Part 2

Context: You're not a burden. He keeps telling you that and has since you began dating. You wanted to do something to repay his belief in you but it seems like he's not in the mood to do anything but argue tonight.

Setting: Your apartment/a hotel parking lot

Tags:[M4A][Established Relationship][Frustrated Boyfriend Speaker][Chronically Ill Listener][Argument][Misunderstanding][Realization][Bad Ending][CW: Mentions of Suicide/Arguing/Hard Angst/Panic Attack]

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[Scene opens at home]

[SFX: A door being unlocked and opened]

[Your tired boyfriend trudges through the door, grunting as you hug him]

“Ngh, hey babe. Easy, the job was laying bricks today and I am one sore boy.”

[Pause?]

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask for my birthday off again. I’ll text Scott in a bit, hon, I just want a beer.”

[Pause!]

[SFX: Paper rustling]

[You brandish an envelope at him and he frowns]

“I already said I would, hon, you don’t need to give me an envelope. Like, just give me a bit.”

[...]

[He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose]

“...Sweetie, can we not do this right now, please? I just got home, my body is aching from work, and I really just want a beer.”

[Pause]

[He throws his hands up with a frustrated groan, seeming to startle you both]

“Jesus, there’s never a moment’s peace with you, is there? It’s always something. Always some kind of crisis, some need, some new thing that sends you into a spiral which, of course, I have to fucking deal with!”

[...]

[He shoots you a look, guilty but too angry to reel it in]

“And there are the waterworks. Can I not just come home one day without having to feel miserable?!”

[...]

“No, I… I don’t… I don’t mean I’m always miserable. Look, I really just don’t want to fight with you right now, OK? I’ll read the letter after I go cool off. I’m just gonna go on a drive.”

[....]

[He inhales angrily but exhales calmly]

“I am not ‘shutting down’, I just need a bit. I’ll talk to you later.”

[SFX: Him stomping out and shutting the door to the truck driving off]

[Long Pause - Driving ambiance]

“...Good job, Derek. Good fucking job… You made them cry…”

[Pause]

“Christ, maybe I really do just need a break. But how? I’ve got work, they have their appointments to get to, we’ve had to go to the ER three times this month…”

[He sighs]

“We’re both stressed. We’ll talk it out when I get home, and it’ll be fine… Right?”

[His breathing grows labored]

“F-Fuck, not a panic attack… Not now… A-Ah, ah, there, pull over in that hotel parking lot]

[SFX: The car pulling over and parking]

[He grasps his chest, gasping for air]

“No… No no no it’s not that bad, I can’t have… What am I… What would I even do without them? Why did I do that?! Sure, there’s always some catastrophe, but they apologize every time… They know I’m stressed, so I don’t understand why they’d be so damned pushy about…”

[Pause]

[He steadies his breathing after a moment or two]

[Time Skip - VAs discretion]

“...I’m never going to know how bad I fucked up until I read this letter, am I?”

[SFX: The letter unfolding]

[He reads your letter to himself as the car clock ticks quietly in the background]

“I’m not good at greetings so, hey you. I just wanted to write you something while I could focus to thank you for all that you do for me. I know I’m not exactly easy to deal with, and I know that I can be a burden, no matter how many times you tell me that’s not true… Even when I explain why I can’t do something, I feel like I’m lying, no matter how many times I hurt myself trying to prove it’s not true. I know your friends and coworkers think I’m faking. Or are dragging you down.”

[His voice catches]

[Pause]

“...B-Before you, everyone else had given up on me. I was at my lowest point, then, and the only thing I saw in front of me was a quiet suicide at 3 AM one morning when the mood struck. Then I met you, and you made me really believe that I could still be loved, despite being broken.”

[VAs discretion on emotional reaction]

[His words begin to struggle]

[SFX: Faint noise from the interstate]

“So, for the last seven months, I’ve done my best to do commissions and save up for that camping trip you wanted to go on for your birthday! The ticket is in the envelope. I could only save up for one, but that’s OK. You deserve the time to yourself. And don’t worry! I promise I’ll be OK for a little bit. You’ve taught me to be a lot tougher <3.”

[His voice breaks on the last three words]

“I love you…”

[SFX: The paper crumpling partially]

[He sits still for a moment, shoulders curling inward, over and over like his body is trying to vomit it all up before he slams his fists into the steering wheel with an anguished snarl]

“FUCK!!! Fuck, no…! No, why did…”

[Pause…]

“...Why does the universe keep sending you such shitty men, sweetheart…? And why the fuck am I sitting here joining those ranks?”

[SFX: Distant interstate honking/noise]

“...They were right… I do have a problem… I… I have shut down…”

[He sets the letter and envelope aside, hurriedly puts the car into drive, and speeds off]

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, no no no no! I can fix this, we can talk this out! This isn’t… No, I can’t imagine life without…”

[SFX: The car speeding off]

“I can fix this, I can make this right-! Please let me make it right… Please-!”

[Long Pause - Him speeding home]

[SFX: The car parking and him rushing into the house]

“Baby?! Baby, are you here?!”

[...]

[He looks about the apartment in desperation, panicking quietly]

“...Some of their things are gone, oh Christ… Jesus, what have I-?”

[SFX: His phone ringing]

“There! H-Hello?! Baby??”

[Pause]

[His voice grows as small as a voice can grow]

“Hospital…?”

[To be continued]

Note: The skies above are infinite and vast. One can only ponder what atrocities they’ve idly gazed upon in the dark of a hotel parking lot. It seems an ocean of dust is never long behind. So the sky can bury in the sand what horrors we cannot fathom. Horrors both Eldritch and horrors of simply knowing there is no going back now.