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I had an argument with my parents recently where my mum ended up calling me an asshole.
For context, I am ethnically Indian, but I was born in the Bahamas, raised in Ireland, and my family moved to Scotland 7 years ago. I don't identify much with Indian culture (apart from the food) , can't speak the language, and people from India often call me a "coconut" because I'm "brown on the outside but white on the inside."
The argument started when my parents asked when I was going to get a girlfriend. I'm 24, and theyāre worried.
I'm a blunt person, so I told them, "nobody will like me, Iām Indian." They didnāt like that, but I justified my statement with statistics and proof from my dating profiles. I explained that there are stereotypes associated with Indian men, even if I don't fit them, and that some Indians perpetuate those stereotypes, making it hard for me to overcome them.
My mum suggested I date Indian women, but I was honest and told them that since I was born and raised outside of India, my preferences aren't for Indian women.
I explained that my type of women doesnāt typically like Indian men, so Iām not going to try. I also pointed out that having preferences is normal, and people can like who they want, but Indians usually donāt fall into that category for many people.
My mum then called me an asshole. This isnāt the first time Iāve had an argument about my non-existent dating life with my parents. Iāve also had small arguments with other Indian people.
I have discussed this with my friends, who all agree with me to a degree (none of them are Indian).
AITA?
Edit: I want to make it clear (in case it wasnāt) that I donāt blame women for not liking me. Iām not trying to be a victim.
Women are allowed to have preferences and itās totally fair if they donāt like me. Thatās how the world works. Iām not just not going try to date. That was my point.
Iāve dealt with racism my whole life, itās normal for me, when I was younger I did react, as a teenager I learnt to take it and now I smile when someone says something to me.
I donāt think having preferences is racist, which is why when I woman has told me she doesnāt date Indian men Iāve just said ok and left/unmatched. Of course dating apps donāt help when you see women wanting blue eyes, blonde hair 6ft men.
One thing youāll never see me do is react emotionally. Iāll decide internally if this is something I want to pursue and as of right now, as much as I want a GF, I donāt see it happening for me, so why try.
How tf did you figure that out? š no joke thatās spot on.
I still think my ethnicity is an issue. A lot of women Iāve read are avoidant of Indian men due to their culture and stuff.
And of course we donāt help ourselves online, when you see them asking for ābobs and vageneā pics which further perpetuates a negative stereotype
I was being sarcastic š¤¦š¾āāļø
When did I say my life is going to suck because Iām Indian? I donāt think Iāve said that. All Iāve said is dating for an Indian is tough based off my experiences and stats.
Whoās āmaking things upā or should I say assuming now?
Am I right or wrong? š
You mean I made an assumption not made up. Yes I made an assumption. I guess I should be arrested because I was partly wrong.
āYou are not a group of Indian people, you are one person.ā
I genuinely donāt know what you mean by that. You havenāt been in my position so you have no idea what itās like to be bullied for being Indian.
The other Indians like me that were born and brought up in the UK/Europe go through the same thing.
Iām going to make an ASSUMPTION, that your Indian friends are in the US.
Am I right or wrong?
Are you Indian? How can I make something up when Iāve experienced it? Have you lived in Europe as a kid? Reality is you havenāt experienced what I have. So to say Iām making things up is utter bullshit. Just cause something is unbelievable to you doesnāt make it false.
If youāre someone that believes in numbers thereās numerous studies showing that Indians are the least desired.
Also your Indians friends might be dating amazing women but thatās a rare few. Iām not denying that itās not impossible, but for Indian men, itās going to be more difficult to attract a woman than other races/ethnicities.
I DONT TRY, to avoid the risk of being creepy.
Also you have Indian friends in America. Europe is very very very different to America.
Like Iāve said in the post, women are allowed to have preferences, thereās nothing wrong with it, and I donāt blame them for anything.
Iām ok with that fact that I donāt meet their preferences. It is what it is. I know where my limits are when it comes to dating.
You say that, and I admit it does have an affect, but as an Indian, thereās a fine line between being charming/confident and creepy/confident.
And with the stereotypes we have because of some individuals, Iām not going to risk being called a creep.
Thanks. Iāve been at peace after learning my limits in the dating scene.
Itās not about looks. Never has been about that. Itās about our perception. Itās the stereotypes as I mentioned in the post.
The only person Iāve ātrolledā is YOU.
I donāt think you understood my post, and I canāt be bothered typing up a long paragraph to explain what I meant.
In all honesty itās probably my fault for not being clear in my post or people are stupid, saying Iām borderline ignorant/racist, having not been in my position.
Itās one or the other š¤·š¾āāļø
Yeah thats a good point, but Iām not my type of womanās type.
Idk if that made sense lol
Iām trolling YOU, but my post and comments prior to this is genuine
I am Interested in dating, but Iām not going to waste my time on something Iām clearly not going to be successful in.
Also, where exactly am I supposed to move? š¤Ø
Iām not blaming it on women ffs š¤¦š¾āāļø. People are allowed to have preferences. I know Iām not most womens type (and thatās fine), so I dont care anymore.
I didnāt bitch about it. I said itās normal. People can have preferences. Itās completely normal considering circumstances for people not to like me and itās normal for me to have a type.
āLots of people date outside their culture.ā
Yes they do, but not someone that looks like me though. Statistically Indians are the least desired.
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What beauty standards?
There are other things, my height probably. The fact that Iām a cunt is probably a big one too.