I've been working as a software dev for 8 years. I have experience. I can do the work. Sure, it sucks being unmedicated. Sure, it sucks that my output fluctuates wildly. However, I'm good in a pinch(thanks deadline pressure I guess?), so my boss is happy.

But I want to work in games, or maybe graphics programming if doesn't work. I keep trying and failing to spin up any significant progress in making even a fairly basic game or finishing a opengl course.

I feel like I spend all my energy scraping by at work.

Today I felt like I had it in my, but as I soon as I started taking notes trying to plan what the game should be I just shut down. I had nothing. I'm empty. I want to have something, but I just don't.

How do you all do it?