My partner(20) and I(21) have been together for just over three years and have been in a bit of a rollercoaster for the last few months.

To start let's give some background before we started dating. We both have sexual trauma, family trauma, and some mental health issues. Her's are more anxiety, manic, and depression based, whereas mine is ADHD and a tendency to shut down when voices are raised in anger. We both have some abandonment issues also. We have spent our whole adult lives communicating and working out how those impact our relationship. I work nightshift and she works on a different schedule each week. We are currently living in our own space, while it is small it's our own and she is the one that wanted it, I followed to support her. We have a two month old puppy that she wanted and which I take care of mostly, also a 3 year old cat who is hers but likes me more as I also am the one taking care it. I handle most of the home chores from dishes, cooking, cleaning, trash, take care out outside. She shares in these chores but has started to forgo every single one besides laundry as she doesn't like how I do it. While she only works 15 more hours a week than me, so I personally think it's valid for me to cover more of the chores.

We recently had an event that made us both start to consider if we truly want to be with one another, mainly my partner. I knew from day one she is the one for me, however she is questioning that for me. We have had a chaotic year, which has brought us both stress, however she is demanding I work on our relationship and myself. Which I have been, from picking up more work hours, working with my father to get into a better career, understanding my trauma and issues. However the one thing is, I can't make friends and I can be lazy at times (if I say I'm gonna do something however it's only delayed by if I need sleep or if she wants me to do something else). I have been proving to her I am bettering myself and growing up. However in return I asked the same of her and I think that was my mistake.

My issue is that she sees sex and any act connected to it as a chore to preform on me, while I love to love her. From foreplay longer than a football field to oral. It never seemed to by that way before. Until a few months after we moved into our new space. She has not once undone my belt, worn lingerie for me but will on nights put with her girlfriends and date nights, not once given my any form of sexual attention unless it was explicitly asked for by myself. While I have done so considerably for her. While that sounds like to please her so she'll please me, that's not it. That's my love language, I will eat for hours and hours and not expect anything in return. However I want to be wanted, I want to feel like I am attractive to my partner, I want to be in a relationship when sex isn't just missionary when she feels like it, or for me to eat her out when she's horny but for her to ignore my wants and needs. I have expressed this to her many times. The time she did seem to actively want to change is when I told her in 6 months if this didn't change I was out. This was after 2 1/2 years of being together. I know she has some issues with sex, however it's just been getting at me, because she said now she wants a break from sex. Also that if someone wants to do something they will do it, all in the same conversation, so in my mind if she wanted to preform acts she would have, she just doesn't want too.

So I've written a list of what matters to me in a relationship and have been thinking about giving it to her with a couple videos to watch to explain how I feel. While I don't want to break up, I fear we are sexually incompatible or something else.

Tl:Dr My girlfriend of three years and I gave each other some parts of the relationship we could improve at, while I work at changing and bettering myself, I see no change in my partner. Do I sit her down one last time and tell her I can't live like this anymore or do I keep trying to save this relationship.