If you want to credit me, I am @EmeraldAshesAudio on YouTube.

Hi! You’re my date, right? I already got my coffee, and I figured, as long as I was waiting I would order two. Something simple and something sweet. I like both, so take your pick.

[Pause]

I thought you might like that one.

[Flirty] Wow. You’re even cuter in person. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

Maybe not. I’ve never done online dating before so I guess I wouldn’t really know.

[Cheerful] What do you do for a living?

[Pause]

[Breathy] Fascinating.

[Pause]

Me? I guess you could say I’m independently wealthy.

[Pause]

No, I didn’t grow up rich. My parents didn’t leave much when they passed. My money comes from my late [husband/wife].

[Pause]

No, no. It’s fine. Really. [Cold] I’m over it.

[Nervous laugh] Not that anyone ever really gets over something like that. Of course. But [Vulnerable] it wasn’t a very healthy relationship. I loved [him/her] more than [he/she] loved me, and [he/she] always made that clear to me. Being with [him/her] hurt.

[Pause]

[Forced cheer] I hope you aren’t the superstitious type. Sometimes people get nervous when they hear about what happened to my [husband/wife] [Voice goes colder and colder] or my parents or my best friend or the neighbors. They think maybe I’m bad luck.

[Pause]

[Sweet] Thanks. I’m glad you aren’t like that.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring down the mood. Let’s talk about something else. Something easy.

[Playful] Hmmm…What’s your favorite color?

[Pause]

Same. Favorite food?

[Pause]

I like that, too. Dream vacation?

[Pause]

That sounds perfect. What about—

Oh, sorry, I don’t mean to interrogate you or anything. You can ask me something.

[Pause]

Hobbies, hobbies…well, I go for a lot of walks around town. It’s nice to stretch my legs and, uh, people watch. I hope you don’t think that’s creepy.

[Short pause]

No? Good. Otherwise, I’m a bit of a homebody. I cook a lot.

[Pause]

Whatever you like, really. I can learn any cuisine, if I put my mind to it. I bake, too. Also, I know most people don’t like cleaning, but I do. I find the repetition soothing, and it makes others feel more comfortable.

[Pause]

[Surprised, hopeful] Marry you? Y-yes. Yes, yes. Oh my God, yes!

[Pause]

…You were joking. [Nervous laugh] I was joking, too. [Embarrassed] Obviously. I really got you, huh?

[Pause]

I’m glad we can have this kind of back-and-forth banter. [Warm] I like your laugh.

[Pause]

You were ready to give up on online dating? I know [long pause, clearly scrambling to lie] what you mean. It can be really hard to connect with someone online. I joined all the apps. I kept searching and searching, but I couldn’t find the person I was looking for.

Then, there you were.

I was so nervous you wouldn’t like me back, or maybe you had already deleted the app and wouldn’t even see me. But you did see me, and you picked me, too.

[Pause]

[Shy, hopeful] Do you want to do this again, maybe? If you’re comfortable coming to my home, I would love to cook you something. [Slightly threatening] I’m sure I can create a meal that’s just perfect for you.