IDK what's going on here man. I live in the North of the US and the geese are flying north in January? Geese are chaotic and terrifying and I love them as much as I hate them. So I wrote this. Its weird and memey but whatevs. Good to monetize and modify! And as always I love feedback!

Want more of this "Quality" "Writing"? Swing by my Ko-Fi! :https://ko-fi.com/timeraft (Commissions are open! and also if you've used a few of my scripts you have a free commission you can cash in whenever you like! Just don't hold me to a time table lol. Plus if you commission me I'm not going to be filling this sub with the ideas that are whispered to me by the voices that haunt my worm infested brain.)

Archive!: https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/x9hb9v/script_archive/

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Dialogue in plain text

Context in italics

SFX in bold

Context that changes the audio in bold italics

Speaker is a goosegirl/boy. Listener is a cashier at a liquor store. The goose person is a chaotic supervillain on the run from the cops. Its gonna be a bad day

Store door opens

Hello there! Lovely store you got here. Love the neon sign, and the Jukebox. You’ve got a real “place that gets robbed in a 70’s car chase movie” vibes. I’m really digging it.

Yeah yeah I saw the no Geese sign out there. That's why I picked this place. That sign’s not your idea right?

Ok good. Anyways let me just reach into my bag and pull out my sledgehammer

Listener asks why they have a sledgehammer.

What oh this old thing? I need to break that fake bulletproof glass so I can steal all your stuff.

Glass breaks

Gun cocks

Alright buster brown gimme some of that Mezcal.

Glug glug glug (Authors note: Please don't make this sound effect with actual mezcal)

Oh yeahhhh that hits the spot right there. Can you believe your cheapo boss would put you behind a pane of fake bulletproof glass? I mean seriously what a jerk move. I think you can do better than this place personally, you seem pretty professional.

Want some?

Police sirens

Oh yeahhhh the cops are after me.

Apparently you can't just walk into a jewelry store and take all the shiny stuff or something. It was news to me, but hey. And then they got mad when I stabbed that guy and flew away. Because apparently that's illegal too. How do you humans keep up with all these laws?

You know everything was fine before you humans showed up by the way!

I mean one day I go south for the winter and then come back and you’ve built a city here. And now all the sudden wanton destruction and chaos is against the “law” and all the stuff I liked doing was “crime” and “immoral” and when I beat that guy up for telling me all this it was “assault” So they sent me to "Prison" where I learned how to do "Air Quotes"

What was I talking about? Oh right, the police.

Ok ok so get this.

I was running from the cops right? and I was thinking. You know what would be great? A hostage!

You busy right now? No? Great!

Anyways hold still

Struggle sounds

Yells out window

You’ll never take me alive!! I got a hostage! One wrong move and this schnook gets it!

Wooo!

Fires into the air

Oh my god I am having such a good time right now. This is the stuff I live for yo.

Hey you got any grapes? No?

Why are you shaking?

Oh relaxxxxxxxxxx they're probably not gonna do anything that’ll make me shoot you. And hey if they do, well we all gotta die someday right?

Oh stop whining! You’re bringing me downnnnn!

Awwww are you crying? here I got some tissues in my bag.

Bag shuffling

Praying to your god? Hate to break it to you buddy, but

I’m not listening.

Geese gotta Goose y’know? This is the kind of life I want to live and I’m honestly so happy to be here right now. Spreading chaos and being a total piece of trash, that's just who I am.

Anyways I got a plan to get us outta here. A really good plan.

Reach into my bag there and hand me that dynamite.

Oh yeah I got a permit for that! A permit from the department of I can do whatever the hell I want!

Don't play with me. If you want out of here in one chunk. You will do. What I say. Understood?

Excellent. Dynamite please.

This sleazy ass town used to have a subway system until that Pontiac dealer got onto the city council back in the 80s. So now there's just a bunch of tunnels under the city nobody’s using. One of which just happens to go under this lovely little store of yours.

So I'm gonna blow a hole in the floor and well I think you can connect the dots.

They light the fuse

Wait for it

Fuse sounds

Waitttttt for it

Fuse Sounds

Wait for it!!!!!!!

FUSE SOUNDS!!!!!!

Now! Get down!

BANG!!!!!!!

GO GO GO!!

Building collapse sounds

Excited shouting

Holy Toledo Batman, that was the greatest moment of my life! Oh shit are you dead?

No? Ok good! Let's go!

Train noises

Wait a minute I thought the subway was closed down

-30-

This next part is sort of like a PSA. Voiced by “you” the speaker

Hey there gang it's me [name]! We’ve had a lot of fun here today but I want to take a minute and talk to you about something that's not fun: Stereotypes. Too many people see geese as irredeemable anarchic demons, but that's not true in the slightest. Geese are wonderful majestic creatures with an underserved reputation for cruelty and meanness.

In fact they feel very hurt everytime you make a meme about them. I recommend going out and feeding them to apologize. Don't use bread, because that puts them at risk of metabolic bone disease. Instead use grains like oatmeal or corn, they also like diced grapes! So go out and find your nearest goose and apologize to them

Pause

Go out and find the nearest goose. Note their majestic wings and angelic long necks, their perfect avian symmetry. Once you truly see a goose all else will look hideous in your eyes.

You should prostrate yourself. Kneel before the goose. Respect the goose. Worship the goose.

I see you there. Yes you, you with the silly profile pic. I bet you just made a comment, some memey comment that references something. Some silly thing you like. Did you think it was funny? Do you think you’re clever?

The Geese aren't laughing. They are not amused. They never saw JoJo’s bizarre adventure, or the Star Wars prequels. The only jokes they understand are pain and suffering.

Why aren't you worshiping the goose? Do you think you’ll be spared? I’m trying to help you, but if you refuse to worship the goose I’m not responsible for what happens next.

Go down into the comments and type “Worship the goose”

Go on

I want. To see you. Type it

Worship the goose

WORSHIP THE GOOSE

Pause

Speaker is being held hostage by a goose

Ok I recorded it! I recorded the PSA!

Are you happy? Are you happy you filthy trash birds! Let me go!

This is what you wanted right? What you asked for!

Goose sounds

No no please! I’m sorry! I didn't mean it!

No no no!

Goose related mayhem noises