Even if you were immune to my magic, there is no magic stronger than friendship!

*listener stops*

Aha! I’ve done it! A smile is on your face! And not one of those, I-just-did-a-bad-thing, smiles! True joy has been brought back into your life, and as such, you are cured of your wicked ways!

*listener denies*

No? Impossible! You are as tame as a kitten now. Watch as I-

[cat yowls]

Ah! You swiped at me!

*listener confirms*

You… are truly an enigma, old friend. But I hope this plea will not fall on deaf ears.

*small pause*

Once, we were not enemies. And I think that a time like that one can finally come again.

*listener denies*

No need to play this off, my friend. It is clear to me. The prophecy I heard so long ago, was no ill omen. It spoke of this very moment.

*small pause*

For years, I have been running from it, but I see it for what it truly means. The vile soul I’d reunite with is you, but I no longer need to fear my corruption! We have been fated to be allies, but now I see you will not drag me down to the side of evil, but rather, I will bring you up to the side of good. You will be a great champion for the Resistance against the Evil Queen!

*listener rejects*

If you agree to stop being evil, I promise I’ll give you scritches at least twice a day!

*listener accepts*

Just as I thought! Now, let us get you to the war room to debrief. We have reason to believe the Evil Queen plans to litter in the sacred forest next month, and we must be prepared!