So I 30m, and my fiance 30m were sorta having 1 of those days where we just sorta lay there and talk about random stuff we're thinking about all day. I typically have a rule that I don't talk religion or spiritual beliefs with anyone I consider more than an Acquaintance because I love them inspire of their beliefs and I believe that religion has no standing in my opinion on whether or not I believe you're a good person or not. However today for some reason I forgot about it, and broke that personal rule.

It started with me explaining how ridiculous I find it that someone would be afraid of ghosts, because if you were to spend time looking into behaviors of human beings. You'd know that every single person feels emotions because their brain produces a chemical we associate with that emotion, and when it's strong enough it can induce hallucinations auditory, or visual of a time you felt that strongly of that emotion. Right like hidden trauma that only our subconscious is aware of. I came to this conclusion after finding out I was bipolar and learning exactly what emotions were. So everytime I felt intense fear, I was audibly hearing a memory I had of a time I was that scared, and forced myself to forget in order to continue surviving. And realizing the same voice and phrase I was hearing wasn't a ghost but a memory. So that being said as a ghost you know longer have tangability, and a body that would produce chemicals to force you to feel any kinda way. Essentially making us beings of pure knowledge, with no objective thoughts just a factual answer to what ever was asked, because they wouldn't be able to feel emotion to come up with an opinion. So why would they attack us they don't feel anger or mischief, they're not looking for a laugh, or mourning what they lost, they're not even happy or sad. They'd simply just exist without any outside or internal influences.

Which is when he started to get quiet and lead me to switch topics but stupid me went on to explain how I feel like it makes no logical sense for a perfect entity to create anything at all. With omnipresence, omniscience, and omnipotence. You'd basically know every possible scenario exactly to the second it'd happen. As a perfect being you'd have no curiosity, cause you already know everything. Not to mention you'd always feel perfect no matter what an elevated sense of always feeling your best and never dwindling, because if you're perfect your life would always feel perfect. You'd never feel lonely and the implication of feeling lonely would make you less than perfect. Even so why would you create something that is less than perfect because if you were to do so, the influence of those lives that are imperfect could cause you to feel anything other than perpetual bliss, stealing your ability to be perfect. Nor would you have an inflated ego to the sense that you would need a less than perfect being to worship you, their opinions don't matter. And also they would be the perfect balance, so they would not need or desire to create concepts of good, and evil. Also to assume there is only 1 perfect being would be illogical if there is 1 there could be many, all knowing the same stuff, all feeling the same way, never having conflict just perfect bliss for all of eternity which still wouldn't take away the fact that a perfect being wouldn't create anything cause that would also imply the desired something they didn't have then taking away their ability to be perfect, and have perfect lives. I then went on to say I actually prefer the idea we were created by imperfect gods, because I could relate to the god I chose to worship, and understand their actions while also understanding that while imperfect they are still better than me, so I'd be okay with stroking their ego, and would actively see any god who proclaimed to be perfect as a red flag because I know if they were perfect we wouldn't exist, and why would you need to gaslight us into believing your perfect so that your actions is justified. Also the alternative is to suggest we are all living out 1 of infinite possible simulation of a possibility a perfect god has in their head and technically there is nothing after because we don't exist it just has to feel real in order for the simulation to be accurate in the perfect gods head. Therefore existing without actually existing.

I've done a very good job of keeping this to myself ever since I got hit with these thoughts when I was 15 that only got deeper as I learned more about the world around me, specifically only talking about it with strangers that have no possibility of bringing it up to anyone I care about, because I don't want to shake their faith, cause I live them and want them to believe what they want to believe. Now my fiance has been extremely quiet for the past 3 hours the only thing he said to me was I just destroyed everything he has ever believed in. I feel horrible and I can't believe I just did that, cause I went through a whole crises when I started to try to piece things together, and it wasn't till i realized that thinking this doesn't change anything and life will still go it's course regardless so I should focus on other things, cause in reality it doesn't effect me. Except now it is because I did the 1 thing I've spent my whole life trying not to do. Which is change my loved 1s opinions, or faith that makes them who they are. So aitah?