I (27F) have a friend, Claire (28F), who has been through some very serious trauma in her life. She lost her parents in a tragic accident when she was 16, and I’ve always admired her resilience. Over the years, I’ve been there for her whenever she needed someone to talk to or lean on.

However, in the last year or so, her behavior has become increasingly selfish and dismissive. She cancels plans at the last minute, refuses to contribute when we split group expenses, and is often rude to mutual friends, especially if they call her out on something. Every time someone tries to address her behavior, she deflects by bringing up her trauma and saying that they don’t understand how hard it is for her.

Last weekend was my breaking point. We planned a weekend trip with our group of friends. Claire backed out at the last minute, and we had to cover her part of the cost. I reached out to her privately and told her that while I understand her past is painful, it doesn’t excuse treating people poorly or shirking responsibility. She got very upset and accused me of being heartless, claiming I don’t care about what she’s been through.

Now our mutual friends are divided. Some agree with me, saying Claire’s behavior is unacceptable, while others think I was too harsh and should have just let it go. I’m conflicted because I truly care about Claire, but I also feel like I need to set boundaries for my own mental health.

So, AITAH?