Do you believe in reincarnation? I don't think I do, but the idea has always fascinated me. When the clock is ticking down far past eternity, how many single moments do you think really counted? Everything gets blown away by the sands of time. History is full of great men and women we will never remember, and in this script the listener is no different.

This is way too pretentious. I promise my next script will be stupid.

Immortal warlords agree, the best way to counter trench mutineers is to check out my KoFi! :https://ko-fi.com/manage/supportreceived?src=sidemenu

Like what you see? You can find more of my midnight blasphemies at my archive: https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/x9hb9v/script_archive/

SFX in bold

dialgoue in plain text

context in italics

context that changes the audio in bold italics

Just in general this one involves a lot of frustrated pausing. Like trying to explain why you're upset to somebody that just doesn't get it.

Knock

​

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but you wouldn't happen to be the leader of the Meridian city renters union would you?

I’m the one behind the holding company that owns all these rental properties here in the city and I was wondering if maybe we could talk about this rent strike you guys have going on? I want to negotiate, just you and me.

Nope, just you and me. At least to start. Just the two of us right now or I walk away, deal?

​

door

Thanks for letting me in. I love your place. Who’d have thought after all these years I’d find you again under one of my own roofs.

It’s funny how you always turn up.

Oh don't worry about it. Hey, is your cat supposed to be up there?

Smack!

THUD!

fade in delirious

Hey, are you alright there? You took a bit of a fall after I knocked you out.

Heh oldest trick in the book

Don't worry about the ropes, I’m not like a yandere or a serial killer or anything. And believe me I’ve killed you a hundred times and it never got me anywhere.

Oh yeah I’ve killed you lots and lots of times. All across the map, in every era of history.

No I’m NOT going to kill you this time. Are you even listening to me? Like I said it doesn't stick anyways.

Don't worry about it, It’ll be clear in a second here. You woke up too early, the elixir isn't ready.

It’s an elixir for remembering past lives. Now just sit still for a minute.

Yes you have past lives, everyone does more or less. Well, except for me.

I’m immortal so I don't really deal with that stuff.

Yeah sure I’m crazy whatever just keep it down alright, I’m too old for all that shouting.

Nobody’s gonna hear you anyways, we’re in an old farmhouse way out in the countryside. I’ve been giving it a nice little remodel.

I’m thinking about making it a wedding venue. What do you think?

Exasperated

I swear to Serket I. AM. NOT. GOING. TO. KILL. YOU. YOU. DUMB. BASTARD.

For the love of- couldn't you have stayed knocked out for like one more minute?

This isn't about the Strike. I couldn't care less about that right now. This is about me and you.

I’m immortal. I’ve lived for years without number. I bathed in the rivers of the east when dawns were young. I was lulled to sleep by the west wind in the days when heaven still touched the earth. I built cities that you children of the future have no idea even existed. I have lived a life unbound by the changing of seasons.

And throughout it all you’ve been there, my greatest- no my only enemy. The other side of a war bound by neither space nor time. A war without frontiers.

I don't care if you believe me. Like I said it will be clear in a second.

Y’know if you didn't want me to do this you should have left me in peace!

I was just trying to replenish my savings a little bit. I’m rich but I’ve got a longgggggggg life ahead of me, so I gotta make money somehow.

Ok sure I had a little extra even, I was thinking about maybe becoming a more public figure in this city.

Maybe even make a run for mayor, but nooooo. You had to rear your stupid ugly little head again.

Now even if I win this strike, I’ll still look like a bastard! Nobody would vote for me. You couldn't even let me have a little dignity?

I’ve given up ruling the world, was one little city too much to ask? One little city of ten thousand, tucked away in the forgotten corner of a forgotten nation.

Forget it, the elixir’s almost done.

MICROWAVE DING

There we go.

Drink this.

Drink it or I’ll make you drink it! I’m not playing around! I used up two centuries of mana on this thing so crazy or not, you better play along.

It's not even that gross! It's Cinnamon flavored. It’ll go down like a good cappuccino.

Now tip your head up

See? Not so hard right?

Now I hope you packed your bags kid, because we’re about to go on a trip.

Trippy sounds

It’s about six maybe seven thousand years ago. The place is a kingdom so old its name has been forgotten. This is the first time we met.

Look at me up there on that throne, all haughty and resplendent. I might look the same, but compared to now? I’m just a kid. So sure of myself.

God if we could interact with these memories I’d slap myself. I’m cringing.

That old lady there in the cloak? The one being forced onto the ground? That's you.

You were a priestess of Serket. The goddess that created me and sent me here. Instead of helping me conquer the earth like you were supposed to though you got bent out of shape about all the despotism, started preaching against all the pillaging and slavery. And now we’re here.

Might wanna close your eyes for this part.

Slice!

There goes your head.

I thought that was the end of it. And in a way it was, but you had followers. Not many at first, but there was a whole secret web of you guys I didn't learn about until later. Eventually I did, but it was too late, they ran to the hills. They went out among the hill tribes bringing medicine and technology that I had hoarded for myself. Cities sprang up almost overnight. Soon my empire had an enemy that could meet it head on. And you started that.

Blacksmith sounds

Hey, look another one. I didn't even meet this version of you in person. You were a humble backsmith in a far off region, honestly from what I understand you weren't even that good.

Hey no offense.

You were a tinkerer though. And unbeknownst to me, or anyone else really, even you. You were working on the most dangerous weapon in human history.

The empire killer, the god slayer, a firebomb that burned out of control and consumed the entire world.

the printing press.

Your design was trash, but it worked. It worked well enough to be copied. And it was a good enough concept that it was improved upon. Soon we had these damn things coming out of our ears. Suddenly every one of you jerks could read and write, and suddenly everybody's got an opinion. This is the killing blow right here, sure I kept spreading my empire for a few centuries, but it was all over right here. The fire that burned my empire to ashes, lit by a crappy smith in some jerkwater town.

I really really hate you. Have I made that clear yet?

You know- you know what pisses me off the most though? When I first learned of your existence I was certain it was all planned. Like how couldn't it be? A single action thousands of miles away led to me taking a loss a hundred years later. I thought maybe some rival god had set you upon me.

The other week my assistant was on a date so I was babysitting his kid. Cute lil fella. I took him down to the children's museum and they had this weird machine. You'd put one of those worthless copper coins in it and it would set off all these weird little reactions, like marbles rolling down tracks or dominos knocking eachother over and after like ten minutes it would eventually roll a gumball down at you. Stupid right?

You're like that.

I’ve had a lot of time to ruminate on this and I’ve realized something. You never planned anything! You were just too dumb and naïve to realize that one little action can’t save the world. You were just a monkey set loose in a space shuttle, pushing whatever buttons you wanted.

Air Raid Sirens

Look, look at this one! This is the one where I finally realized I was never going to win!

After all the chaos you caused with the printing press I decided if you can't beat them then join them. I reformed into a brand new empire! One based on science and technology! A technocratic military dictatorship. And I launched the greatest war this world had ever seen.

I expected it to be over in the summer. It lasted a hundred years. Entire generations lived and died in these trenches.

Most of your lives you weren't a soldier, but this one's an exception. Although you'd never have called yourself one. You were just a clerk at a store before we drew your draft number and stuck you in this trench. That feels like forever ago though, you’ve gone over three times already. Nobody lives that long out here.

You hear that siren? That means you’re going over again. Nobody even questions it. You grab the rifle, put on your helmet and get to the ladder.

And you freeze. Are you defiant? Tired? Afraid? Or just freaking out?

The commissar comes around, cocks his gun. Records show that he’s actually two years younger than you. His job is to shoot anybody that refuses to attack. I raised him and a hundred thousand others from birth to do exactly what he's doing here.

And look at that, he freezes too. I guess I didn't indoctrinate him enough.

Suddenly the offensive has stalled, there's chaos. The Colonel comes up from the bunker shouting. Somebody takes him out with a shovel. Full on trench mutiny

By the time the telegraph gets to me the entire army is refusing to advance. By the time I’ve got a response planned out it will spread to the navy and the skyforce. Then it's in the fields and the factories. Then I started hearing about peace talks and a provisional government. I tried to make a stand.

I grabbed my old sword and stood out in the square. I shouted a speech that I felt was sure to stir up everyone’s blood. But they were past that. They pelted me with whatever they had around and I had to escape that night under the cover of darkness.

I woke up a god and went to bed a refugee.

Looks like its leaving your system. You realize who you are now?

Have I said I hate you yet? I feel like I should drive that point home.

I was forged in heaven by the goddess Serket as her last gift to this world. She made me strong, wise, determined. She gave me magic and immortality. Filled my mind with knowledge of architecture and agriculture and metallurgy. Gave me a purpose. A mission. And you, you little twisted soul.

YOU RUINED MY DREAMS WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT!

That was just three lives out of thousands! All the same! Just ruining my life without even thinking.

I’m trapped forever on this rock! Damned and lost, cut off eternally from my mother and the only one I can talk to about this is you! You! Of all people.

Why do I have to watch the world pass me by? Do you know what it's like? To watch everything I build fall apart no matter how long I try? Serket was wrong to make me, nobody is meant to live this long.

I had someone I loved once. A warrior from a rival kingdom. I convinced them to turn on their master and took them as my consort. I loved that warrior in a way you can't even imagine. I renamed cities in their honor, gave them every treasure under the sun. I burned entire nations just to watch the sparks dance in their eyes.

When the warrior finally died of old age I wept for a year and a day. I built a temple that dwarfed most cities and ascended them to godhood. And now I can't even remember their face.

I went back to that place a while ago. It's sunk below a reservoir now. You can take one of those glass bottom boats and go see it. I went out there and saw the temple rotting beneath that cold clear water. I started sobbing. The other tourists thought I was crazy.

I wanted that warrior's memory to live forever, but it's all gone now. Like everything I built. Like everything I did.

Sigh (Rubbing hands on temples)

What am I even doing here man? I kidnapped you just to bitch about my life I guess. I must sound like a total bag of shit, whining about being an immortal demigod.

Here let me untie you.

You’re good to go. And don't worry about the strike. I’ll concede to all your demands or whatever. I just gotta sit down for a moment.

They slide down onto the kitchen floor and start sobbing softly

Deep breath. They’re still kinda messed up

Listener sits down with them

What are you doing down here? I told you you could go.

No wait, don't go. I don't know why but you feel good to be around.

Blows nose

Sweet Serket, I'm a mess right now.

I just- I don't know. I guess I just really really miss my mom.

laughing/crying

I really wanted to be mayor. I haven't been in charge of anything in a while. And like it's practically just a ceremonial position anyways. You really can't let me win can you?

I’ll tell you what. I’ll agree to whatever the renters want if you hang out with me once a week. Deal? I just really want to talk to somebody about this stuff.

Alright, I can live with that.

-30-