My ex and I dated for upwards of four years, on and off. The first time we broke up was because he got physically violent with me, slapping my nicotine vape out of my hands and throwing my purse across the room. It spooked me and I told him it was unacceptable. The next day he kicked me out with 1 hour notice to pack my things. Out of the apartment I had furnished (I wasn’t on the lease). We didn’t speak for nine months.

The second time we broke up, he held me hostage in a car for about 6 hours. I finally abandoned the car and just walked away with no cell phone or wallet in order to get away from him. That time, we didn’t speak for over a year.

This third time I was dumb enough to get with him, he’s escalated.

He got arrested autumn 2023 for domestic violence against me. I’ve had an active restraining order since as the result. However after some time, again, he moved back in saying he had nowhere else to go and convincing me to reconcile. We’ve been in couples therapy ever since and at times, we were doing really well.

However of course it got bad again. By the end, he was pushing for a non-monogamous relationship despite my adamant against it, cheating behind my back, would get physically violent and aggressive with me on multiple occasions.

I begged him to leave the house. He doesn’t work, I paid the bills. He has about $500 income every month from his rental that he’d throw in for groceries once my paychecks ran out. He refused to leave, saying he had nowhere else to go and it was his home. I told him I will leave in that case. His response was “the only way either of us is leaving this house will be in police body bags”.

He was insisting that he would continue to live there and treat me this way while expecting me to pay all the bills while he fucked any other people he wanted. I was refusing to share a bed with him, making it clear I did not consent to non monogamy, crying and puking from anxiety, and then any of my protest was met with aggression.

I did not want to call the police again or ruin his life, and he got better at curbing the physical violence, but I knew I had to get out of this situation by any means necessary.

So I secretly packed my bags for a week. On the weekend night when he left with his friend, I threw everything in my car and drove to my home country.

I abandoned him with the lease, bills (around $3000 a month) that he has no ability to pay. Our four cats, who I could not take with me because I am and will be homeless for the next few months as the result of leaving. I left with $250 USD in my pocket, I don’t even know how he expects me to continue contributing to bills when I’m living out of my car.

He says I am being cruel and immoral by leaving him like this. I am basically judgement proof against the legal consequences, unlike him, due to my ability that I have left the country. He says he is sorry for the way he treated me, and that I should have mercy on him. He says if I return to the house and take the bills and cats back over, he will move out.

On the other hand, it was literally enduring the unbearable for me to leave. My cats are my babies, my family, locking that door and leaving 95% of my worldly belongings behind took EVERY bit of strength I had left in my soul. I am free of attachments. I left with two suitcases and my father’s ashes, and important paperwork. Nothing else. I am hoping to now live the nomadic lifestyle I’ve always dreamt of. Nothing is holding me back.

I left him all my valuables so he could sell them for rent money. Rent is paid until April 30th. In my opinion, he has time to find roommates, get a job, move out, whatever he needs to do. I feel that my focus is better placed on rebuilding my life and not perpetuating this cycle.

So Reddit, give it to me straight - AITAH?