I (28F) have been with (47M) for close to 4 years. To start off, we met as adults so no the age gap isn’t weird (because I know some people might say age gap is a problem.. and it’s not mostly).

When we met I really thought it would be my “forever”. He was sweet, romantic, thoughtful, etc. Basically every woman’s dream man. But as relationships tend to happen it slowly got worse. He’s not a bad guy per se, I’ve had a lot of physically abusive relationships and this is not one. He has a lot of trauma that he hasn’t dealt with and over time I’ve noticed it has had a big impact on our relationship. He is overprotective, insecure, basically refuses to do any real work on himself. The romance slipped away, he used to bring me lunch to work, buy me flowers & gifts randomly, etc.. that has all gone away. I feel as though he hardly pays attention to me unless we are talking about things that need to be done or if he wants smex.

For most of the relationship I have been the one better off financially. He has a lot of old debts he’s paying off and spousal support to an ex-wife (who seems to try to take him back to court practically once a year). Through all of his struggles, I have been a huge support emotionally and financially. I helped him pay off a car, work on his credit, pay down credit cards and debts when he was unemployed in the past, etc. Whenever I go through a financial bump, I almost have to beg him to help pay down some of my things (really only a credit card and a car note). He says he will one day, then if I don’t badger him he won’t mention it again. I’ve also paid for all of our vacations, most of our dates, shopping trips, and basically any fun activities. He doesn’t plan anything or try to take me on dates anymore. I think he’s planned and paid for 1 date in the last 2 or so years. Everything we’ve done has been my planning and out of my pocket.

This is obviously just a summary of how our relationship has gone. Overall, he’s a very chill, pretty nice, laid back guy. But I keep asking myself… is this what I want to deal with for the rest of my life? I’ve already been divorced once and I don’t really mind being alone for possibly the rest of my life. I just feel as though this won’t end without some big dramatic event, because he cannot take any constructive criticism and every time I’ve tried to let him go he comes back within a few hours. I think I’ve made him too comfortable with being “his mother” and I don’t want kids and I definitely don’t want to parent a grown man for the rest of my life.

Any advice or outside perspective would be greatly appreciated. I’ve been in worse situations with worse people and survived. I just feel trapped in this one.

AITA for wanting more out of life than a mediocre partner?