Tl:dr, This is the autobiographical timeline of a pathetic and depressed person that's expecting to die soon. Feel free to ask any questions about me, depression in general, etc. If I have to move or delete this post, I will. I don't care. I do apologize if the pacing or my way of speaking/writing is a little off.

Okay.... Disclaimer out of the way.

I dont know if this is an okay place to put this. I've had a slew of things happening to me in my life, I reached a breaking point where I just can't handle it anymore. So, I'd like to list out life events to process stuff.. Because... Well... my health isn't good right now. So I guess I'd like it to be a memoir to myself.

Feel free to ask about anything, or give your opinions on anything, or tell me to move this post anywhere, or to delete it. Feel free to do... Whatever suits you.

Here is the first part of my life's timeline.

From birth to 12:

• Born in San Francisco, to a dysfunctional family

• Father abused me as a kid, first memory is being beaten by him

• Mother neglected me, but it was because she was being abused by our family and focused on her. She coped by ignoring... Everything

• Mother left father for abuse, but also after finding a stack of hundreds of phone numbers of women he slept with

• Grandmother died of cervical cancer around the holidays, there was a brief moment of unity in our family... And then it ended

• Some family members scorned us , because they were fighting for my grandfathers inheritance. My grandparents had 7 kids. 3 of them really wanted the money.

• Some relatives physically harmed / try to kill me (some minor beatings and strangling)

• Good relatives died of cancer, some died of heart problems

• My mother was unable to afford to take care of us, we had to beg some relatives to let us stay there for some time. Bad call, as some were dealing with drug problems, others directly treated us bad

• I had 1 friend, who wasn't always there. Most people bullied me for looking weird and took my stuff and food.

• I was severely malnourished, couldn't even do a single push up or exercise well.

• Mother was severely injured and paralyzed from a neck and spine injury for some time.

• Around age 12, Moved to San Diego to stay with my middle brother (14 years older than me) until things settled down, as I was exhibiting problem/bitter behavior and failing all of my classes.

Age 12 to 13

• I finished 8th grade in San Diego at a "dangerous and ghetto" middle school called El Cajon valley. It was super nice, some people treated me like a human.

• I got my first semblance of human kindness

• I dealt with my sister-in-law, that was pregnant and yelled at me for fun.

• My grades improved, to all A's and a B.

• I made decent friends, even with some kids that bullied me initially because they said I was too nice. I had never felt that good.

• Things settled, and my mom and I were going to move back with grandfather at Christmas

• Grandfather died 2 days after Christmas. I get separated from my mom, but come back to San Diego with my brother.

• Mother goes to live with my sister and her husband, both in the military. They lock her in a room for 2.5 years with no contact to the outside world and don't let her leave the room (5 witnesses can testify). She gains 150 pounds, is diagnosed with schizophrenia from the stress, and kind of dies mentally for some time.

Note: there's some present tense here, sorry.. I was reliving it

Age 14 - 15

• My brother's wife gives birth, it's a good celebration.

• My neighbors invite me to church, and I begin to go weekly, despite being somewhat doubtful.

• After some time passes, I visit my sister with my brother. My mom looks... Terrible. She was mostly unresponsive, couldn't even speak, didn't seem to recognize people. Her eyes look dead.

• I make eye contact with my mom, and a brief light appears in her eyes, before she starts weeping. She grabs me and hugs me whole crying. She smells terrible. I don't know how to respond, but this sinking feeling begins to hang over my heart.

• We have to leave without her, and I feel really guilty. My brother can't afford to take her at this time.

• Time goes by, and my father and I kind of patch things up. He got me and my mom a phone so we can contact each other. She calls me every single day, 3 times a day to retain her sanity.

• Age 15, we visit my sister again for the holidays. With my father's urging, I tell my mom to start packing. I then beg, beg and plead with my brother for him to take our mom with us. He's raised me like my parent.. So he caves, and agrees.

Age 16 - just before 18

• Things gradually improve with my mom. She loses some weight, regains the ability to walk, and slowly starts becoming full of life again. I love her, but still have some issues with how forgiving she is to my sister and some of our family. I've grown to hate them for what they did.

• My baby niece is like my own child. She literally like an angel, and hardly gives any problems after the age of 2. I try hard to be a good person for her and the people I love.

• I take care of my relatives kids, as I have a knack for it. I take care of my neighbors kids (the one's that brought me to church). The mom is super kind and tries to make me feel welcome all the time. I really care about them.

• I make some good friends, with a pretty good inner circle of about 10 close friends, and 50 moderate friends that I hung out with.

• I start seeing this chick. She's childish and kind of mean, but I still like her.

• The girl becomes my first long term girlfriend, and we date for 2 years, right up until the summer after I graduate high school.

• Before graduating, my mom uses her inheritance to buy a condo to live in, and a car. I am forced to go with her, as she packs my stuff in her car and leaves since I'm not 18 just yet. It devastates my brother and my niece.

• After some time, I concede to my mom, because I realize that she's still alone, weakened, and unable to take care of herself. She needs me, so I stay to take care of her.

• Graduation occurs, my girlfriend gets mad because she's hungry, and insults me. One of my friends tries to flirt with her. Little do I know, she fucks him in a park.

• My girlfriend leaves me. She wants to be free as a bird, so to speak, because our 3 times/day sex sessions weren't exciting enough for her anymore. She sends nudes to, and fucks all of my male friends except one. ALL. OF. THEM.

• She had sort of closed me off of my female friends, so I basically lose all my friends.

Age 18

• My father gets impaled by a lead pipe at work. Straight though a lung. The doctors manage to save him, but the lung gets infected, and the treatment isn't getting rid of the infection. They don't know how long he has. I fly over to his home in San Mateo, and he tells me that he'll need a breathing machine for the rest of his life. His girlfriend takes care of him, which helps, because I have no one to take care of my mom. But I don't know what to do. I can't do anything to fix this

• I miss a college placement test deadline, because someone steals my wallet (with id), so I miss my first semester of college. I do not handle it well. I become extremely angry when I'm walking through am empty park trail, and I scream as loud as I can. Over and over again, which isn't that much. I feel pretty pathetic

• My first birthday happens after this slew of events, and I feel really depressed. My mom wants to overdo the celebration, even though I tell her not to, so she decorates her place and buys 5 boxes of pizza for my friends. No one comes. Wait, two people come. One guy comes because Skyrim just came out (like a week before my birthday) and he thinks he can use my disk to download the game. It doesn't work and he leaves. Another guy comes, an acquaintance with a "bro" mentality, and gets pretty comfortable. It kind of helps, but I still cry myself to sleep.

• Christmas comes, and I'm literally just walking to the mall and a park everyday to fight my depression so I dont lay in bed.. Because I have for a while.

• I avoid all family parties at this point. My ex girlfriend basically kept me from going or enjoying them from before, and now I can't go without feeling worse.

• After some time, I begin to hang out with the bro guy every now and then, a few random nice people, and my future two best friends (well... sort of. Present day is... not good).

• Mr. Bro guy is kind of scummy, and a huge womanizer. This kinda turns me off to him and I don't hang around as much. He calls me to hang out with him at a mall though, and uses me as a scapegoat to ditch this girl that rejected his advances. I, still depressed, go with it. I hang out with this chick, we walk around the mall. I look at her at Walmart and I feel... Nothing.

• l make a huge mistake here. I think to myself "God, couldn't I just fall in love with a woman like that?" My wish was heard, and it was granted (albeit in the future)

• I meet her brother, and part ways with them, still thinking nothing of the wish I made, and she gives me her number before she goes. We manage to keep in contact, and I develop a friendship with her over the course if 8ish months. We go on to date for 4 years. It... Sadly, it doesn't have a happy ending. It was good, great actually for some time, but it kind of... I seem to attract the same people

...

Well, this is a good stopping point, I'm an adult at this point, so the rest would probably be in a part 2. It may be shorter because I'm currently 25, or it may be longer if I go into slightly more depth, I dunno. I actually tried to be slightly less descriptive with most things here, but context is pretty important. I dunno, like I said, I'm mainly doing this for myself to just... I guess just to think about things. My health isn't great, and I'm pretty sure most people will forget me when I die. I want to leave something of myself, just to say that I tried, just to show that I tried to exist in some way

Anyways.. If I commit to doing it (hopefully if I'm not harassed for putting my mediocre self out there), I'll continue with the rest of this. Feel free to comment your perspectives, or ask things (for clarification, etc).

There likely won't be many.. Er, any person that gets this far, so I'll probably be able to respond. Again, I can also move this somewhere else, or delete it, or whatever.