Part 2

Context: Some dumb werewolf stole and ate one of your chickens earlier that night, then tried to challenge you on your own property. Your. Own. Property. You set him straight, but now it seems he's back with his father. That's fine. You got all the time and vitriol in the world.

Setting: The forest

Tags:[MM4F][Father and Son Werewolf Speakers][Hillbilly of Ill Temper Listener][Alpha Werewolf][Mild Comedy][Fight][Rednecks & Werewolves][Mountain Lion][Alligator][Flirting?][Get Off My Property][Batshit Insane Listener?][CW: Angry Hillbilly Combat]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:

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***

[K] = King, the Alpha werewolf and single dad

[S] = Bishop, King's son, kind of a goober but also a chicken thief

***

[Scene opens deep within the forest]

[SFX: Two werewolves walking with purpose]

[K] “Hmph. Can’t believe you had to drag me out of bed because one of the women beat you up, boy.”

[S] “N-No, you don’t understand! It wasn’t a female werewolf!”

[SFX: More walking/forest night ambiance]

[K] “Look, it doesn’t matter. Vampire, banshee, Neko, same difference. You should be able to fight your own fights, Bishop.”

[S] “Da, you don’t understand! This was a HUMAN woman!”

[King pauses, lip twitching in amusement]

[K] “...You got your tail laid out by a human woman? Are you serious?”

[Bishop lets out a half-whine, half-growl]

[S] “You don’t get it! Batshit insane, that one was! I barely walked onto her property before she flew out of that cabin, in some kinda armor, and she lit up the sky, Da! Like one of those pyromancers in the city! She ran at me, blasting fire, cursing me, and then a big lizard ran after her at me, hissing and spitting!”

[K] “...You have one Hell of an active imagination, boy. Is that the cabin up ahead?”

[S, grumped] “Yessir…”

[SFX: Them walking closer and a low hissing noise]

[K] “Wait here. I’ll set this woman straight so she knows whose territory she’s in and then you’ll let me fucking sleep, right?”

[S] “Be careful, Da…”

[You hear them talking outside and, like always, you’re already pissed off as the Alpha approaches]

[K] “Alright. Come on out, girly! I…”

[SFX: A pissed-off mountain lion hissing]

[K] “Rrgh, down, cat! I’m not going to take guff from some mountain lion! Hmph, what, are you a pet or too dumb to know better?”

[SFX: More hissing of the gator variety]

[K] “Gah, what the fuck?! Rrgh, alright, human! Come out or I’m going to rip your little pets out here apart! I don’t care what kind of sassy lizards you keep! Now, get your ass out here and-!”

[SFX: The Listener full-on sprinting for the door and a flamethrower firing off]

[You sprint outside, not giving the Alpha a chance to even speak before you aim your flamethrower at him and fire it off]

[K] “Ah, there you ar- OH SHIT!”

[He scrambles back, narrowly avoiding the blast]

[Pause!]

[S] “I-I told you! I told you, Da!”

[K] “Rrrgh, SHUT UP, BOY! Alright, human… Alright! I don’t know what metal contraption you’re lugging around or why it can spit fire like a bratty dragon, but that’s not going to be enough to hobble me!”

[Pause!]

[K] “...I admire your bravery. Or batshit insanity, in thinking you can chase me off of ‘your’ property. These are MY woods, do you understand?!”

[SFX: A fire blast and King swearing]

[K] “Rrgh, fine. FINE! Let’s go, you little human BITCH!”

[He lets out a ferocious howl and charges you. You charge back, howling too because fuck this guy for thinking he can howl on your property]

[SFX: Fire blasts and a hatchet repeatedly hitting different spots in the ground]

[K] “C’mon, C’MON! There you go! Hit me with all the fire you want! I don’t care about that and I don’t care about the hatchet-! Oh, fuck, that’s a sharp hatchet!”

[Pause!!!]

[SFX: King narrowly dodging vicious hatchet swings]

[S] “Watch out, Da! I think she gets stronger the madder she gets, same as us!”

[K, with a snarl] “BOY, I AM TRYING TO FOCUS! AND HUMANS DON’T DO THAT!”

[He swings out, knocking you on your back]

[Pause!]

[K] “Got you! Rrgh, you lie right there while I… FUCKING PUT MYSELF OUT! The second I do, oh… You will regret everything you’ve done here tonight, including nearly killing my son!”

[Pause!]

[The Alpha pauses and looks at his sheepish son]

[K] “...Boy did you actually steal one of her chickens and eat it?”

[S, so guilty] “No!... Yes.”

[K] “God damnit… You sit there, I’ll deal with the second I’m done with-”.

[SFX: A chainsaw revving]

[The Alpha turns to you, unreadable as he sees you holding a chainsaw]

[K] “...I don’t know what that is you’re holding, but I’m going to go ahead and guess you aim to use it to kill me.”

[SFX: The chainsaw hacking through wood]

[You stare him down and saw through one of the spare bits of firewood you have stocked. He watches this, still unreadable before he sighs and cracks his neck]

[K] “Alright then. Let’s see if you can handle me when I’m really trying!”

[SFX: More struggling, chainsaw revs, and general grunts of pain]

[S] “Da! Let’s just go, w-we should just go, you’re bleeding!”

[K, with a snarl] “BLEEDING IS THE MARK OF A GOOD FIGHT! But if you could yank this feral fucking lizard off of my leg, that’d be GREAT!”

[S] “O-OK!”

[The boy hurries to his father and tries yanking Brutus, your very angry alligator, off]

[SFX: Struggling/gator hissing]

[S] “Ow ow ow, now it’s coming after me!”

[K] “Rrgh, just try and let it chase you, boy! Damned thing can’t be that fast!”

[S] “A-Alright!”

[SFX: Angry gator chasing]

[Pause!]

[S] “WHY CAN IT RUN THAT FAST ON THOSE STUBBY LEGS?!”

[K] “Rrrr, damnit, boy! I’m trying my best to put this hellion down, can you PLEASE try and grow a pair! Hrr, I’ll give you this, human, you’ve got the spirit of a feral werewolf raging inside of you! It’d almost be attractive if you weren’t so damned-!”

[SFX: A cast iron pot connecting with a werewolf skull]

[The Alpha is greeted by you swinging your old cast iron pot right into his temple]

[K] “HRGH! G-Guhh… Wuhbuh…? Why pot hit head???”

[S] “Da! OW! Quit it you confused cat-lizard!”

[SFX: The Alpha slumping to his side]

[The Alpha slumps to his side, eyes spinning]

[K] “Ow, my skull. Where…? Huh…?”

[Pause?]

[K] “...Do I want a drink? Yeah… Yeah, I think I do…”

[SFX: Bottles clinking]

[You sit and have a drink with him for a moment, watching Brutus chase his son around the tree while Chubbs, your mountain lion, yawns nearby]

[K] “So, um… Sorry about your chicken. Given how fat that mountain lion is, and your stubby little lizard, I’m guessing critters are important to you. What the Hell is that thing, anyway?”

[Pause]

[K] “Brutus the alligator? Huh… and the mountain lion is ‘Chubbs’? Hehe, yeah. Makes sense.”

[...]

[K] “Bishop’s a good boy, but he’s dumb as Hell. If I can find another chicken to replace her, I’ll bring it here.”

[Pause]

[K] “Huh. I appreciate you talking this out, human. You’re fucking crazy, though.”

[Pause]

[He snorts, rubbing his head]

[K] “Mmh. I’ll tell the pack not to come here unless they want the shit scared out of them. I, um…”

[SFX: The Listener standing and retrieving her flamethrower]

[K] “...so are you single, or…?”

[SFX: The flamethrower clicking on and hissing]

[K] “Flame thingy is back on, understood… We’ll get off your property. Boy! Climb out of that godamned tree and let’s go while we still got fur to keep us warm!”

[SFX: Brutus hissing and waddling on back]

[You pat Brutus on the head as he returns and toss him a fish while the young werewolf sheepishly climbs down]

[S] “Yes, sir… S-Sorry about your chicken. Ma’am.”

[Pause]

[K] “Have a good night, ma’am.”

[The two turn and head off, limping a bit. Before they completely vanish from your sight, you hear the son ask:]

[S] “So, um… was she single?”

[SFX: A back of the head smack]

[S] “Owww…”

[K] “Show some respect, boy… Sides. I saw her first.”

[SFX: Them vanishing into the forest]

[The End???]

Note: Sometimes, ideas pop into my head that, no matter how silly or impractical, I simply have to write them. This is one of those.