Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Part 3 (ScriptBin) ; Part 3 (Google Docs)

All use is encouraged. You can edit. You can paywall. You can monetize. You can bully this script into letting you crash in its burrow. Go nuts! Credit SplashiestPig.

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Key:

( ) = Verbal Sound Effect

[ ] = Added Sound Effect

* * = Silent Insert

{ } = Line Delivery

Red Hot

[winter ambiance]

You know what snake?

*listener allows*

I’m starting to think that this whole following you thing might have been a mistake.

*listener comments*

I know I asked to come with you, but I had no idea your big plan was to trudge in one direction until we collapsed from exhaustion!

*listener offers*

Obviously, I’m not going to just leave you! What would you have me do, fly off in some other random direction? At least this way, I’ll get to eat you when you die, and then fly off on a full stomach!

*small pause*

Speaking of full stomachs, I think I may be literally starving to death. I haven’t eaten anything since those pizza bites and it’s really starting to take a toll. I can’t imagine you’re doing much better.

*listener muses*

Well, I’m just saying that, maybe, if we moved a little quieter, we could actually catch a mountain goat or a deer girl or something!

*listener comments*

{loudly}

I am not the one scaring all the prey away!

*listener accepts*

Hey, I know that when you say it like that, you don’t actually mean it! You probably think that my talking is what’s spooking all the food when it is clearly you and your absurdly massive tail.

*listener retorts*

Obviously, I’m not calling you fat! We’re edging in on starvation! Excess body fat would be a plus, if anything.

*small pause*

Do you at least know where we’re going?

*listener diverts*

Ugh, here we go again. Fine! Let’s keep pretending you have the foggiest idea where we’re going besides “warmer”. Is it at least close?

*listener responds*

Well, if it’s not, then maybe we should consider widening our menu. There are two of us after all, and I’ve still got some strength left. Maybe we could take on a bear, or a pack of wolves, or, maybe even some wolf-kin if we played our cards right.

*listener speaks*

I just think it’s worth considering! I’d rather die trying to secure some food than succumb to the elements!

*listener states*

Won’t have to do either? What are you–?

*listener points*

Oh. Oh! One of those, human nests! An isolated one too! Looks sturdy.

*small pause*

Wait, did you really know about this place the whole time, or did you just get lucky?

*listener moves*

Hey, wait! You can’t rush ahead to avoid answering me!

*listener continues*

Your silence is very telling, snake! Now move over!

*listener speaks*

Please, if anyone is going in first, it’s me. Now, how do you open this thing?

*listener teases*

No, I don’t need-!

*small pause*

You know what, no. I do need help. I am too hungry and too cold to care about appearances. Be my guest, snake.

*small pause*

[doorknob rattles]

What are you doing?

[doorknob rattles]

Wait, was this your big plan to get in? Shake the wall and hope it opens like the box did?

*listener states*

Oh, I’m sure this worked last time. Definitely.

[doorknob rattles]

Stop. You’re giving me a headache. If we can’t get in with your weird hand jiggling, then we’ll simply be forced to be a little creative, won’t we?

*listener questions*

What am I talking about? Watch and learn, snake.

(grunt of effort)

[window shatters]

Ha! Just like a beehive! Except with way less honey. Then again, less stings too so I think it breaks even.

*listener comments*

[winter ambiance stops]

[fireplace ambiance starts]

Oh, hardy har har. Now, is there usually any food in these weird, human boxes, or are we still going to starve to death?

*listener comments*

We just have to look around? That is so much more annoying than you simply finding it for me, you know that?

*listener states*

No, that does not mean I’m not going to look! If I don’t keep an eye on you, you might take all the good stuff for yourself!

*listener assures*

Oh yes, I definitely believe you. I’m sure you wouldn’t-!

[shotgun clicks]

*small pause*

Snake, did your tail just make a weird clicking sound? Because I could swear that sounds exactly like-?

[gunshot]

Goddess! It’s an ambush!

[gunshot]

(pained yell)

That burns! Where did that-!

[gunshot]

A human?! You picked nest with a human still in it?!

[snake hisses]

Yeah, yeah just-!

[gunshot]

Just keep it wrapped up! I’ll kill it!

[gunshot]

[human scream]

There.

(deep breaths)

Well, at least we have something to eat, right?

(pained groan)

*listener asks*

No, I’m fine. I just-

(wince)

It just nicked my wing. That’s all.

*small pause*

(wince)

Goddess above, this nest stings just as much as a beehive! Maybe more!

*listener offers*

No just… just go make sure there aren’t any other humans around here planning on finishing us off. I’ll be right behind you, I just… need a second.

*pause*

Snake? I take it you-

(wince)

I take it you didn’t find anything else to try and kill us?

*listener confirms*

That’s good.

(deep breath)

Say, why aren’t you more… hurt? You took most of the attack if I’m not mistaken.

*listener states*

Oh, your scales. Yeah, that… that makes sense. A little. Or, maybe I’ve lost too much blood to tell it doesn’t.

*small pause*

(groan)

Well snake, I think you won. This nest will keep you warm, you’ve got plenty to eat, and I’m not going to be around much longer. Congratulations.

*listener asks*

I… I can’t feel my wing. And the blood isn’t stopping. I don’t think I’m going to make it out of this one.

*listener approaches*

Hey, I know I just resigned myself to death, but that doesn’t mean you get to kill me. Don’t get any funny ideas now.

*listener continues*
I mean it snake! Stay-!

[snake coils]

Wow. I can’t even fight back anymore. I think I’m in shock.

(chuckle)

Looks like this is all ending just like it started. Me, seeking shelter, and you, wrapping me up. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had a thing for this little power dynamic.

*listener jokes*

Do it. Before I change my mind and get you first.

*listener objects*

No? What are you talking about?

*listener moves*

(groan)

Could you have laid me here any rougher? Way to kick an owl while it’s down.

*small pause*

What are you doing?

*listener states*

I see that snake, but I don’t think licking my wound is going to do much of anything. If you’re aiming for a meal, you could at least do me the courtesy of not eating me alive. If you want to be really nice, you could tear something off that human so I can get a final meal.

*listener offers*

You have something better? Snake, my ears are ringing, and my vision is blurring, so I cannot even begin to understand what you’re implying.

*listener gives*

You… you found some more pizza bites. Wow. I…

*pause*

Thank you. How long do I get to eat these before you eat me?

*listener denies*

You’re not going to eat me? Well, that’s very nice of you. Not that it matters much. I don’t have much time left. I can feel my soul, slipping away into the goddess’ plush embrace. I’m just going to close my eyes and-!

(pained yelp)

Hey! What’s the big idea?!

*listener continues*

You saw a human do this before? And what makes you think that tying up my wing will be even remotely applicable now?

*listener speaks*

Come on! I was winding down! Getting all tired, trying to see the light, meet the goddess! You can’t torture me in my dying moment!

*listener denies*

I am so dying! Plain and simple!

*listener disagrees*

Not if you have anything to say about it? Oh, come on snake! It’s no secret you aren’t the fondest of me, but please, let me die in peace! Don’t make me be entertainment or whatever other sadistic thing your lizard brain cooked up!

*listener states*

Oh really? Well then snake, answer me this. Why the change of heart? Why help me?

*listener affirms*

{surprised}

Do you really mean that?

*listener teases*

Hey! I am not blushing! Some lamia I barely know saying they don’t one hundred percent hate my guts, isn’t enough to get to me! There’s probably just blood on my face or something! We are natural enemies, just trying to survive. Nothing more!

*listener asserts*

In this together?

(fake laugh)

That’s rich coming from you. If I remember correctly, you’re the one who tried to leave me back in the box!

*listener corrects*

No! I distinctly remember, I offered we team up, you rejected it, and then when I opened the box, you came crawling back!

*listener asserts*

Just… just shut up, okay? Let me die in peace.

*listener denies*

I am dying! If not from that human’s weird stick then from your talking! Let me rest! Let me drift off!

*listener states*

Yeah, whatever, check in whenever you want. I’ll be long dead by the time you next see me. See if I care.

*listener assures*

Thanks for the food, snake. It’ll make a fitting last meal.

*listener objects*

I am dying! I’m fading away as we speak! Goodbye world! I’m dead!

*listener denies*

Yeah yeah, just… go, somewhere else. I don’t know.

*listener greets*

Yes. Bye, forever!