My ex girlfriend used our aborted child memory to hurt me

Basically I met this girl at my old job. I know this aint right but basically she cheated on her ex with me then got together with me instantly. They been together for 5 years. In the past one year she hurt me physically and mentally as well emotionally. Hiding things,talking to other guys behind my back. For example once she got invited to a romantic dinner with a guy she said not to worry about,just because we had a fight about me talking to my best women’s friend. Other times I had to do overtime,couldn’t make it on a date night unfortunately. She went out with a different guy she also told me not to worry about and didn’t told me. When I figured out and broke up with her she said it was my fault because I didn’t gave her enough attention. We got back together after I APOLOGIZED for my behavior. This kept happening,small fight about everything,she blocked me at least once a month because she was angry with me. She kept going out with different guys and lying about it,when I figured out she got offended and blocked me on everything. She accused me of cheating,stealing from her family,hurting her(witch is true,at one point when she found out I was talking to a female coworker of mine about job related things and she read it through she pushed me down on the stairs after hitting me multiple times,threatening to stab me etc). I know she did stabbed her ex boyfriend once in the chest when they had a fight so I was pretty much afraid she does it again and I pushed her on to the sofa and left some bruises on her leg because of that. Basically this kept going for a while,then things settled down. Small fight here or there all the way till December when she broke up with me before Christmas because I spent December 22nd with my best friend who I know for 15 years instead of her. I tried to apologize she didn’t listen blocked me again on everything. Then she unblocked me and blamed me because she had to spend her Christmas alone.

And here’s the thing. We broke up a month ago because actually I messed up something that I’m not proud of. Basically all the trust issues,when she was claiming I’m crazy and overreacting,I got overwhelmed and made a couple of fake accounts and then texted those guys she was in touch earlier in our relationship. Asking if they fucked or anything. Obliviously she found out and broke up with me. And here’s the other thing. I had never ever did anything similar to this. I had a few relationship with no trust issues at all. With her I constantly felt I’m not enough she told me so many times her ex treated her better,also sexually he had a bigger D,he gave her princess treatment so she made sure he never needs to worry about her cheating or leaving her.

She unblocked me again,only to text me that I’m a sick animal who deserves to die,and how was I able to ask those guys if they fucked. She also had a abortion that took out a lot from me(she was fine after a week,saying her best friend that how excited she is because some guy was starring at her on the streets with “those eyes”. She ended texting me that the best decision she ever made is aborting that child because I’m a sick person who treated her like this,what would I do to the kid. Before I could’ve block her she blocked me again,but once again she told me to “light up a candle at February 18 when it’s our daughter birthday would be,unless I’m f*cking with someone else”

Is it possible that she changed me in the worst way possible,or am I crazy because I texted those guys? Please any advice is welcomed,I’m struggling to move on. I know she’s out there clubbing and meeting new people already because she told me. The part that bothers me is that between September and December basically we had pretty minor fights,compared to the ones before where I was constantly blocked on everything and there were times I didn’t know for days what’s up with her