Google Docs ScriptBin

I, SplashiestPig, the author of this script, personally endorse the pursuit of any typical action taken with this text. You can edit it. You can put it behind a paywall. You can monetize an audio made from it. You can even partner up with a magical entity and spend twenty years tracking this script! Dive In! Credit SplashiestPig, and if it could be managed, I'd love to get a link to your work.

​

​

​

Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

~ ~ = Emphasis

| | = Character

Child-Borne Chicanery

[Bell Tolls]

|Holy Knight|

Citizens of Wolfshire! Gather ‘round and witness the Lord’s work! For on this fine morn’ we will sanctify this lovely little hamlet!

This… ~animal~ stands guilty of witchcraft, of which the punishment is slow, inevitable death by cleansing flame. So declares Emperor Palve, The Eternal Marytr!

Gather all of strong constitution! Gather all of good spirit! Gather all true mortals that live on this land. Gather every able body, and laud for justice to be struck!

For now, and no later, I shall light the holy fire and put an end to this… ~filth~!

[Fireball Sparks]

May God’s mercy turn away from you, witch.

|Fae|

Dare not cast that spark!

|Holy Knight|

Who dares impede a Holy Knight? Who thinks themselves brash enough to-!

|Demon|

You heard her, ya’ oversized golem! Put the fireball down, before I make you!

|Holy Knight|

Who speaks that?!

[Sword Unsheates]

Step forward, and share this one’s pyre!

|Demon|

That silver sword won’t save you from me, vicar.

|Fae|

Nor I!

|Holy Knight|

Ah, now I see what this is. A demon and a fae, come to aid their accomplice no doubt! Never fear, heathens, the holy flame consumes all.

|Demon|

(Scoff)

Angelwings, may I please show this imbecile exactly what we think about this, ~holy flame~?

|Fae|

I beseech you so, darling.

|Holy Knight|

Then come face me, demon! I will not-!

[Metal Crunch]

(Holy Knight Groans)

|Demon|

(Chuckle)

They just don’t make armor like they used to, do they?

|Holy Knight|

{Choking Up}

I… I..!

|Fae|

That’s quite enough of you, knave.

[Magic Casts]

Would anyone else please to share in this one’s fate?

|Demon|

Then scram ya’ mortals!

[Crowd Disperses]

|Fae|

Do not tremble, my youth. Our rage is not upon you.

|Demon|

What? Oh! I’m so sorry, pumpkin! I hadn’t meant to scare you! I promise you’re safe now. Your mothers are here.

|Fae|

It would seem they don’t remember us, my rose.

|Demon|

You… you don’t…

Of course, you don’t. You were so young when he took you. We knew you probably wouldn’t… ya’ know… know.

|Fae|

No, you haven’t committed any grievance, my sweetheart. We are not disappointed in you, we are simply… quite rageful with your father. And overjoyed to finally be reunited! The emotional turmoil is vivid.

|Demon|

Here, let me get you off that stick. I know better than most how uncomfortable pyres can be.

[Rope Snaps]

There. And now I’ll just back up a little. Give you your space.

|Fae|

Quite the uncharacteristic restraint from you, my heart.

|Demon|

Guilty as charged. If I wasn’t trying to make a good first impression, I’d probably be at least a little more forward but don’t act like you’re any better, ya’ snuggle bug.

|Fae|

I admit, the thought of a cuddle may have crossed my mind. Sadly, now is no time for such acts. We should leave for somewhere a might more favorable. That is if you were willing, sweet one.

|Demon|

That question was phrased at you, pumpkin. We aren’t trying to kidnap you we’d just… like to talk.

|Fae|

Splendid! I’ll weave the portal!

[Portal Opens]

|Demon|

Free advice? Exhale when you step through the gate. Your mom’s portals are a little squirrelly.

|Fae|

I heard that!

|Demon|

And you know it’s true!

|Fae|

Welcome home, my child!

|Demon|

If you’re confused, she’s talking about the whole grove. My little Pixiedust doesn’t like walls.

|Fae|

Any barrier is a cage, and I am no canary.

|Demon|

I just thought they might be a little confused. Then again, maybe you’ll like this more than human houses, considering the obvious.

Right, it’s not obvious, is it? Sorry, I’m not exactly used to this whole mother-ing stuff. I don’t really have the instincts for it.

|Fae|

She does deep down, she simply doubts herself when the subject is a person she loves. Take it as a compliment.

|Demon|

Wow, already diving into my insecurities, are we? I swear, you stick around a fae for two minutes, and they’ve already psychoanalyzed you. I’d strangle you if it wasn’t so accurate.

|Fae|

Don’t lie. You could never hurt me. Our lovemaking notwithstanding.

|Demon|

(Clear Throat)

Maybe not the first thing we say to them?

|Fae|

You’ve always been one to brag about your finesse in my bed. Is something the matter now?

|Demon|

I just don’t know if that’s the type of thing they want to hear!

|Fae|

They’re of age. A little openness is healthy.

|Demon|

You know what? I’m out of my depth here. And clearly, ~you~ have questions, so, why don’t you do me a favor and change the subject?

|Fae|

A fine question. It’s a rather serpentine story but, I’d be more than glad to tell it if you’d like.

|Demon|

And I’ll translate the more ~flowery~ word choices.

|Fae|

It all began a long while away, twenty-three springs ago if I may recall correctly. A very mousy man-

|Demon|

More of a rat if you ask me.

|Fae|

Yes, maybe so. But either way, he had exhausted himself scurrying across my forest and fell asleep beneath a willow.

I began my usual tricks, but he was… off. Oddly accepting, or perhaps resigned. It piqued my interest. We spoke, and talked, and chatted, and rambled for… maybe a century across a day. Despite his lack of charisma, he had seen quite a bit. Lived. I hadn’t, sad to say, or maybe I would have known what he was doing.

|Demon|

Don’t blame yourself, Angelwings. He was a bastard.

|Fae|

Right true, but I still stand with my words. I wish I had journeyed away sooner.

Oh yes dear, I didn’t travel much at all before I had you. I couldn’t bring myself to go without a reason. But I was soon to get some motive to explore, and a wild flame to explore with.

|Demon|

You’re making me blush.

|Fae|

The story, yes, I was a little distracted. Anyway, under all that… everything really, the man managed to pull out the smallest shred of charm. Seduced me barely, or… a little more than barely, I’ll admit. He was rather forward, and the stars were glowing so, I decided he would be as good a mate as any. He didn’t object and that was where you came along.

|Demon|

Don’t worry, that’s all the sex in this story. I can see you’re squirming a little.

|Fae|

Apologies! I hadn’t thought you’d mind.

Thank you for understanding. Now, where everything turned wrong. Your father, curse him to this day, hadn’t stumbled on my forest by accident. He had made a rather interesting deal with the demon stood beside me for his firstborn child. You.

|Demon|

In my defense, the contract actually specified for the first fruits of labor taken not gained. It was supposed to make him steal something big enough to regret. Damn him to hell, grab his soul, you know, the usual. I didn’t think he’d go for a kid.

|Fae|

You also neglected to notice his apparent lack of empathy. Although, he did hide it well…

Yes, back on subject, he stayed with me, cared for me, ultimately a lie but, I hadn’t known. All until I gave birth. Then he drew a sigil to fulfill his contract with my firestarter. We hadn’t known each other at the time so I got a slight tad territorial.

|Demon|

That’s the understatement of the century. This little gremlin took two minutes trying to negotiate for you. Something about archaic fae law allowing her to ~steal~ a human child. Saying you were human enough to count, and that therefore she could legally steal you from me thanks to some millennia-old pact. I didn’t budge and she went feral. Terrifying, honestly.

|Fae|

What can I say? A mother does what she must.

|Demon|

And by, what she must, Angelwings here means ankle-biting time loops.

|Fae|

It was effective!

|Demon|

It was. You make a very convincing CrackSnaple when you want to.

|Demon|

Oh yeah, storytime. There’s not much more to that bit. Just that the rat grabbed you and ran off while we were occupied. And we stayed occupied for a long time. Eventually, my darling fairyfangs sensed him sprinting past her treeline. By the time we calmed down and teleported out, he had disappeared into some city.

|Fae|

We wanted to give chase but, the guardsmen weren’t to be trifled with. And we had tired ourselves out with each other. We thought to take a moment to rest. Assumed he wouldn’t get far. And oh how wrong we were.

|Demon|

We didn’t see that slimeball again for another eight years. Finally caught him halfway through seducing a dragon. Apparently, he makes a habit of laundering children. Sells them to slavers and autocrats as I’m sure you know.

|Fae|

After a quick interrogation, the dragon turned the man to cinders. We were quite pleased with that.

|Demon|

Not too pleased. I wanted to flay him.

|Fae|

Ah, but if you had, we never would have befriended |Dragon Name|, now would we? And where would you be without her wonderful mutton roast?

|Demon|

|Dragon Name| does know how to cook, I’ll give her that. Too bad she cheats to hell and back at game night. Otherwise, we might be friends.

|Fae|

Don’t listen to her, they’re thick as thieves those two.

|Demon|

~Anyway~, the bread trail was a little harder to pick up after that. But we were determined. And… somewhere along the way, the partnership became more than just business.

|Fae|

All that bluster and she’s still so shy about it. You know exactly when it became personal.

|Demon|

Well, if I do, I’m sure the kid doesn’t want to hear it so-!

Of course you do.

|Fae|

We were waiting on some information, and we had just so happened to be have wandered far enough North to see the Dreamlights. They were magnificent that night, so I had to bathe in the aura.

|Demon|

When she says bathe, she means it. She stripped, no warning, right in front of me. And while I’ve seen my fair share of beautiful women, I’ve never had one strip for non-sexual reasons.

|Fae|

I insisted she joined me, and we sat there soaking in the magic. We had a wonderful conversation, and my beloved ember confessed her crush on me.

|Demon|

It was the first time I’ve ever shared a moment naked without doing something more! It overloaded the horny mess I call a brain, so I did something a little silly. I’m just lucky she liked me too. I guess years of traveling under the pretense of being enemies has a way of turning things around.

Oh yeah, definitely. We tried so hard to hate each other.

|Fae|

From the beginning, we thought only one of us could keep you. Naturally, disposing of the competition would be important. It was only later we saw another way.

|Demon|

That way being, raising you together. But the years kinda got away from us and… this is all obvious, isn’t it? I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk down to you, it’s just-!

|Fae|

Be calm, Brightflame. They don’t seem to mind.

|Demon|

You’re right, I only meant-

Thanks.

|Fae|

The end of the story should be clear already. Mostly searching dead leads until we came to Wolfshire and sensed your adorable little signature on the pyre.

|Demon|

How did you end up there anyway? The knights are usually pretty inept about catching actual magic users.

|Fae|

Oh, honey thistle, that must have been terrifying! May I hold you?

Yes, I’m sure you don’t need the comfort at this moment but, I’d rather like it. My flame was rather right about my desire for touch.

|Demon|

It’s probably best to go for it. Angelwings here is a great hugger.

|Fae|

I do pride myself with it.

Ooh, you run hot, darling! My own little ember.

|Demon|

If you’re not careful you might just make me jealous.

|Fae|

Do any questions swirl in your head, before we ask our own?

That’s very noble of you. And yes, we did encounter quite a myriad of your half-siblings. We did our best to aid them however possible, but, only the sky will ever know how many we may have missed.

|Demon|

The manslut sure had a way of slipping through our hands. I’m sure we didn’t even scratch the surface when it came to him.

|Fae|

Still your flames, Tesero. He’s gone.

|Demon|

Gone too soon. I should have scratched deeper. If not only for keeping us from our daughter.

Oh, sorry to re-spring that trap! I almost forgot that’s what this was all about!

|Fae|

We’d like you to stay here, sweet one. With us. Even if your youngest years are gone, we’d still wish to support you. Be the family you were robbed of.

Yes. We could care in the grove. Venture out across the world. And always find a warm blanket beneath the moon. Together.

|Demon|

And if you’d be willing to accept bribery, we could get you in touch with your roots! The fae half, not the deadbeat half. Teach you some magic, maybe get you a centering rock like your mom? And I’d love to chaperone a trip to hell, if you’re up for it!

|Fae|

We wouldn’t want to force this decision on you.

|Demon|

I do, a little. But that’s besides the point.

|Fae|

You are free. That’s what matters to the both of us, once the sun sets. But all the same, we’d love to have you for dinner.

|Demon|

The inviting way, not cannibalism.

|Fae|

(Giddy Squeal)

Fair Fates!

|Demon|

See how her wings glew when she said that? That’s pure joy spilling out right there. Careful not to get too close, it’s infectious.

|Fae|

I’ll go light the coals! Would you like to prepare with me?

|Demon|

Or, the two of us could talk. Maybe run through the basics of magic, assuming you haven’t already figured it out. Help me get over the hurdles of being a supportive mother and whatnot.

Sounds great.

|Fae|

Indeed!