Context: Listen, one does not get a date in Antarctica, you know? You're a researcher, there to study your little tuxedo buddies. No time for romance. You have to worry about the wildlife and documenting their mysteries. And the large shadow you've been seeing in the water the last few days.

Setting: Antarctica

Tags:[AM4A][Unhinged Yandere Selkie Speaker][Researcher Listener][Batshit Insane Speaker]to[Oddly Nonchalant][Flirting][Scritches/Pats][Danger Boi][Seal Boi][Mistaken Merman][Possessive][Kind of Cute?][Massive Lad][It's a Date?][Kisses][CW: Penguin Hunting/Mentions of Violence]

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***

[Italics] = A researcher friend on the radio. They're never going to believe you.

All unmarked text is the Selkie

***

[Scene opens deep within the Arctic]

[SFX: Arctic winds and a radio crackling]

[You are working out at your post deep within Antarctica, trying to observe the local penguins when your radio crackles]

Research 1, come in, over?

[Pause]

Advise on status? We’ve been seeing some large pings on the sonar, over.

[Pause]

The penguins seem a little restless and you’ve heard some heavy bumps under the ice? Meh, probably a leopard seal. They’re solitary but absolutely ruthless when it comes to hunting. I’d say they’re harmless to humans, but one did drown a human years ago… Be careful, is what I’m saying, I guess. Just don’t get in its way if it does decide to pop up on land, over.

[Pause]

Confirmed. Report back on the hour, over and out.

[Pause]

[SFX: The radio clicking off and a very mild amount of rumbling]

[As you turn your radio off, you hear a light rumbling from under the ice]

[...?]

[SFX: The penguins wobbling as fast as they can and a loud splash]

“GRARGH! I’M COMIN’ FOR YA, YOU TUXEDO-WEARING SNACKS!”

[A very large figure leaps from the water. You see a man’s upper half and, for a second, you swear he has some kind of merman tail]

[SFX: Ice cracking and the Speaker letting out an insane laugh]

“Gahahaha! Ohh, no you don’t! You guys are my afternoon snack and you really make yourselves stringy when you run! Gleeheeheehee, c’mere, C’MERE!”

[He lands belly-first on the ice a few feet in front of you. He does appear to be an odd-looking merman as his tail rises and slams, over and over]

[SFX: Claws scraping through ice and tail slams]

“Ksss, c’mere widdle babies…! You’re trapped on the ice herrreee… Don’t make me have to fully take off my skin so I can chase you with my little human leggies!”

[Pause]

[He whips around as you clear your throat, eyes wild and almost completely black]

“NRRAGH! Who trespasses on MY hunting grounds?! Who…”

[Without warning, his tone because completely nonchalant]

“Ooh, and… who are you, my dear?”

[...]

“Haha, of course. One moment, let me make myself look a bit more like you.”

[SFX: The Speaker grunting in effort as he takes off his selkie skin fully and then stands]

“Ahh, brisk! Soooo, what’s your name? What’s your star sign? Light roast, dark roast? Ooh, any shows you’ve been binging? How do you feel about free-form jazz?”

[...]

“...What?”

[...]

“...OH, I’M NUDE!”

[He facepalms, laughing jovially]

“Ohh, silly me. Hang on, let me wrap my skin around my waist. There we are. So, yeah, sup? You come here often? Are you a fan of board games?”

[Pause]

“Ohhh! You’re one of the researchers, sure, sure. Waiiit, let me get a good sniff of you…”

[He approaches and it hits you that he is a big lad. He sniffs away while you try and subtly jot down observations]

“Mmh… Oooh, I know you. Ohh, yes I do.”

[Pause?]

“How?”

[He smiles a very toothy, mischievous smile]

“I recognize your scent, now… You’re the one that smells… ‘soft’. Like warmth. And color.”

[Pause?]

“Lotion…? That smells of… marigolds?”

[Pause]

[He sniffs you again, slower this time]

“Marigolds…”

[...?]

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I’m drooling a little. You smell like meat, too, which, you know, is hot, but rude of me to assume you want to be… you know…”

[SFX: Him doing a few mock bites]

“Homf homf, farewell Marigold, I hardly knew ye. Heh… What were you asking?”

[Pause?]

“No, that’s not a rude question. What am I… Short answer, a selkie. Long answer, guy whose villain origin story was that he got turned into a leopard seal but can sometimes not be a leopard seal provided he’ll shed said skin and NOT feel grossed out by the process. Skin on, seal on. Skin off, buh… something that makes that a clever rhyme.”

[SFX: The Listener taking notes]

“So, this is weird but, like… you’re really cute.”

[Pause]

[You don’t think about it, you just default to normal introvert banter:]

“Ooh? ‘You too’, they say, rrrr… Prove it.”

[Pause??]

“Treat me like I’m a cute widdle baby. Widdle seal baby. I wanna feel cute!”

[He smiles at you expectantly. You’re probably going to die]

[Pause]

“Lean down? Oh, right, pfahhhh, short. OK, now whaaahajortytkilo….”

[His eyes flutter as you reach up and cautiously scritch under his chin and then behind his ears]

“Arlkerbkl stop what are you doing to meeeee… Scratching around my chin and ears, aaaggh, this isn’t fair!”

[Pause]

[He lets out an adorable gasp]

“I’m good boy???”

[Pause]

“I’m handsome boy????”

[Pause!]

[He rumbles with little odd seal purrs and man grumbles aka mrumbles]

“Ohh, that’s nice… I was so fucking livid there for a second that my meal got interrupted but now I feel completely at peace…”

[SFX: The Speaker just collapsing to the ground]

“Ahhh, the comfort of piercing, merciless ice. Just gonna lie on down for the scritching… Hmhm. Hey, human? Sorry if I frightened you. With my kind, we’re a lot more feral in water than we are on land. The mood doesn’t instantly change either. We can feel calm and rational in the ocean for a bit, and we can feel violent and predatory on land for a bit. Think I’m still in the transition.”

[Pause]

“Thanks. Super cute. I just want to pick you up like a doll! Maybe squeeze you a little to see what cute noises you’d make. Oh! I could take you into the water with me and toss you around, bite you a little, it’ll be grand!”

[...]

“Hmhm, true… It might kill you… and I wouldn’t want that.”

[He smiles again, all teeth and wild-eyed]

“You do look like a snack though… but you’re smart. Not like…”

[He turns his head slowly to look at the penguins that have just been sort of watching this]

[Pause]

“...Really, boys? Stayed around to watch my flirt game, did you?”

[SFX: Sheepish penguin squawks]

“Hehe, oh… I’m going to make you pay dearly for that. Sorry about them. Gets terribly boring down here in the Arctic, guess they’re a little entertainment starved. Why not watch a nine-foot-tall selkie boy get shot down?”

[Pause…]

[He leans down, whispering:]

“Hey, could you, like, kiss me on the cheek so they think I didn’t get shot down? I’d be super grateful.”

[...]

[SFX: A smooch]

[He lets out more happy grumbles as you kiss him on the cheek]

“Thanks, human! Look forward to our totally real, legit date in three days, meet you here!”

[He turns back toward the penguins before you can respond]

“Hehehe… now you boys are gonna get chewed up by a man with a DATE! RUN LITTLE TUXEDOS, RUN!!!”

[SFX: Penguin panic, the Speaker laughing like a mad person, and another splash after his last line]

“GLEEHEEHEE, TIME TO EAT! Bye human, love you! Don’t stand me up, OK? I know where you live <3”.

[With that, he’s back in his skin and racing into the water after his prey]

[...]

[...you guess you have a date, now]

[To be continued]

Note: I love leopard seals but they are pure nightmare ;’3 And, yes, they really are about nine feet in total. Congrats, this boy is the second-tallest boi to ever boi in one of my series.

Second note: He’s an Aries, calm down Pisces, or Cancers /s