I've read every books, listened to podcasts, done counseling and more. I've spent hundreds of hours trying to understand her better, be a more supportive husband, be more helpful by taking on more responsibilities with the house and kids. I give what feels like my heart and soul.

I love her and I know she loved me.

But I feel like she is happy to just do her own thing, live in her bubble.

I'm struggling with feeling like my needs don't matter or aren't even thought of much.

I have a high sex drive while she has a low responsive desire sex drive.

I'm grateful and cherish the little sex we have. I say little but it's like one brief session every 10 days or so. Sometimes it does the opposit of create intimacy, when I feel like it's rushed so that she can tick that box for another week or two.

Sex aside, I give her what I deem to be "husband of the year" massages. I'm talking 45min of care and effort to make her feel amazing. I don't do this with an expectation of getting anything in return.

I get pleasure from doing anything that makes her happy.

Is that not our role as partners, to do things...and want to do things that bring our partners joy.

But lately I wonder if our needs matter.

If I try talk in a calm gentle loving manner about how much I love her and what she can do more of to make me even happier the conversation ends the same way.

She (DX medicated) gets defensive, asks if I don't see how she is trying, says she'll never be able to make me happy etc etc.

I want to be able to communicate about my wants, needs, fears, goals at any time regardless of what she can do about it.

Defeated. I'm young (35), I know I can get divorced but I love her and we have kids.

I just wish she had a fraction of the desire I have to make her.

Will this ever change, must I change, does any of it matter?