I have been seeing this new psych provider for managing my ADHD and we’re still working on dosages. I ran out of meds on Sunday, the day before my standing appointment. I wasn’t too worried about it because I was hoping to work on upping the dose and getting refill same day as appointment. The day before, I received multiple email reminders, new zoom link and the receipt for my paid in full copay.

Monday rolls around, I’m logged into appointment for my zoom appointment (though he is local) and before I know it 15 mins have passed. I started sifting through my emails wondering if I missed something. Nothing. So I try checking other zoom links. Still nothing. Finally I decide to respond to one email reminders sent the day before asking about our scheduled appointment. In doing so, I also find another email that states we have a standing appointment the following day, Tuesday. Same time.

Ok, cool. Maybe I just got double booked. Regardless. I still take a screen shot in case I need to prove that I didn’t no-show.

Tuesday, I log into the zoom. And again, another 15 mins go by. At this point, I’m not sure how else to contact him. I remember a patient portal but had much difficulty locating it. The main website is not entirely intuitive. After many key word searches through my mailbox, I finally find it and send him messages. Really just reiterating our booked back to back appointments and relatively taking the blame that maybe I missed something and would like to schedule something. After more poking around, I finally find a phone number and I’m able to leave a voicemail. Then I think, ok. Maybe I should just go ahead and book another appointment. In reviewing slot times, I’m like, wait a minute. It wants me to pay again. I’m reluctant because I don’t want to create more repayment/refunds if I’m not getting clear communication. So I forgo.

I had difficulty wrapping my head around what to do Tuesday night. At this point I’m starting to feel scattered brained and that’s the last thing I need during my busy work week. I stayed up mulling over scenarios. Talking to friends about my no showed appointments.

Day 3 of no meds and I can start to tell I’m getting agitated and I’m finding difficulty to focus on one thing. I’m feeling more spun up and anxious. Hyper and stressed out. My bf decides to treat me out and we do a little shopping, went out to dinner because I wanted Mac n cheese and some impromptu trivia. We even won a prize and it was a lovely end!

However, late night rolls around and I’m finding myself still lost and confused about what to do and wanting to understand what happened. I think I’m reasonable and I have background and mental/bx health and maybe I just need to cut some slack. I understand the known stigmas and I certainly am not trying to come off med pushy. Well,… I start wondering the what if scenarios. What if he’s in the hospital? Maybe he had a break down? WHAT IF HE GOR HIT BY A BUS OR KILLED HIMSELF!? Now I’m turning to google search. No public news info. So I turn to social media. And there it is. His public Instagram photo depicting a relaxing sunset and cocktail. Even a new story post is available.

I’m disheartened that I’m looking to this person for guidance and support to provide therapeutic resolution. I pay my dues, I take my meds as prescribed and attend my appointments. But not once was there any mention that provider would be OOF, an automatic email response, a voicemail or an offered reschedule. I was left to figure this all out on my own. And I can’t help but think “wow, I got charged for an appointment that my provider no showed because he’s currently vacationing”. I know we’re humans, but c’mon. What happened to professionalism and integrity?

I also took screenshots of my zoom calls and his public instagram page/post. Though I’m not entirely sure what I would even do with this information and I certainly wouldn’t DM him about it either.

I’m considering finding a new provider. AITAH?