Context: You are the greatest secretary that has ever been. No one will best you, not now, not EVER! Not even stupid Pamela... No. You're going to do the one thing she never could. You're going to bring down a mob boss. Why? Because you are the BEST.

Setting: Ray Luciano's home

Tags: [MM4F][Mobster Speakers][Vampire Neko Secretary Listener][Sneaky Sneaky][Mostly Comedy][Flirting?]['Fighting' Over the Listener][The Very Best][Betrayal?][Competitive][Boss x Secretary][CW: Fighting/Betrayal]

Usage: You may tweak or record this script. Gender flipping is OK! Please credit me if you use this script in any of your projects. If you would like to use this script for a paywalled recording, please note:

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***

[N] = Neil

[R] = Ray

***

[Scene opens outside of a nice office building]

[SFX: A car pulling up]

[N] I’ve heard this new secretary of his is easy enough to get by. If that’s the case, then taking out Ray here is gonna be real easy. Right, I’m pulling up. Chat later.

[SFX: The call ending]

[You look up and see a well-dressed man walking in]

[Pause]

[N] “Good morning to you as well, my dear. I’m here to see Mr. Luciano at 11 AM, as requested.”

[SFX: Typing]

[N] “Ah good, he’ll be out shortly. Lovely… Say, I didn’t notice at first, but you have some lovely coloring on your ears. I hope that’s alright to say, we don’t really see a lot of Nekos on my side of the city.”

[Pause]

[N] “Ohh, it’s a bit odd looking because you’re a mixed breed? Fair enough, don’t gotta go into details. So, you’re Mr. Luciano’s new secretary, huh?”

[Pause]

[N] “Nice, nice. He treating you good? He ran ol’ Tammy up the wall, hehe.”

[Pause]

[N] “Ooh… ‘Tammy was weak’, huh? Damn. I knew she was a bit bratty but nice to see you’re, a, raring to go…”

[Pause]

[N] “Uh… A confirmation code? I wasn’t told anything about a confirmation code when I set up this meeting…”

[Pause]

[N] “Erm… I can check my phone, but I don’t think I received confirmation there either… Look, is this going to take a long time? I doubt Ray wants to be kept waiting. We’re old friends.”

[Pause?]

[N] “...am I the Neil he has under ‘ratface Neil’ or ‘absolutely going to punch in the face, Neil’? Uhh… Well, that’s just rude, sheesh. I think I’ll take ‘punch in the face’. At least that way it’s my naturally handsome face and not a ratface.”

[SFX: Typing]

[N] “You have a lot of moxy, my dear, I’ll give you that. Been a long time since someone asked me if I was a rat-faced son of a bitch with a stern look like that. Kind of reminds me of growing up under Nuns, not gonna lie. But, c’mon, we both know this’ll go easier if you just let me in. That way, I’ll be out of your hair, and you can relax, alright?”

[Pause]

[N] “...you’re awfully stubborn for someone playing lap kitty to a mob Don, sweetheart. You know that old Ray isn’t going to come swooping in to protect you if you’re making too much trouble for the long person. What are you gonna do if I start causing problems, hmm? What then, little lady?”

[Pause]

[N] “Call Ray. Now.”

[SFX: A gun being drawn]

[The man holds a gun on you, glaring down the barrel]

[...]

[N] “Listen, kitty… You’re gonna call Ray, he’s going to come out here, and I’m going to lodge a bullet right between that gap in his teeth, do you fucking understand me?!”

[ :/ ]

[N] “Last chance, Kitty!”

[ >:( ]

[N] “I said last ch-!”

[SFX: A long bout of Neil getting bitchskipped around the office]

[You take him around the park. Or, office, rather, for a decent amount of time. At least until he’s on the ground, able to do little else besides gurgle weakly]

[!!!]

[N, groaning] “Nngh… m-my ribs… I needed those f-for… swallowing…”

[SFX: An office door opening]

[Ray meanders out with his cup of coffee and blearily looks out on the carnage]

[R] “... Banshee, it’s not even noon yet… Put the kitty claws away and the vamp fangs even more away.”

[Neil groans weakly from the ground, blood flecking from his lips]

[N] “F-Fucking Hell… How much is he paying you, huh? I’ll triple it. No, quadruple it! I need that hellcat energy on my side.”

[Pause]

[R] “Pfft, Banshee is happily committed to being my secretary, thank you. And my hellcat. Aren’t you sweetie? Mmhm, come here.”

[He kisses your cheek a few times and chuckles as you hiss in response]

[R] “Aw, c’mon, baby…”

[N] “‘Baby’? Wait, really? Sweetheart! C’mon, Ray’s way too old and out of shape for you. Don’t you want someone in better shape? Someone actually attractive.”

[R, scoffing] “Bitch, where?”

[Pause]

[R] “Alright, alright… C’mon, Neil. We can still have our little chit-chat about your disrespect.”

[SFX: Neil groaning and standing]

[N] “H-Huh? That call was to an insider, there shouldn’t even be a legit meeting!”

[R, with a laugh] “Pfft, who do you think you were calling, Neil? Good girl, Banshee. Here. Your reward.”

[SFX: A gift being given and eagerly opened]

[Pause!!]

[R] “Heh, yep. Another ‘World’s Greatest Secretary’ coffee mug. This one in a very obnoxious Halloween theme with lots of glitter. You earned it, babe. You’re the best.”

[<3 <3 <3]

[N] “...You got a vampire Neko to fight like a trained mercenary on your behalf by making her… employee of the month?”

[Pause!]

[R, with a shrug of his shoulders] “She’s very competitive, what can I say? Let me go get my office ready and we’ll decide what to do with your head. I was thinking of mounting it, but, meh, I’m open. Wait right there, Neil, like a good boy.”

[SFX: Ray shuffling off and closing his office door behind him]

[Pause]

[Neil struggles for a moment or two before he gets your attention:]

[N] “Psst, hey, Neko.”

[...]

[N] “I know you’re the world’s greatest secretary and all, but there are bigger things to shoot for out there… Like… ‘world’s greatest chef’, ‘world’s greatest lover’... How’s about the world’s greatest mafia wife, huh?”

[...]

[N] “Oh, it’s real… Look.”

[SFX: Phone typing]

[He shows you his slightly damaged phone and, indeed, there is a mug for the world’s greatest mafia wife]

[Pause!!!]

[N] “See? We can totally make that happen… if you’re willing to break me out of here…”

[...]

[N] “Baby, Ray can’t take you to the top, he’s a couch potato of a Don! Not me. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get you to the top. I just need your loyalty… That sound OK?”

[...]

[SFX: Claws slicing through rope]

[N, laughing] “Thatta girl! C’mon, let’s go and get you that mug!”

[Together, you both flee the scene, though you hold on to your mug. That’s your mug. Yours.]

[To be continued?]

Note: I am just rtthrertyu, this is my application to not for the rest of eternity, thanks. I can do no better than this masterpiece, I have peaked. Recycle my body to the gulls~