Summary: By day, you’re nemeses, the gallant hero and the diabolical villain. By night, you’re putting your little one to bed, before planning your third anniversary getaway. It’s definitely challenging to be a hero, a partner, AND a parent…but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

CW: use of restraints, seduction/innuendo, kissing, hero/villain tropes galore, pineapple on pizza

Usage:

• OK to record & monetize, as long as you give me credit in the video/audio description as the scriptwriter! I would also love to listen to the recording when it’s done–please send me the link on Reddit! Paywalling is okay; however, if you paywall, you must make it possible for me to listen to the finished product.
• Gender-flipping and small tweaks are okay (e.g., changing pronouns, leaving out curse words), but no large edits are permitted.
• Feel free to use music or insert sound effects if you’d like. Any sound effects given are suggestions–use at your discretion. *Sound effects in bold, set apart by asterisks\*
• Any dialogue or reactions given by the Listener are purely for the benefit of the VA, to help them feel like they have something to respond to while they’re acting. Listener reactions in italics.
• Please let me know if you have any questions!

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Setting: The villain’s lair. The hero is strapped into their latest invention, a power-siphoning machine, which is slowly draining the hero’s powers.

\evil laugh* …*Well, darling? What do you say? Are you ready to give up yet?

[...]

Of course not. You never did know when to surrender, did you? My poor, foolish hero. Still, that determination, that tenacity, that keeps you fighting even in the midst of a losing battle…one of the many things that makes you so charming. You have such beautiful eyes…even more so, when they’re alight with anger.

\Optional sound effect—rattling of metal cuffs\**

I’m afraid it’s hopeless, darling. Those cuffs are Criolium steel. You know what that means, don’t you? That’s right. No hope of escape; not even with your extraordinary powers. Though, in just a few short minutes, I doubt you’ll feel quite so powerful anymore.

\Rattling of cuffs\**

\chuckle** Yes; that’s right—keep struggling. I can see you getting weaker with each passing moment. You feel it, don’t you? Yes—your strength is failing, exhaustion seeping in, as my machine siphons your power away. How I love to see you so desperate, so helpless. Soon, the transfer will be complete…and then I’ll truly be unstoppab—!

\Sound effect—ringtone\**

—Wait. Is that your phone?

[...]

The school’s ringtone? Uh-oh. Hang on—where's that release switch?—

[...]

Aaargh! Want me to just—? Okay.

\Sound effect—soft beep\**

Hello?.......No; sorry, this is [Mr./Mrs./Ms./Mx.] [Last Name]. My [husband/wife/partner] is tied up with work at the moment. Is everything okay?

[...]

Oh, no.

[...]

101.4? Yikes.

[...]

No. She was a little sluggish at breakfast, but her temperature was fine when she left this morning. It definitely sounds like she’s coming down with something, though. We’ll come get her.

[...]

Oh, don’t worry—we can get her some medicine when we get home. Sorry; I keep forgetting to submit those medication forms.

[...]

Okay. Thank you. We’ll be there as soon as we can.

[...]

Great. Thanks.

[...]

You, too. Bye.

\Hangs up\**

[...]

Yeah; that was the nurse’s office. Sounds like Abby has the bug going around.

[...]

Huh? Oh, right! Sorry.

\Sound effects—machine powering down; click of the release switch; cuffs opening\**

The hero climbs out, and stumbles. The villain reaches out to steady them.

Whoa, careful, babe! You okay? Here—why don’t I go pick her up? You should go home and get some rest.

[...]

Yeah, of course. I did just drain a lot of your power, after all. Besides, you’ve got that award ceremony at city hall tomorrow—maybe it’d be better if we postpone the power-draining scheme till later in the week.

[...]

\chuckle** Well, you can certainly try. I doubt you’ll be able to defeat me this time, no matter how many plans you come up with. Still, I’ll look forward to seeing what you’ve got, even if your efforts are bound to fail in the end.

[...]

Come on. You know you love my monologues.

[...]

Oh, yeah; for sure. Tonight is definitely a pizza night. \quick kiss\** Alright—see you at home. Love you, too.

———Timeskip———

\Sound effects—door closing softly; footsteps\**

Alright; I got her to sleep.

[...]

I know, right? Never thought I’d see the day when bedtime took less than an hour.

[...]

\laughs** No, no, no; I swear! I haven’t touched the Sleep Ray since last year. Even if I’d thought of it, I wouldn’t have had the chance—she was out like a light before I’d even finished the story.

[...]

It’s gone down a little bit, thank god. Still over a hundred, though, so we’ll need to keep her home tomorrow. You want me to stay with her?

[...]

Sure; that works. Once you get back from the ceremony, we can switch off. I’ll be sad to miss it—I was planning to come in disguise, but, oh well. Life happens. It’s probably just as well, though—I almost forgot to take off my mask before I walked into the school earlier.

[...]

I know! I got halfway across the parking lot before I remembered, thank god.

[...]

No, I don’t think anyone saw, but maybe I should tune up the Memory Modifier, just in case. You think they’d believe me if I said I was just getting ready for Halloween?

[...]

Good point. Considering it’s February, probably not. (changes the subject) What about you, babe? How are you feeling? Any lingering effects from the siphoning?

[...]

None? (playful) Damn—guess I’ll have to try harder next time. Oh, before I forget—guess what? I was able to book that AirBnB for our anniversary!

[...]

Yup! The cute one in the mountains, with the fire pit out back. And, get this—it turns out it has a hot tub, too!

[...]

Well, yeah; it was booked solid, but I, uh—I may or may not have persuaded the owner to give us priority.

[...]

Oh, don’t worry, babe, they’re fine. Or, at least, they will be, once the effects of the Mind Scrambler wear off. I had it on the lowest setting, I promise. In any case, the place is ours! Mom said she’ll take Abby for the weekend, so it’s just you and me.

[...]

(slipping back into their “villain voice”) Of course. Anything for you, my darling. (close, seductive) Mmm…it’ll be nice to have some privacy. I’ve got a few other evil schemes I’ve been working on…ones that the public will never hear about.

[...]

\chuckle** Oh, I think you can guess, darling. Like I said…I enjoy seeing you helpless. And as much as you have to pretend otherwise, being a hero…I know you enjoy it, too. Yes…that’s right. I’m looking forward to finally claiming victory over you. At last, the stalwart hero will know the taste of defeat. Don’t worry—I promise there’ll be a wonderful consolation prize.

[...]

It depends. Is there something you had in mind? Go on, darling. Don’t be shy. Tell me…what would you like?

[...]

(delighted, mischievous) …My, my. Who’d have imagined our brave, upstanding hero would have such wicked thoughts? You know, sometimes, I think you ought to join me. With a mind as delightfully twisted as yours, you’d make a damn good villain.

[...]

\laugh** No; I know. I’m kidding. Kind of. Sometimes I do wish we could fight together, instead of against each other…but still, I’m lucky that I have the best nemesis in the whole world. \kiss\**

[...]

I love you, too. \kiss\** I’m gonna go get another piece of pizza. Want one?

[...]

Okay. One slice of Hawaiian, coming right up. See? Proof right there that you have the mind of a villain. Not even I can bring myself to stomach the evil that is pineapple on pizza.

The Listener snatches a pillow from the couch, throwing it at the villain. \Sound effect—muffled thump\**

(laughing; playful) —Oof! Hey! On second thought, maybe pizza can wait. Do you truly think your pathetic pillow projectiles will work against me? Think carefully, hero. After all, I still possess the power I stole from you earlier. Is this truly a battle you want to fight?

The Listener throws another pillow from the couch. \Muffled thump\**

Oof! \evil chuckle** Very well, then…I suppose I have your answer. You’d better brace yourself, darling. I won’t go easy on you.

[...]

Still harboring delusions of victory, I see. What a shame. (seductive) I hope for your sake that you’re right…for if I win, there will be consequences. Oh, yes…terrible consequences, indeed.

[...]

(seductive) I suppose we’ll just have to see, won’t we? Now…what are you waiting for, hero? Bring it on.