I am a 23(m) and her 20 (f) have been dating for 5 years our relationship wasn't perfect but I loved her and she loved me. We've gone through so much together and I pulled her out of a lot of problems that happened. But I moved 2 years ago and it turned into long distance I left all my friends and stuff behind to move back with my mom since it was a better job opportunity. This girl meant the world to me and recently I had broken up with her. To give context I recently arrived the middle of the first year of moving back down I didn't have my license and I worked a lot I was enjoying myself while trying to keep a balance of talking to her constantly but it couldn't be helped that I had to remind her I couldn't do it everyday now the biggest problem was I wasn't happy I was being isolated and it was hard to make new friends I stayed loyal and didn't even flirt with any women because I really loved her. But when I started to isolate myself it was around when I turned 21(when I moved down there it was close to already being my birthday by then to clarify that) I slowly but surely became more aggressive more agitated and unhappy with myself and I couldn't really afford therapy with time however I thought it would go away, but in all actuality it made it worse and I felt like I was going to do something bad which I did I started getting into drugs more nothing too heavy but I became more reliant on it and I slowly became an alcoholic. I was really worried about how I was becoming because I cussed out one of my friends one day and realized just how aggressive I was becoming and it kept getting worse. I was racking my head around when I ended up deciding I didn't want her to be around me if I was becoming terrible I didn't want to become a monster that she would hate so it took me a really long time around the second year to make a decision. Then today came and I broke up with her I tried having her understand that I'm already going through a midlife crisis at an early age of 23 it felt like all my plans to want to come back to her was being pushed and it hurt so I asked her that could understand that I'm breaking up with her for her own good so I wouldn't hurt her I honestly thought things were going fine it hurt trying to break it off (I really didn't want to) but I really wanted to better myself and answer to understand that one day I'll be back even as a friend or even if we start over. But then she started getting angry at me talking about how she's used to this now what other guys treating her this way when I'm just trying to open my heart to her and have her understand I'm not trying to hurt her I feel terrible I want to get back with her just so she wouldn't feel this way. I feel like I'm not going to make any progress If I stay and my depression is growing worse with this interaction (she's sending depressing tik toks) at this point I don't know what to do am I in the wrong?