Part 1

Context: You're not a burden. He keeps telling you that and has since you began dating. You wanted to do something to repay his belief in you but it seems like he's not in the mood to do anything but argue... at least until disaster strikes.

Setting: The hospital

Tags:[M4A][Established Relationship][Frustrated Boyfriend Speaker][Chronically Ill Listener][Argument][Misunderstanding][Realization][Vulnerable][Confession][Comfort][Reverse Comfort][Hard Angst][Making Up?][Hospital][CW: Mentions of Kidney Failure/Angst]

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[Scene opens in the hospital]

[SFX: Various hospital devices (kidney failure)]

[As your consciousness comes back around, you hear a familiar voice vehemently arguing with your doctor]

“No! How… How could one of their kidneys just shut down like that?! They were doing great, I-I don’t…”

[Pause]

“I will NOT calm down, that’s my partner lying there! P-Please, you don’t understand, we had a fight, I took a drive, and they were fine! Except…for the fight…”

[Pause]

“...Oh God… it’s my fault.”

[The doctor tries to assure him that kidneys don’t fail because of hurt feelings, but your boyfriend sounds too distraught to hear him. Hell, you can barely hear the softspoken doctor]

[...]

“It’s… It’s my fault… The stress did it… You don’t understand, they did so much work just so I could have a nice birthday, and I didn’t know and I just… I lost my cool when they did nothing wrong!”

[Again, the doctor tries to calm him down. You tap the frame of the bed to spare the poor man]

[SFX: Gentle metal taps]

“Baby! Baby, you’re awake! Oh thank God, come here!”

[He hurries to your side and takes your hand, shaking]

“Christ... Oh, sweetheart, you look so pale… What happened?!”

[Pause]

“Your… back started to hurt really badly earlier this morning… but you didn’t want to call me to take you to the hospital?”

[Pause…]

[He looks at you in disbelief]

“Baby, it’s over a mile to just walk here! You walked the entire way, by yourself?!”

[...Pause]

[He blinks and almost smiles. Almost]

“Half a mile and then you passed out in front of the pizza place… Oh, baby… You stubborn, sweet little cloud.”

[Pause]

“Oh, uh… Sorry for shoving past you, Doc. Could we, um, have a moment or two together?”

[SFX: The doctor quickly checking vitals before exiting the room and shutting the door]

[Pause?]

“Am… I OK? Baby, you had a kidney fail on you, I think me being an emotional wreck needs to take a backseat.”

[Pause…]

“...You don’t want me to take a backseat? But… You need me to be strong and supportive.”

[You take his hand and squeeze it gently]

[Pause]

“...You need me to be OK?”

[Pause <3]

[He breaks. You break together]

“...I can’t. I… I can’t… The idea of losing you is the scariest…”

[...]

“...No.”

[Pause]

“N-No, I don’t want to leave you alone!”

[Pause!]

“No! Jesus Christ, you’re not a burden on me! And asking me to leave you here alone…?”

[...]

“...You’re not asking me to leave you alone? Then… what…?”

[...]

“... Don’t you ever say that to me again. ‘Let you die’, are…?!”

[He pauses and takes a few deep breaths, shaking]

[...Pause?]

“...I read your letter… and the moment I did, I could feel how much you love me. I nearly had another panic attack after because… I-I thought you’d break up with me, and I’d lose the best thing to ever happen to me, and-”.

[Pause?!]

[He pauses and then gives a little laugh]

“...Yes, baby, I am OK. Really? You’re worried about me right now, going through dialysis? You always do that, you know? Worrying about me when you should be focusing on getting better…”

[He takes another breath, voice shaky]

“...I know some things will never ‘get better’. I know some disabilities can be lifelong and Hell on Earth for anyone with them. That’s what amazes me about you, you know?”

[Pause?]

[He takes your hand and rests his cheek in your palm]

“Here, let me see your hand. I’m going to press it against my cheek, just like this… See how my muscles just relaxed the instant you touched me? I feel so safe with you, and I trust you with my literal life. Your kindness, your strength… If anyone in this relationship has an actual right to pop off every so often, it’s you!”

[Pause…]

“I know… Mmh, little kiss on your palm. There we go… I know you don’t like being mean, but… I’d have earned a good ass-kicking. You soothe me and care for me and make my lunch every fucking day, and I couldn’t even be a good enough boyfriend to stop myself from taking out my frustrations on you…”

[...]

[Tears spill down his cheeks. He’s doing his best to stay composed, but it’s clearly a losing battle.]

“...If you want to break up with me for the shit I pulled, I understand. But I’m not leaving you here alone. I’m not going to let you even entertain the thought of dying. Boyfriend or not, in your life or not, I love you. With everything in me, I love you, and I am staying. OK?”

[...Pause]

[He looks at you, pained. Ashamed]

“I am not miserable with you… and you wouldn’t be doing me any favors by leaving me here all by myself, or by leaving yourself to go through this shit alone. I need you. Do you hear me?”

[...]

[He gives your forehead a little kiss]

“Please rest… I’m gonna stay here and hold your hand, OK?”

[...]

[Pause]

“Huh? You… think I should use the time you’re asleep to go and talk to the doctors?”

[Pause…]

[He quiets a bit, breath shaky]

“...You think I need help, too?”

[Pause.]

[He takes a breath and, for a moment, you expect him to argue like always. This time, however, he simply murmurs:]

“OK.”

[Pause?]

“Baby… If I want to make sure this never happens again, I need the right tools. And if the doctors are the ones that can give them to me, then I think it’s about time I stopped acting like a child and just… get help.”

[...]

[He gives you a sad smile as sleep comes to claim you again]

“Hey. The bravest person I know routinely talks to these white-coated know-it-alls. I think I should be more like them, you know?”

[...Pause <3]

“I love you, too. I promise I’ll be here when you wake back up. I’m just… going to get a new set of tools.”

[He gives you a little kiss again and, by the time your eyes close, he’s still there]

[SFX: Fade out on various hospital noises]

[To be continued?]

Note: T w T