Context: Nothing is ever boring in the land of the Fae. As one of its royal family, you know that better than anyone. So, when a pirate approaches you in the royal gardens where you bathe, what honesty could you see happening? ... Certainly not this. Certainly. Not. This.

Setting: The Fae royal gardens/an unknown island

Tags:[M4A] The Pirate That Stole a Fae [Flirty Pirate Drow Speaker][Willing(?) Fae Royal Listener][Heavy Flirting][Mind Games][Seduction][Kidnapping][Shipwrecked][Toying With Eachother][Mama Mia Spice Levels][Fantasy][Teasing][CW: Kidnapping/Heavy Spice/Ransoming]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:

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Note: Please see note at the bottom concerning the full script. Thank you <3

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[Scene opens in the Fae royal gardens]

[Flashback - Opener]

[Note: Rec. a muted overlay to make it sound dreamlike]

[You don’t where you are. Or were.]

Oh, I beg your pardon, your highness! I didn’t mean to meander into the royal gardens. Gods know the Fae keep interesting plant life out here. Oh, and you’re bathing. Heavens.

[Pause]

[A figure is starting to come together in your mind. Tall and subtly built with long, white braids hanging down further than you can see. Eyes so blue they hurt]

Who am I? Ah, no one that important, your highness! But, for the sake of being polite, and to respect your true name etiquette, the name’s Drex. Pirate extraordinaire.

[Pause…]

[His smirk is so vivid in your mind. You can see he’s a Drow, and scars lace most of his visible skin, some of them shimmering golden]

Ohohoho… Your eyes lit up there. Have a thing for talking with ‘bad men’?”

[Pause]

[So certain of himself… so sure]

Hehe, apologies. You asked why a pirate would be wandering the royal gardens of the Fae as if he’d pissed in it… Well, the answer is in my title. I am a pirate, here to hopefully obtain something of great value so I can live the good life for whatever’s left of it.

[So sure…]

I have a device that shows what it looks like. Perhaps a royal so kind and bold as yourself might be able to guide me toward it? Hmhm… Be a chance to be a pirate yourself, eh?

[The game has begun]

[Pause…~]

Hehe, of course. What’s in it for you? Well… Have you ever been on a real pirate ship?

[...Oh no]

[...]

Well, I could arrange a tour, if you’d like. Why, I might even…

[He had leaned down, bold as everything, and whispered in your ear]

…let you steer her, if you’re real good.

[...Shit.]

[Pause!]

[The stranger had chuckled and plucked an orb from his pocket and held it out to you]

My thanks, sweetheart… Oop, those ears tilted back a little. Understand, apologies. You do have a sweet heart, though.

[...He’s winning]

Here, it’s just this little orb. If you peer into it and say ‘may I be guided’, it’ll show you the treasure.

[SFX: Magical humming and reactions where desired]

[You take it and it levitates in your palm with ease. Your fingers trace secret paths in the smooth surface, the magic flashing in response to your song. You ask it the question, and the hum grows]

Well, well, well… That’s funny. Cause I’m seeing your reflection in it.

[...]

Imagine that… Guided right to your destiny, your highness!

[SFX: A loud magical flare]

[The orb erupts and incases you in a painless blue flame.]

Aww, don’t struggle against my little Fae trap, love. You’ll tire yourself out before you get to see my ship! You’ll be going on your maiden voyage.

[...]

[SFX: The Listener collapsing]

Hmhm, there ya go, sweetheart. Let’s get you aboard The Menace and off toward my shitty side of reality. You’re going to earn me a fortune. Which I’m very grateful for, by the way. Now! Let’s be off! Should be smooth sailing past the main ports. We’re out of Kraken season.

[Pause]

[SFX: A ship being torn apart/Drex trying to save it]

[Long Pause]

[SFX: The waves lapping the sand]

[It takes you a moment before you realize that you’re nearly face-first down on a beach]

[Pause???]

[A familiar voice groans next to you]

“Cor… Can’t believe I forgot it was Kraken matin’ season.”

[Pause]

“I don’t want to hear any of your sass, Fae!”

[The pirate sits up with a groan, spitting up a bit of sand]

“Pfah! Nngh… Black sand? Gods, we must have drifted for a while after the damned beast tore my ship in two.”

[SFX: The Listener standing and wading into the water]

“Oy! You’ll get sucked right back out to sea if you wade out there in that heavy robe!”

[SFX: Drex following hurriedly]

[Pause!]

“Aye, OK, I see the axe floating on the slat… Do you think you can grab it without getting pulled out?”

[...]

“Oh, for the love of-”.

[SFX: A blade being drawn and cloth being sliced off]

[In one fluid motion, he takes his sword and cuts the skirts of your robe clean off, leaving you in your pantaloons, at best]

[Pause!!]

[He laughs and gives your butt one good pat]

“Oh, take this pat on your arse and get moving. No robes, no angry tides pulling stubborn hostages out to sea.”

[SFX: The axe being retrieved]

[Pause?]

“Now what? Cor… Now, you go and start building a shelter, I’ll go see about scrounging up some food. I saw a… disturbing amount of coconut crabs looming in the distance…”

[...]

“Aye, aye, we can argue about what an arse I am later. Do your Fae nonsense and get us a shelter up. The clouds are lookin’ like I owe em money, and getting caught in a storm on this kind of island is death.”

[...Pause]

“It’ll give you time to plot my murder.”

[He winks at you and then nods to a tall, jagged rock]

“That rock there goes above the treeline. Try and stay close by. Hopefully, a tree will have a hollow center or something.”

[...]

“Desperate times, sweetheart! Now get your arse running!”

[...]

[Time Skip - Several Hours]

[SFX: The wind beginning to howl]

[Several hours have passed. The storm is nearing. You almost miss Drex in the commotion as he hurries over]

“Fae! Thank the gods, I was worried you’d get lost in all of this. Did you manage to make a shelter?”

[Pause]

“Right, I’m following!”

[SFX: Them running through sand and then grass/forest]

[You lead him toward your magnum opus and present it with a flourish]

“How in the blazes…? You’ve built a whole little cabin out of the tree roots and wood!”

[Pause~]

“...And a vine ladder to climb up to it, of course. How generous of you, sweetheart. But you seem to have it up there still. And have wings, whereas I do not.”

[Pause~]

[Drex looks at you, unamused]

“Hmph. You Fae royalty are something else. So by taking one of the flowers from your horns and putting it on this tree, you can make its wood take whatever shape you want?”

[Pause?]

[He gives you an incredibly wry look]

“Yes, I suppose you did do what I asked and made shelter… You just had to be fancy about it. Like… elf fancy.”

[Pause!]

“Oy, I’m a Drow, I can talk shit. Besides…”

[He hefts his arms up, clenching an impressive amount of coconut crabs in either hand with a grin]

“If these seven coconut crabs I killed don’t show that I’m just as extra, nothin’ will. Now…”

[SFX: Thunder cracking]

“How’s about letting your favorite kidnapper up before the storm devours him, eh?”

[SFX: A vine ladder descending and being quickly climbed]

[You lower the ladder and Drex hurries up just before the rain starts coming down. He pauses in disbelief when he gets up]

“Shite, you managed to salvage a lot while I was off hunting and scouting… Look at all these supplies, medicine, bedding… We’re still not exactly ahead on surviving, but…. Oh, you put a rain catcher. Well, then we’re about exactly where I’d hoped we’d be on Day One.”

[Pause?]

“Am I nervous? Pfft, nah. Not the first time I’ve been stranded on an island. Maybe the first time with this many crabs, though. There were… a lot. And, minding that, don’t you EVER wander alone, Fae, you hear? Those things will break bones and start eating.”

[Pause?]

[He gives you a look]

“Hey, I don’t get paid your ransom if you get eaten by crabs.”

[Pause???]

[He rests his back against the inside of your little fortress with a sigh]

“Why take a Fae royal for ransom? Rule of difficulty, lass. Harder the quarry is to capture, the more people will pay to have them returned in one piece. And a Fae, well… There are people on this side of reality that would pay a fortune just to look upon you.”

[His eyes trail over your body and he licks his lips with a grin]

“Can’t fault ‘em for it, either… Moment I saw you bathing in your little secret pool of moonbeams or whatever the fuck you Fae use to clean yourselves in that garden, I was right tempted to strip and hop in with you.”

[You smile]

[Pause?]

“What would I have said to you? Oh, probably something like: ‘I hear Fae kill men just for seeing them naked, so how’s about you be my last meal before you do?’.”

[Pause!]

[He grins as you laugh and clap in delight]

“Oohhh, the Fae likes being flirted with?”

[Pause]

“We mortals do it so silly? How do you mean? How do Fae flirt?”

[SFX: The Listener essentially flopping in his lap]

[Pause]

“Oy! Warn a man before you just straddle his lap, Fae! Might have caught me before I could suck my gut in…”

[He seems to notice you staring into his eyes then]

“...Gods, those eyes… What are we doing, then? You staring into my eyes while cupping my face?”

[Pause]

[He chuckles, though a bead of sweat or two is running down his neck]

“This is how Fae flirt… Alright, alright… Show me how it’s done, your highness~”.

[To be continued?]

Note: Hope you love these goofballs as much as I already do. This is a bit more spicy than I usually put on SH but I couldn't not share these two ❤️ Past this point, I had to cut it for SH because, while technically not NSFW, it was skirting the line pretty hard. I’ll post the full one on my Patreon for the time being but, if a series happens, I’ll make sure nothing gets lost in translation between what I have to hide in the naughty box and what I can post here, lol.