Hey Reddit! this feels super weird to type out, but I’ve been reading a lot here lately and really need some perspective. I (24F) just got engaged to my fiancé “James” (35M), who I’ve known since I was 17.

A bit of background: we met through family friends. His mom and mine are super close, so he was around a lot growing up. At the time, I thought he was just this cool older guy – he was 28, I was 17, and I honestly thought I was just lucky to be around someone as “mature” as him.

He used to tease me a lot back then, saying things like, “You’re just a kid,” or, “Maybe when you grow up, you’ll know how to keep up with me.” That kind of stuff. My parents used to laugh it off, thinking it was funny, but I guess it really stuck with me. I always felt like I had to prove myself to him, and it didn’t change much when we started dating for real when I was 20. He’s got this way of making you feel like you’re lucky he’s giving you attention, you know?

At first, he was super charming. He’d buy me gifts, take me out, and he even got me into drinking. I’d never really been into alcohol before, but he’d make fun of me if I didn’t drink with him. He’d say stuff like, “Come on, are you really that innocent?” or, “Stop acting like a little girl.” One night, I got really drunk and things went further than I’d planned. I wanted to talk about it afterward, but he brushed it off, saying I was “just playing hard to get.” That situation partly made me second guess our relationship for a while, since I'd never seen myself as the type of girl who'd do things like that. I felt kind of disgusted and honestly unsettled after that experience, but, I didn't want to bother him anymore, so I decided to not say anything else.

Whenever I'm upset though, I always make it a point to talk it out with my mom so I get a second perspective. And she admitted that she always felt off about our relationship from the start, but she never wanted to judge my choices. That sent even more alarms off in my head, but when I asked him about it, he said "Yeah, it's normal for girls like you to feel like that about your first relationship. If you're trying to start an argument again, I'm not interested." And I.... Stayed quiet too.

Now, fast forward to last month, and he proposed. It wasn’t super romantic – we were on a weekend trip with some friends, and he just kind of did it over dinner. I was honestly surprised, but I said yes because… I don’t know, I thought this is what we both wanted? I was really excited and started talking about wedding plans, but as soon as I did, he started acting weird.

I brought up looking at venues, and he straight-up laughed. He said I was being “overly dramatic” and that there’s “no need to go overboard.” When I mentioned a guest list, he told me I was “jumping the gun” and even called me “clingy.” It stung, but I tried to brush it off. I thought maybe he just needed time to warm up to the idea, but every time I mention anything about the wedding, he just shuts me down or changes the subject.

Last week, I got emotional about it, and he actually said I have “anger issues” for getting so worked up. He even joked that maybe I should “cool it with the wedding planning” and think about “working on myself first.” I’m starting to feel like maybe he proposed because he felt pressured, or like I’ve done something wrong by even talking about a future together.

I guess what really threw me was something he said the other night. I was talking about how I was thinking of inviting my cousin to help me look at dresses, and he just kind of laughed again and said, “Maybe you should make sure you don’t look too… desperate.” I asked him what he meant, and he told me I’m “trying too hard” to be a perfect fiancée. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean, but it just made me feel awful.

I’m so confused. I keep wondering if I did something to make him think I forced him into this, or if I’m wrong for even wanting to plan a wedding in the first place. I’m starting to feel like I should just drop it all and let him handle it when he’s ready, but my family’s excited, and I am too.

So, AITA for wanting to talk about the wedding when he doesn’t seem into it, or should I just leave it alone?

(Btw, if you think you've seen this post before, you have. It got taken down on AITA, so I decided to repost here. I read through your comments, and I've realized that this situation looked much bigger to you, than it looks to me at first. I'll try to talk to my Fiance about this.)