Tldr: Broke off a friendship with someone I had a deep emotional connection with. Happened because after I moved from one town across the country to a city, he became more and more distant. We went from constantly chatting about anything and everything to me having panic attacks because he avoided talking to me out of the blue, barely responded to any messages. Recognised it was mentally damaging to me so I told him I can’t do this anymore.

So I (24M) became very good friends with J(21M) at work. We were both shy but we just kicked off very quickly and soon went to hanging out pretty much every day, staying up until 3-4am in his car just listening to music and chatting. It was amazing, felt like finally someone who can relate and understand me. After we started hanging out other coworkers started spreading rumours that we are dating ( for context I’m gay, he’s straight) but that was never the intention. I just wanted a male friend that didn’t feel threatened by my sexuality. This went on to him giving hugs, holding my hand when I was having mental health problems and panic attacks, to him telling me he loves me - I loved him too. Eventually it got to a point where we started arguing about small things, not talking to me at work, less and less replies, he started treating me differently to others. I confronted him about it and he told me that he wasn’t treating me any different than before. Eventually it was time for me to move to a new city and he knew how scared I was as I was afraid that all my friends will stop reaching out to me after that and he said that he wouldn’t abandon me. Fast forward to after I moved, he started replying less and less, started avoiding simple questions like what he’s been up to, he said that I was prying into his business and that I shouldn’t ask him questions like that, all I wanted to know was if he’s doing alright, if he’s been doing anything interesting. Eventually it got to a point where I started suffering mentally because I kept jumping to the worst conclusions and one day I told him I can’t keep doing this anymore and I think it’s best if we cut contact. He agreed and told me that he loves me and shortly afterwards blocked me. I’m now feeling a million times better thanks to medication and support but one thing I’ve been constantly avoiding is going back to that town for a visit in fear that I’ll see him and trigger a panic attack. AITAH?