My ex-husband and I are going through a divorce, and it’s been a bitch and a half to get the damn papers ordered so we’ve already been apart for six months or so so I’ve started dating again and all that. But today a conversation with him made me rethink literally every fight we ever had.

It was always my fault in the relationship to start, he always did everything right, never crossed my boundaries, never did or said things that I didn’t like. But I have adhd and sometimes during my more forgetful moments I’d say or do something he didn’t like, or I’d forget about something he told me bc it’s hard for me to retain information. (Not saying that makes it okay, just saying that it did happen)

That was one of the main reasons we fought, and throughout our relationship I became the absolute worst version of myself. Like not even joking, I was r/niceguy level bad. I’ve since been to therapy for over six months with the right therapist, I had to go through like 5 of them to finally find the right one, and I’m so much better. I’m back to who I used to be before we ever got together. My friends and family describe me as kind and compassionate and loving again.

So I genuinely think something’s off now. I’m January this year he moved out, and forgot a lot of his stuff because he didn’t want my help moving, which is fair. But in early to mid April I asked him if he’d be free to come by and get the rest of his stuff. He said he didn’t know because he was super busy but would text me when he did know. Completely fair, and I left it at that.

Then three months go by. I still have all of his stuff and he’s made no effort to contact me further, and I still don’t have any closet space because his stuff is still there. I decide to reach out again bc at this point we’re in couples therapy to help us both work through all the issues previous so we can both move on healthier and happier into new relationships with new people. I genuinely just wanted to help repair the damage I’d done in our relationship.

Side note: during all of this therapy we seemed to be communicating much better, and he’d even said himself that it’d been very productive for him. One night he called me, drunk, and said he missed me, he missed talking to me like normal, and he missed his best friend. I said I felt the same because obviously, I loved him for a loooong time, so not having him around hurt. But we agreed we would both try being friends again, because that’s what he said that he wanted. Then a day before our next therapy session he’s calling me about signing some stuff from our old apartment, and I asked if maybe he would be okay to meet up somewhere public, for coffee, so we could try talking again. And he said “I don’t know that I want that anymore. I can’t tell you a definite answer.” And this was confusing bc a few days ago he said something completely different. Then about 2-3 days later he stopped let me know that he no longer wanted to try anymore, and just wanted to be done with this. Not going to lie it did hurt because that wasn’t what he had said a few days ago, but I chalked it up to he had just changed his mind, and that was that.

Then today was when I felt off. It had been yet another week after I’d asked him to come get his stuff so I could have my closet space back for other stuff I still couldn’t put up, and he said he’d be free that Thursday or Friday. The day came and he still again, never showed, never called, never texted. So I texted him back again today, because I’m tired and I really just want to fully move on from everything, and he texted back that he was “waiting on me to tell him when I was free, and where to meet up.”

I said back that he never asked that, and said he’d be by that Thursday or Friday and then he never came, so I told him I’d be free the same days this week, around noon, and told him I’d give him my address again if he needed it.

So this convo has me questioning so much now, I have documented texts that prove he was in the wrong, and he’s now trying to turn it around so that it’s still my fault he never showed up for his stuff. Am I crazy? Am I just overthinking this? Am I actually in the wrong? I genuinely don’t know anymore