I(40M) and my ex (41F) adopted my sister's 4 children in 2016. We divorced in 2021 and she has custody rights to the two younger boys while I have custody of our teen daughter.The eldest is in his early 20's. I'm currently engaged with the love of my life. We have 2 children that we had together and she has a teen son. All 4 adopted children do have special needs IE autism, ADHD, etc. A long with my fiances son who has autism. Now, it the youngest adopted child that is the issue! We will call him Blake.Blake has extreme fits! Not meltdowns, temper tantrums! He breaks things like tvs, candle jars, coffee pots, chairs, whatever he can! Blake constantly bullies my fiances son to the point that my fiances son is now on depression medication and has suicidal thoughts. Things Blake has done to him include: call him derogatory names, pulls his hair, rips his shirt, slaps his butt, grabs his crotch, has kicked him in the face when he was sleeping, chased him with a spoon saying he was going to gouge his eyes out, broke some of his stuff. That's all I can think of at the moment. We kept trying thinking that maybe it was boys being boys which I regret not seeing the huge red flags then. Blake was in a rage while stomping kicked my (at the time) 10 month old walker while the infant was in it. The walker skidded back and our infant had a cut on the bottom of his foot! Blake will start yelling that he hates everyone and wishes everyone dead and names everyone by name if he doesn't get his way! It's gotten to the point where our 20 month old starts shaking, points at Blake or in his direction and says "Bad" "Bad". Recently, Blake antagonized my fiances son to the point that he had an autistic meltdown! Blake had wiped his spit on the side of his face while he was trying to calm down from earlier antagonization. My fiance ended up having to bear hug her son to the floor, which is what calms him in extreme meltdowns. Well 3 days later CPS shows up and asks questions. Apparently Blake had said that my fiance had thrown her son down the stairs in our house! To top all that off we recently found out that Blake likes to unlock the bathroom door and make fun of my fiances son, watch him, and he has watched his sister shower. I'm going to add that Blake is 11, obviously male. He has been to numerous counselors etc that just seems to ignore the behaviors, which to me seem more than what he has been diagnosed with. I made a decision 2 weeks ago to love him from afar and not have my visits with him anymore. I feel that I have to put the safety of the other children first! I don't want the younger ones to become victims of his. I can't put my fiances son who I care about through anymore trauma! I can't put my daughter through the fear anymore.

Another incident I just thought of while typing this is that he once took a broom and in a rage hit my(at the time) pregnant fiance in the belly. We did call the cops but they didn't do squat! My ex wife understands, or at least she says she does.

So AITA for loving my son from afar due to his extreme behaviors?????

Update: I wanted to update everyone and clear things up! I do not have medical control over Blake, my ex does! While her and I do talk about his behaviors, she seems very reluctant on wanting to do anything other than counseling. Then she complains about the counseling or counselors. I have made numerous suggestions to her but it seems to go in one ear and out the other!

With his falsification to CPS, a social worker came out and now Blake is on their radar! My daughter and stepson both told the social worker how Blake watches them bathe, inappropriately touches them etc. At the advice of the social worker, whom said Blake's behaviours are physically abusive and sexual assault, my daughter and stepson could file charges against him or seek a restraining order. I chose the restraining order for a few reasons. 1: I don't want to press charges on him and this ruin his life so young. 2: We have to show why Blake's a danger to himself and others. Plus a comment from another user about a Forensic Evaluation piqued my interest. I called around and children 5 and over can get it done. I'm proposing that to the court and my ex. He needs help.

I absolutely hate keeping him at arms length right now. What people fail to realize is that my ex and I have been dealing with this since he was young! His first victims were animals at 5 years old! Then he moved to his siblings! He is only getting older, bigger, and stronger, and I fear what is going on in his mind! I fear what he is capable of and that he will carry through on his threats of killing people in their sleep! I have to protect his other siblings from him until he gets help!

UPDATE!!!

So, things came to a head last November. My son Blake was out of control in both households. He made false allegations about my fiance pushing her son down stairs. Which is impossible, since he has brittle bones with pins. The CPS investigator became aware of Blake's abuse, physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional towards his siblings and Strongly suggested a protection Order, in which we got! In the order he is allowed to call and see his siblings as long as there is communication between adults first! He broken twice. First time my ex made him break it! He was also ordered to have a Forensic Evaluation in which my ex has yet to have done for him! The state pays for it since he is adopted, she just doesn't care! He also got kicked out of school last year so yay!

That is the update for now. Apologies for taking so long.