I am a 27F and I feel like I have caused a permanent rift in my friend group because of my part in this situation. I moved into an apartment with "Amber" (28F) and "Kate" (23F) who were my best friends at the time. A little background: I’ve known Amber for most of my life. Our moms went to school together and Amber and I also went to that same school. We were always friends, but our closeness ranged from being besties to loving each other from afar for most of our lives. But at this moment in time we had never been closer. We both met Kate a few years prior through mutual friends after she moved from the East coast and we all just clicked and became super close. Kate is still one of my best friends to this day. It just made financial sense to all move in together since our living situations were all up in the air at the time. We moved into a 3B2B and it was peachy for the first few months. This is where the situation started.

Around the 3 month mark, Kate mentioned in passing that her mom would be flying in for a visit in a few months and she wanted her to stay with us. She mentioned we would all have to be mindful that her mom is allergic to cats (Amber has a cat) and that we'd need to figure out how to clean the apartment and what to do with the cat while she was visiting. We all agreed to having her mom stay, but Amber was a little hesitant with what to do with her cat since her cat has major anxiety issues. Her cat was something we made sure to talk about before moving in together and none of us had a problem with her cat living with us. Kate wasn't much of an animal person, but she respected the cat and didn't interact with it much. The topic wasn't brought up again until Kate texted me about it a month later. Added context: Kate has a bit of an issue being up-front with people because of her fear of confrontation, so she texted me asking to help her talk to Amber about moving her cat out of the apartment for a week since it was such a touchy subject for Amber.

This may be where my asshole-ness started. Kate came to me because I knew Amber longer, but I was uncomfortable with this because I feared that I would be made the middle man since Kate has a hard time being assertive and Amber can be a bit emotional when it comes to her cat. My reasoning was that if we were all going to be living together for the rest of the year, that Kate would have to learn to solve her own conflicts. I told Kate that I was uncomfortable with her request and that I would stay out of it, but that Amber was her friend and she shouldn't be scared to talk to her. I also mentioned that it might be a better experience for her mom to stay somewhere else since removing the cat wouldn't get rid of the hair or dander no matter how hard we cleaned, and that I could help find a cheap place closeby for her mom to stay more comfortably. I wasn’t expecting my response to cause things to blow up.

Kate responded back calling me a bad friend for not wanting to help her and that she was disappointed in my unwillingness to help. That same day, I was home with Amber when she got a long text from Kate who told her off for not being willing to accommodate her mom’s allergy and for also being a bad friend. This took Amber by surprise since it had been over a month since the topic was brought up, and it of course upset her. I stood my ground in wanting to stay out of it especially after how Kate reacted, so I didn’t say much other than to tell Amber that they should wait to talk it out in person. But, when Kate got home, she ignored Amber and worked late everyday to avoid being home. Amber eventually relented and left with her cat to stay with her parents without saying a word to Kate. A few days later Kate decided she was ready to talk, but now Amber was gone and unwilling to talk. They both exchanged nasty texts back and forth.

This continued for a couple weeks and my request to stay out of it was ignored. I felt forced into it and talked to them both separately, reiterating how important it was that they talk in person and desperately tried to remain neutral. I didn’t agree with how Kate responded and because Amber felt so attacked out of nowhere, she was refusing to talk too which was also frustrating since it made the situation worse. I was upset that what I feared became a reality and I was also dealing with some personal health issues at the time that I had been overshadowed by the fight. So my stress was at an all time high and I just wanted to distance myself since Kate was ignoring me too while I was at home. I went to stay with my parents too to avoid the hostility from Kate.

Since I was forced into being in the middle, I got both perspectives and saw how skewed each viewpoint was. I knew that if they both had gotten over their pettiness and talked in person, then this situation could’ve been resolved. The fight was weeks of Kate refusing to talk when Amber reached out, and then when Kate finally wanted to talk, Amber was over it and didn’t want to talk anymore. I couldn’t shake the thought of if I just got over myself and helped Kate when she asked, that none of this would have happened. I vented to a few other friends about the situation and was berated for being an asshole and not helping Kate from the start since I lived with both of them and knew Amber for longer. They said that me being in the middle was unavoidable and I should've just leaned into it. Amber moved out a month after the situation blew up and left us without a roommate and high rent bill. To this day, Amber and Kate are no longer friends, though I forgave them both and have a pretty good relationship with them and we're still friends.

I miss what used to be but know that it is what it is at this point, but maybe you can shed some perspective on this and tell me as an outsider if this was this my fault?