I’m a 19 yo male. Since an early age, I knew something was off about me and I didn’t really know what. I realized I was bisexual in elementary school. Kept it from my family because I did not want them to look at me and picture me with another boy. Religion played a huge role in my anxiety and emotional health because my entire life I’ve been told I’ll burn in hell for all eternity and I cry just thinking about it. I just turned 19 and I am dealing with some heavy depression and drug abuse. I wrote this because I thought about jumping out of my window yesterday and this feels cathartic in some sense. I’m a good person. I don’t lie often if at all. Stealing isn’t my thing and I have never killed anybody. But, I can’t control who I’m attracted to and I would do anything to just be straight and not live with the knowledge of my “impending doom” all because of something as harmless as attraction. Sorry if this is long. Even if nobody reads this, I feel pretty fuckin good writing it down lol.

The story is so much deeper and darker but I refuse to make this read too long. But just to name a few things, I feel like I’ve been watched by a single demon my entire life, my sexuality may be a result of possible assault as a child and quite a lot more. Thanks again for reading if anyone did. Religion has broken me from the inside out and I hope that one day it is resolved in whichever way seems fit.

Edit (1): Woah. Wtf. More people read this than I thought lol. Thank you for all of the support. I do want to state somethings not mentioned before that may clarify my story a bit.

• I told my parents last year and my friends have known for a looong time before they did. I never had anyone outright unsupportive, and quite frankly it’s not mentioned much if at all. I never felt this way because anyone made me feel this way, it was always because of me. I’m my worst enemy 100% I can just block negative people away from me, which I have, but I can’t get away from ..... myself.

• Born and raised in NY. My parents separated when I was about three and neither of them are religious. Actually, they never forced religion into me. I went to church and got baptized once. My mom made me read a children’s bible like twice if that counts. My parents are amazing and I love them with every part of me. Same for my friends and few relatives that I’ve told personally.

• I knew the basics of Christianity, knowing that homosexuality was one of the sins deemed an abomination really scared the hell out of me. No pun intended lol.

If I see anymore info that should be stated I’ll do a second edit.

Edit (2): I did not come onto reddit for pity or validation lol. I enjoyed the cathartic experience of telling my story to people without them knowing who exactly I was. I expected it to maybe get two upvotes and float away into the internet abyss but the support has been insane and I appreciate it more than you guys think.

Someone said that I don’t write like how a typical New York person speaks and yeah, I just know how to speak a bit more professionally when it’s appropriate lol. But I am just your average teenage black boy in NY lol.