**Edit: My dad had called me and told me that they had told us 3pm because they needed to go get my kids Christmas gifts. And he thought they had no idea that I was upset. So we went over. We acted like everything was normal They were sweet and kind and loving. Then even invited us on a double date if we could get a babysitter.

So thank you all for the kind comments. I think it was a major misunderstanding and I am really happy I didn't loose my shit and tell them to fuck off. We had a great visit tonight. There wasn't any feeling like they were upset that we were there.

Back story: My brother and his wife have a 7 year old NT daughter. She's the typical sweet, quiet shy girl. Love her. I have 2 boys that are 14 year old and 7 years old. My 7yo is ND and had the typical energy of a young boy along with the added apiceyness of being ND. My brother and his family live in another state. EVERY FUCKING TIME THEY COME TO VISIT THERE IS DRAMA. Last year we had a sit down about why it's drama and part of it stems from my brother was trying to be mediator and just made it worse to not include his wife when we were having hiccups with the kids. They are also both SUPER OVER PROTECTIVE and any"infraction" my 7byear old does is a major crime. So they get into town last night. I was asked to come over today since they flew in to an air port 2 hours away. Stung a little but totally made sense. I said we'll come over at 11 today (wed). They kind of freaked out and said something about wanting to give their daughter time to adjust to being there and making sure she eats. I totally get making modifications so our kids are able to do their best. Then last night they text and ask if we can come over at 3. I grumpily agreed. Then today I find out they don't want us over until 3 because they want to go to a brewery with just my parents. Every time they come up they dictate when my family is "allowed" to come to my parents and they ALWAYS fucking out out and don't invite us. I'm just done. I'm ready to call them and say you clearly feel like the presence of my family is ruining your vacation. Have a nice visit without us mother fuckers. I'm so angry this happens every time. The only reason I haven't is because I don't want that tension but there's a different kind of tension. So would I be an AH if I said we're just going to stay home so they can have a visit without us?

I should add that my dad's health is drastically declining so that's what makes me feel like I'd be the ah if I told them all to fuck off.