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Hey, kiddo, can you sit down for a minute? We need to talk about something kind of serious.

[Pause]

Nope, you’re not in trouble. You’re just…well, you’re growing up really fast, and as much as I wish you could just stay this little forever, I know that soon you’re going to be a young adult.

So there are some things we need to talk about.

[Pause]

Eh, eh, eh, sit back down. You’re not going anywhere.

[Pause]

Look. I know things are confusing at your age, and I know you’re not even thinking about dating right now. But one day, you’ll be going to school or work or just walking down the street, and you’ll run into the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in your life. You’ll fall madly, deeply in love with them, and you’ll do absolutely anything to make them yours.

I know it seems like that’s all so far away. But your cousin found her soulmate when she was only twelve, and she didn’t handle it the best. I don’t want to take a chance on you being an early bloomer.

You see…Our family is special.

[Pause]

Well, yes, I suppose all families are special. But our family is special in a very…special…way. We're passionate people. So our first instinct, when we fall in love, is to show that love with very passionate solutions.

A lot of books and movies will tell you to follow your heart. Don't do that. Your Uncle John followed his heart, and that’s why he’s in prison now.

Your heart is selfish. Your heart is trying to sabotage you. You've gotta use your head.

[Pause]

I know, that sounds easy when we’re talking about it like this, but trust me, it’s a lot harder to do when the love of your life is across the room and you just want to be all alone with them forever.

But, no matter how much you want that — and you might really, really want that — it’s the wrong thing to do.

[Pause]

[Thoughtful] Yes, because it’s immoral, but mostly because it’s not going to get you what you really want. It’s like the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race.

For example, your grandma moved way too fast. She just snatched your grandpa off the street. Your grandpa didn’t like that much. He ran away again and again. He went out to get milk when I was six, and he didn't come home for 3 years. Hunting him down was quite the family adventure, [Wistful] but we’re never gonna get those years back.

[Pause]

Oh, no, your [Mom/Dad] would never do that. Never, ever. If [she/he] did run away for some crazy reason, [she/he] would take you with [her/him]. But [she/he] wouldn’t leave me. Do you know why?

[Pause]

Exactly, kiddo. Some people might think that the best restraints are ropes or chains, but those can be broken. The true trap is love.

Your [Mom/Dad] and I are perfect for each other. But if I hadn’t been strategic, then [she/he] never would given [herself/himself] the chance to fall in love with me.

When I was 22 and met [her/him] for the first time, I would have done anything to start dating [her/him]. But the hardest thing to do was to hold myself back.

I didn’t follow [her/him] around, no matter how much I wanted to, because I knew that would scare [her/him] and hurt [her/his] trust. I didn’t break into [her/his] home. I didn’t kill the people [she/he] talked to just because [she/he] talked to them, the way your grandma used to when grandpa made a friend.

I was very careful not to do anything that I knew [she/he] could not forgive. I let my darling be my conscience. Because I didn’t want to build our marriage on a foundation of deceit.

[Pause]

No, I didn’t walk up to [her/him] and blab all my secrets, silly. I kept quiet about the parts of myself that [she/he] wasn’t ready to meet right away. I didn’t tell [her/him] about all the awful thoughts in my head or the crimes my family had committed or the cruel things I did as a child.

But I never lied to [her/him]. That’s important, honey. You mustn't lie to your soulmate. I was always honest, but I didn’t rush my confessions. I let them come bit by bit, when the time was right.

By the time [she/he] knew everything that should have made [her/him] run off to the most remote village in Alaska — like your grandpa did — [she/he] knew all the rest of me, too. [She/He] knew I loved [her/him]. [She/He] knew I would never hurt [her/him]. [She/He] knew I would listen to [her/him]. And that was enough to make [her/him] stay.

[Pause]

I hope our talk will help you out a little when you fall in love, pumpkin. Just remember this, okay? When you’re feeling such big feelings, you might want to prove your love in a wild, explosive way like murdering their obnoxious boss or buying them their own private island.

But sometimes, the best thing to do is just to walk up and say hi.