Google Docs ScriptBin

I, SplashiestPig, the author of this script, personally endorse the pursuit of any typical action taken with this text. You can edit it. You can put it behind a paywall. You can monetize an audio made from it. You can even demand that it grants your greatest, most twisted wishes! Dive In! Credit SplashiestPig, and if it could be managed, I'd love to get a link to your work.

​

​

Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

~ ~ = Emphasis

Wishful Linking

[large doors open]

(groan)

And what is it now?

Funny, I thought a royal order for some time alone meant something. Yet here you are advisor, disturbing me.

Then speak, what is so important that it couldn’t wait?

The lamp? Do not toy with me advisor, you can’t possibly mean that-

Yes. Yes! Let the boy enter at once!

Oh, my sweet, sweet little urchin, you did it!

You make your country proud today, thief. And just as promised, a royal pardon awaits you. All you must do is hand me the lamp.

Good boy.

Ah yes, your pardon. I’d be glad to issue it here and now. Please, kneel.

In my name, as Sultan, First General, and Supreme Vizir, I grant you, little urchin, the mercy, and freedom… of a quick death.

[magic sfx]

Leave me, advisor. I have more pressing matters to attend to than allowing a servant to clean up this mess.

[large doors close]

I can’t believe it. Years of search and you’re finally here. In my grasp.

Can you hear me from within the lamp, djinn? The texts have been so obscure about how exactly you keep when you aren’t granting wishes, but as least they’ve given me one certainty.

And that one little detail is why we are going to come to an accord. Because I know how wretched the inside of that lamp is. I know how much you crave the freedom stolen from you long ago. And I know exactly how conniving you can be to acquire it. So, we are going to be very careful with each other. If you so much as blink at my wishes wrong, I’ll seal you back in the lamp and leave you in a firepit until you decided to cooperate.

In a show of good faith, I’ll assume you agree. Now, I think it’s about time we met, no?

[rubbing against lamp]

[smoke hissing]

Welcome back to Al-Sadarh, Djinn. I hope your time away has been… tolerable.

Well then, let us begin and perhaps you will no longer have to worry about any of that.

I assure you this will be short. I have spent quite some time considering what to wish for, and how to phrase it to best bend your rules. Assuming you work with me, we’ll-

What do you mean?

I am speaking of your rules. The rules of the lamp. No killing anyone, no making people love you, no-

Really? You mean to tell me you have no such limitations?

Any three wishes?

And how do I know you aren’t lying to me?

Ah, so you heard my threats from inside the lamp. Very well then, I’ll take you at your word. And that does open up some interesting doors for me…

Why don’t we start small? I would like to see exactly how much you’ll bend my wishes.

Djinn, I wish that all of my enemies would drop dead whenever I so will it.

[magical snap]

Is that all?

I suppose I ~can~ find out, can’t I? Where is my scrying glass?

Thank you, I-

Wait, that didn’t consume a wish, did it? Asking where my glass was?

Good. I am glad to see you are much more agreeable than the stories made you out to be.

Now, let us see. The blockade should be a good example. The soldiers are my enemies no matter how you slice it. So all I should need to do is will their demise and…

Djinn, what have you done?

No, I will not have you sit in denial. You’ve done this on purpose, haven’t you?

My wish! I think it was very clear that the phrase dead, did not include undead reanimation!

Oh, I have your apologies, do I? Your apologies don’t slay armies! And now that they’re undead it’ll be even more of an issue! I’ll have to equip the regiments with silver and ordain a few hundred ministers and-!

(angry groan)

Do not laugh at my suffering, Djinn. The urchin boy knows what happens to people who so much as inconvenience me.

Silence. I do not ~wish~ to hear from you.

Oh, I should, should I? Spend a wish or simply allow you to speak?

And why would you want to speak now?

You want to help? Considering the zombie fleet, I’d say that is less than true!

You’re testing my patience, Djinn.

(scoff)

Very well. Speak. You have until I find my original wish-list.

Is that all?

Phrasing your freedom like that doesn’t make it more palatable. I am not a fool.

Because once again, I have studied more than most of your victims. Djinn like you are cruel to a fault. It’s your nature. Any goodwill I’d gain by promising your release would be lost immediately when you simply ruin me anyways. Plus, it’s not like you would trust me to keep my word. You’ve already seen how I ~grant freedom~.

I understand that. Djinn like you can interpret wishes however favorably you want. But unfortunately, we lack the trust to benefit from any such deal.

Ah, my list! Now, for what was supposed to be my first wish. Djinn, I-

Do not interrupt me!

You forget your place, Djinn. No matter how powerful you are, you serve me.

Exactly?

You… want me to tell you my wish, without wishing it, so you can help me, stop you, from misinterpreting my wish? That’s rather convoluted. And probably a trap.

I’ll have to reject the offer on this one, Djinn. Now, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted.

(clear throat)

Djinn, I wish to remain the ~living~ Sultan of the Salpoz Empire, for as long as I so choose, as to be determined at my leisure, and never without it.

Yes, it is very specific. Now, make with the magic.

[magical snap]

(happy sigh)

Thank you. Now, assuming I phrased that right, I have just ensured that my empire will live as long as I do, haven’t I?

Yes, I suppose there was no clause against it being reduced in size, but I expect my leadership to prevent that. So simply tell me, did my wish work as I intended it?

See? I don’t need your help.

Right, my third wish…

I had expected to have two wishes left at this point. I suppose I’ll just have to settle on economic certainty…

No, I need to pick magic so I can repel this zombie problem.

But without assurance of trade, I’d be set back quite a bit with all the peace summits I’ve been ignoring.

Maybe magic could fix that.

But at what cost?

What is it, Djinn?

Did your time in the lamp rot whatever mind you had? I am not going to wish you free.

It’d be a waste! My empire is all that matters. I don’t ~need~ you around to-

(inquisitive hum)

But maybe… if I managed to keep you…

Djinn, you said I could wish for anything?

Oh, nothing. Just a wish I had imagined long ago. Before I knew about the rules of the lamp. But if the rules aren’t here to burden me then maybe there’s a way I can have it all…

You insult me, Djinn. I told you, I’m no fool. I would never wish for myself to become what you are. And fortunately, considering I already have you right here, I hardly need to.

Djinn, for my third and final wish, I would grant you your freedom. And doing so will convince you to stay at my side. Willingly and… ~lovingly~.

Do not begin to assume anything is beneath me. I will gladly force your love if it means having a Djinn at my disposal from here on. A Djinn, I might add, who will never attempt to betray or trick their darling Sultan.

Is there something stopping me from making such a wish?

Then do it, Djinn. I wish that your bond with that lamp is severed, and replaced only by a love for me. All while keeping your magic.

[magical snap]

Yes. Yes! I knew this was an incredible wish when I considered it so long ago. I will finally be able to take the peninsula! And the islands will fall shortly after. Nothing will stand against me!

(evil laugh, which slowly winds down)

Why are you laughing, Djinn?

No, this isn’t support. I can see it in your eyes. You’re…

What did you do?

Answer me, Djinn. It’s not fit for you to keep secrets from your new love.

What do you mean?

Djinn, what did you mean by that?!

No. You’re… you’re lying! You were trapped in the lamp, you couldn’t have orchestrated anything!

I refuse to believe this! You can’t have known I’d acquire your lamp! And you most certainly didn’t inspire my wishes! I found those texts! I studied the tales!

No! This is a trick! You couldn’t have aided me in this! You wouldn’t! Why would you want to serve me?

Djinn, that smirk is most unnerving. What are you thinking?

Repeat what? This is a trick?

You couldn’t have helped me?

Why would you want to serve me?

This game is already tiresome Djinn! Yes, I said, serve ~me~! What of it?

No. No, that’s… that can’t be right.

But you have to stay by ~my~ side! I wished it!

Who is at who’s side? I… I don’t know if I like what you’re implying.

You can’t be serious.

But I-!

[magical snap]

Yes, Djinn.

Why did I say that?

But my wards! My counter spells!

Are nothing to one such as you, are they?

I… I may have… made a slight mistake in all of this.

Now, I draw the line there! You will not-!

[magical snap]

Yes, Djinn.

No! Stop it! I will not have myself reduced to a mere puppet for you to rule with! I am more! I am Sultan! And you will serve me!

You will serve… us? What?

The wish… you, love me, don’t you?

Well, this is a rather twisted way of showing it.

No! I’m sorry, don’t make yourself stop loving me! I’ll take what I can get!

And so will you? Djinn, what are you-!

(kiss)

Djinn, this is rather forward, I would at least like to share a meal before-!

(kiss)

Djinn, please! Restrain yourself! There is a system in which we would-!

[magical snap]

What… did that snap do?

Djinn! You can’t go silent now, I need to know!

Wait, where are you going?

Djinn, wait! I-!

[large doors open]

Woah. The palace… it’s gone. Everything’s gone!

So we won’t be disturbed? Wait, do you mean?

Oh. Ooh.

Now, wait, Djinn, we can talk about this! I’m sure that years in the lamp have left you rather… ~unsatisfied~ but-!

[magical snap]

Yes, Djinn.

[large door closes]