I hate this.... I feel like hope... the simple feeling of hope is the most harmful thing on the planet.... hope is a higher high than anything else... and when you come down it's earth shattering.... like on the up swing it's like I can work and I do for time... but then my head or my heart or my SO gets in the way and I loose it... I'm tired of feeling anything... and my SO is not well and she can't work... my phone rings and she asked "who's that?" Like I have a life or something... it's just someone else wanting money from this fucking useless flesh... I've applied for the secured funding where I'm from but as a 35 year old white guy they say I'm not sick enough... I can't DO this again and again and again and again and again and again and again...